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This probably is because they are more sensitive.

I didn't read the entire article because I'm about to head out, but I searched the article for that statement and couldn't find it. If they did say something similar or implied that the reason we are traumatized is our fault for being sensitive, then maybe someone can send this article on being told, "You're too sensitive," to the authors.

Btw, I seriously told some friends earlier this week that I want a shirt that says, "I'm too sensitive," or some variation of that. Another idea was, "'You're too sensitive!' - Abusers."

You got buns. I got ass burgers.

Confirmed!! He's one of us ❤️

It's nice to have a place where people understand you, right?! Get back to me whenever. There's no hurry 👍

NGL, at times I get a fair amount of satisfaction when this happens. Like; welcome to my world darling; do you not know what my face means? OH, that must be terrible. No, I’m not gonna tell unless you ask, and then i’m gonna act like you’re weird for not understanding right away! OH, what was that? did i not respect your space? I’m sorry, just explain to me all the ways how your space needs to be respected and ill try to get it right on my third try.Oh, its hard to explain what you need from me right now? Well, figure it out you can’t expect me to read your mind now can you. [all with a kind soft smile] (sorry, i’m a bit bitter today)

That's okay. I think there's a sense of validation in that experience. Seeing an NT struggle with understanding autistic culture and social interactions is validating of the struggle we experience with NTs. For me, it's not that I find pleasure in their difficulty as if I'm getting a sense of revenge. It's that I can see that there is a difference in our neurological design, so we both have to work harder to interact. Autistic people just happen to be the minority in a society designed for NTs, so we have more difficulties.

All in all what makes the struggle the most difficult for me is no cuddles, no physical affirmation. If I could just get my daily cuddles from someone, I’d be so much more balanced as a person. But now I just gotta act very casual around people while im actually just starving for some affection.

DUDEEE! I am the same way. I just need that physical affection and I'm good. It's not that I want romantic or sexual attention. That would be nice, but not the point. There's just something about cuddling and physical touch that seems to be a necessity for my mental well-being. I just need to be held, squeezed, or caressed regularly. It's one of the reasons I like dancing as a hobby. There's a lot of physical touch and interaction that helps me meet that need in an appropriate manner. Here's a relevant meme you might appreciate:

Me and my ex used to get into terrible fights, but even when we were mad at each other, as long as she was touching me, I was ok.

Again, sorry for going so dark… not really having my day today… im in a venty mood

I don't think you need to apologize. That's what this community is here for: to support each other. ❤️

That terrifies me that all events with alcohol are actually some kind of mass torture method that we need poison (ironically) to get through. That kind of sounds like hell lol.

That's what I learned through autism therapy. Until then, I just assumed the my sensory experience in bars/parties was like everyone else and just had somewhat of a drinking problem. Once I found out I was autistic and sought therapy, the therapist helped me realize that I was drinking to numb my senses and social anxiety. I was practically self-medicating. Now, when I go to environments like that and feel like drinking, it's a sign that I need to leave because I am getting overwhelmed.

I thought about propranolol, but saw that it was a beta blocker and decided not to risk it in case I had some heart thing. Wasn’t crazy about the warning that if you stop taking it suddenly, there could be serious side effects. I’m sure that’s only if you take it regularly, but I don’t want to chance it

That makes sense, and I definitely do not want to give you any medical advice. However, I would like to clear up that since it's a beta-blocker, it helps reduce blood pressure and heart rate. So for people like me that tend to have borderline high blood pressure, it helps me physically anyway. Also, the doses for helping calm anxiety are much lower than for blood pressure treatment. The dosage for hypertension is 80mg-240m/day. The dosage I take is 20mg as needed, which I'm currently taking around 3-4 times/week. I am not concerned about abrupt cessation since I don't take it regularly enough for my body to accommodate it and have complications if I stop.

I keep thinking that it’s not socially acceptable to remove yourself and limit exposure, but then I remember that it’s the people in my life who see full immersion as normal and a requirement.

Yep! And maybe it's only those people that think that way. If you were around autistic and autistic-friendly people, they would probably insist that you not immerse yourself to the point of being overwhelmed.

Maybe I’ll try a stimming toy and see if I feel different. Like one other person said, having a role/job at an event or anywhere always takes some edge off.

Stimming can help a bit, but sometimes I have to find socially acceptable ways so that I don't make people feel uncomfortable. Imagine what an NT with limited exposure to autism would think if they saw a 40 y/o man in the corner repeating the same phrase and flapping his hands for 5 mins 😆. Another trick that helps me is to find ways to take sensory breaks. For example, going to the bathroom or a run to the store would be a socially acceptable way to take a break. Also, I hadn't thought of it, but now that you say it, I too find that having a role/job at an event is helpful! It gives me something to focus on and an excuse to get out of social situations that feel uncomfortable. Thanks for pointing that out!

You ever hear of Kanna?

Nope. What is that??

@haui_lemmy@lemmy.giftedmc.com!!! Hi 👋😀

You're welcome! While Eminem hasn't explicitly stated it, there's a lot of evidence indicating that he's autistic. I think the song Legacy is too on point of the autistic experience for an NT to write. In Wicked Ways, he has a line that says, "Ever heard of Asperger's? It's a rare condition..." Later on in the same song, there are lyrics that go:

To this day I, still get in fights with the same broad

At the same Walmart arguing over the same cart

In the middle of the aisle wil'in'

I don't give a fuck, I don't play

Bitch you think you saw this basket first?

You're ass backwards like motherfucking Bob and Silent Jay

The dude is seriously rapping in an official song about what would be considered a minor issue, but because he's so set on rules and morals, a lady taking a basket he saw first drives him bonkers, lol. That would totally be me if I didn't have autism therapy to help me put that into perspective and be more chill about it.

