Oh no, you’re famous! Who (real or fictional) would play you in your biopic?

My cat. Everyone would be played by cats. Untrained cats, just put them together in relevant places and roll camera. It's art now.

I was thinking specific cats (a la Unsinkable Sam or Stationmaster Tama), but these newcomers need breakout roles too!

Nicolas Cage.

Doesn't matter that he isn't even close to being a match, but the movie would most certainly be entertaining.

Jack Black is the only real choice. In his messy beard phase.

Me of course. I mean I already got famous for being me so clearly I would be a good fit for the role.

Macaulay Culkin

I'm a forgettable nobody, so, Michael Cera.

I'm thinking the actress for MJ in Spiderman (forgot her name) is the closest match, but it would still be a very rough one. For starters, I'm wondering how well she'd do in leg guards or if she could do a Kiwi accent.

Seth Rogan but he's a craft beer snob instead of a pot head.

Probably Keanu Reaves. We went to the same schools growing up and have similar ethnicity. I don't actually remember him, though I must've passed him in the hall? He's a few years my senior.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

No similarity, but it'd be funny watching the director try to fit The Rock into a computer programming role; and also because - since it's a movie - people would think that's how I look.

Question: on what occasion in your life did you hold a helicopter with bare hands? And why?
- It's my biography, not Dwayne's! The heaviest thing he'll hold in the biography will be the absurdly large Calvin & Hobbes Compendium.

Matt Damon.

Similar size, shape, looks and both from the Boston area.

I describe myself as looking like what happens when you skip character creation. I’m super average-looking and would be tough to pick from a crowd.

Either Jack Black or Daniel Day-Lewis, depending on who directs/who's casting.

Edit: I'm not saying I look like Daniel Day-Lewis, I'm saying I like to think my life would require an actor of his caliber and complexity. Probably Rob Schneider would suffice, in reality.

In a similar vein, not Rob Schneider the actor, but that racist stereotype Mexican he plays in a bunch of movies. I would find it hilarious in a "I'm the dude playing the dude disguised as another dude" way.
Wait.
RDJ playing Rob Schneider playing that character.
Daniel Day Lewis?! Now, I know you're being disingenuous. Please use no fewer than 25 words between the; painter, journeyman cobbler, chef, bon vivant, quite possibly the greatest actor of his generation and Rob "screaming internally for validation" Schneider.

A cross between Matt Jones and Daniel Franzese

Apparently I look a lot like a certain, well known actor. So much so, that several people independently of each other told me that.

Dave Bautista. In a long wig. Haha

Please let it be Daniel Day Lewis. He'll make me so much cooler and more brooding than I actually am. I love that man's work.

Also, since he's a method actor, he'll have to be drunk 24h a day when he films the dark times when I dealt with horrible depression. I think he can pull it off. (I'm much better now, thanks.)

Philip Seymour Hoffman. He lost the game a while back, but it could fit. Who else m idk. Who else is chubby, reasonable intelligent and has a drug problem??

That guy from The Commitments.

David Anthony Higgins

Alan Ritchson, of course

Bradley Cooper. People always tell me I look like Bradley fuckin Cooper

I used to get the same thing with Edward Norton.