'Jack him up on Mountain Dew!' GOP lawmaker floats wildest Biden debate conspiracy yet
'Jack him up on Mountain Dew!' GOP lawmaker floats wildest Biden debate conspiracy yet
Can Mountain Dew, the famously sugary and highly caffeinated soft drink, cure purported dementia? That seems to be the hypothesis of Rep. Erick Burlison (R-MO), who appeared on Fox Business on Tuesday to speculate about the kinds of "drugs" that President Joe Biden will supposedly take to improv.....
I'M JACKED UP ON MOUNTAIN DEW I'LL COME AT YOU LIKE A SPIDER MONKEY OLD MAN
Like a spider monkey! Git ‘im!
Yeah this whole conspiracy line has gotta be based on a movie making fun of NASCAR drivers. You don't make that phrase with that verbiage without that movie. I'm not sure the guy who said it knows it's from a movie or not, but I know the guy he heard it from must.
That's literally the only explanation. No one just says that shit.
Trump will lose if Biden keeps consuming Baja Blast, that's why the deepstate made it available all year for the "Bajaversary".
Is he a frail, senile, old man? Or does pop pop crave the BLAST of tropical energy from an ice-cold MOUNTAIN DEW BAJA BLAST!?!? Which is it, repubs?
Don't get between me and my soda, Jack
Mountain Dew float with chocolate chocolate chip ice cream vs covfefe and hamberders, battle of the century
You want to check my shape, let’s do push-ups together. Let’s run. Let’s do whatever you want to do. You may call me old, but I'm just old school. I'm cool. I'm ice cold. I've got Baja Blast flowing in my veins. Pop pop's jacked up on the Dew and will take you out behind the woodshed. That's how they did it in my day and that's a fact, Jack.
I put Jack in my soda.
I wish all it took was a can of Mountain Dew to "fix" dementia. I would have had so much more quality time with all those older relatives.
Hey, kids, if your grandparents are still around and coherent, take the time to ask them about their lives when they were younger.
Oh no
Not Mountain Dew
Just say no, kids
Next on Faux News...Biden officials caught taking dihydrogen monoxide, a dangerous performance enhancing chemical known to kill thousands of Americans each year simply by inhaling it. Sources tell us they'd have pitchers of this stuff everywhere. They serve it at meeting right out in the open. Some staff members tested were found to have nearly blood contamination levels as high as .45! An aerosolized version of the compound is a key component in chem-trails left by airplanes, and many scientists believe that having so much in the atmosphere is a key driver of severe storms the liberal elite blame on so-called "climate change"
Wait, .45 seems like a really low amount of water in your blood. Are we not counting the cytoplasm in the blood cells?
It was a rough estimate. 50% plasma, which is 90% water.
This is the weirdest paid product placement I've ever seen. We really need to get money out of politics... /s
I wish the Dems had felt more confident in 2020, or that Kamala Harris had proven to be a more vibrant personality able to take the reins in 2024. I wish the Overton window in the US were farther to the left. But that's not the fight in front of us; we are where we are.
I don't think anybody denies that Biden is in physical and a sort of general mental decline. He's old AF. I tend to think "turning it on" just takes a lot out of him and maybe requires a couple of days of R&R which you don't normally get as president, but I would hardly be surprised if they give him a little chemical helper sometimes. If taking a stimulant just makes you feisty and articulate and able to pop off a solid State of the Union speech then, again, that just speaks to your being old. Someone who literally doesn't know what they're doing will be the same idiot, but higher energy...
You know, like Trump.
Cuz, you know, Trump is all jacked on meth just like his man crush Hitler was so they all gotta project.
They better prop Biden up somehow if he is gonna be subjected to hours of huffing Baron VonShitzenpantz McDonald's Big Mac flatulence.
How dare they disparage president Joseph Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Biden in such a way!
They're definitely going to jack him up on something. That's why he won't accept Trumps challenge that they both take a drug test
Or because it's stupid political theater giving Trump's base an out when he inevitably says some dumb bullshit during the debate and loses. He obviously never expected that ridiculous request to be granted. The act of playing along is an act of weakness, so it's never going to happen.
Also they're both going to be on drugs. All presidents are given various drugs. Some to keep them alive, some to help them concentrate. It's no big deal, it's a demanding job.
Edit: forgot Obama actually did show his birth cert. Shouldn't have played along though
Well, most westerners over 50 are on drugs for all sorts of things getting high blood pressure, to diabetes, to cholesterol lowering meds. Not to mention caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and meth.
Never expected what request to be granted?