Also, there are all sorts of interviews where he is either seemingly overwhelmed and unconventionally honest or obviously confused by the social interaction. The second interview was upsetting for me because I think Colbert was being an ass to Eminem.

Additionally, I think that the fact that he's White but involved in rap hints at his autistic perspective on the stupidity of race. Like, he surely sees that there is systemic racism, but it seems to me that he innately doesn't believe in race as concrete characteristic that naturally divides humans into distinct categories. Otherwise, he'd probably be less involved in a music style that is mostly dominated by Black people. This argument might just be me projecting my beliefs though 🤷‍♂️

But to answer your question: yes, it seems like you intuitively related to Eminem because he's one of us (✋🏳️‍🌈AUT😀ISM🏳️‍🌈🤚). He seems to have savant-level skill with rhyming and music to the point that many famous rappers have publicly stated that they will not start problems with Eminem because his response would be embarrassingly better. The dude is a rap legend.

Personally, I totally get his rhythm. I feel like it's similar to how I speak: atypical spurts that are on beat with pauses and extensions in the middle of statements for effect or to think and rhythmic inflections for artistic fun/to be silly and have a style. Whereas other rappers seem to have a more fluid and standard rhythm where the inflections are at the ends to emphasize the meaning of entire message, which matches how NTs speak.

Neat! Thanks for sharing 😀

You're very welcome! I have found a lot of support and benefits from this community too. FYI, we have a Matrix chat that is really welcoming. Feel free to jump on in and act like you belong because you do! We generally just chat and talk about whatever, but we also have rooms for helpful support, tech related matters, and even memes.

LPT or masking tip?

More like a joke, but I bet the tip would work with people that historically do not respect boundaries but you still have to maintain a working relationship with. But yeah, I've been on a de-masking kick lately, and it's so much nicer. Less stress and I start building relationships with people I can be myself around.

yay progress

🥳🥳🥳

I'm still surprised how similar a lot of us are. It's like being autistic results in having nearly the same experience across the board.

That sucks! I use a Walgreens for my pharmacy. Tho they wont tell me what they have in stock, they are cool with my psychiatrist calling them to see what they have available. Lately, there's been a good stock of methylphenidate CR (extended release Ritalin) in my area. Hope that helps!

Thanks for letting me know about that community and encouraging me to share my work. I have cross-posted to there :)

exactly. compared to a toolbar which would only be one click that is right on the screen.

I relate to this a lot.

Definitely more common with autistic people. There's a theory of autism, Intense World Theory, that posits the fundamental concepts of autism make the world is too intense for us. We perceive things more intensely, we process things more intensely, we remember things more intensely, and we focus more intensely. Since the world is tailored for NTs, we are more likely to develop a traumatized personality which results in fawning/people-pleasing. Orion Kelly has a video I like on fawning, though he doesn't discuss the Intense World Theory.

As far as my own personal beliefs at this time, I think that autistic people are constantly told from childhood that their perception of the world is incorrect. If we don't agree to succumb, we are punished. This makes us dependent on others to tell us how the world works. As such, we don't develop confidence in social situations and become submissive to others.

The first one is me when I’m anxious, the 2nd one is me when im fed up or tired.

I'm exactly the same. If I'm anxious, such as in new social settings, I will completely overanalyze everything and run it by trusted friends to see what I am missing. If I'm fed up with their bs, then I couldn't care less, hold strict boundaries, and only focus on face value, despite the consequences. I'm not going to put forth all this energy to making things work with certain people when I don't find the value in it or feel like they're not putting forth the same effort.

The best is when I’m neither anxious nor tired, I just pick up what I pick up and what I don’t… well people will just have to be more fucking clear about it don’t they?

Yep. I've been slowly taking this approach with the idea that I will naturally end up in a group where I belong as I am. If people get upset or I don't feel comfortable in one social setting, then I just wont engage. I'll eventually find a place where I feel comfortable.

Interesting! I've recently gotten into learning about the Bible, even going to a well-educated and motivated Pastor for classes. Can you elaborate on making St Matthew autistic? Is he known to have autistic traits, or is it more of a thought exercise?

Feel free to infodump. I want to know more about this!!

For me, I overcame fear of failure by failing. I have tried all sorts of things: create, develop skills, complete major tasks, etc. Lots of them failed, while some were successful. What I learned was in most cases, unless the matter is detrimental to well-being, failure is fine. If I want to learn to play the solo for ...And Justice for All, but all I was able to get to was the solo for Nutshell by Alice in Chains, that's fine. I learned a lot in the process and still was able to play a solo, even if not the one I wanted. I also found a talent for learning scales and improvising lead guitar, something I had no intention of doing from the start. In this, I also learned to appreciate mistakes. While some mistakes can be harmful or embarrassing, others are pretty cool. They let me learn knew ways of doing things that I wouldn't have come up with by just thinking. Using the guitar example again, I wanted to see if I could imitate Smashing Pumpkins' distortion because I love it. I wasn't able to, but in the process, I learned a lot about sound effects and came up with a distortion of my own that I really like. I wouldn't have been able to create that or even know I wanted it without just making an attempt.

A recent "failure" I had was to start going to the gym and gain 15 lbs. I failed because I got overwhelmed with other matters and even got bronchitis for 1.5 weeks. However, there are lessons in this failure. I learned about my capacities and motivations, and can now develop strategies to try the next time I make an attempt to do the same thing again. There was no serious harm that came from the attempt and failure, just lessons.

Maybe reframing it in a way that says, "I'm going to try and see what happens," rather than saying, "I am going to succeed or fail," could help. I'm going to try allows for a lot of possibilities, some that you might not even have considered. I'm going to succeed or fail is limiting you to only two options, and the good one (succeed) is improbable because there is only one way to succeed, but there are infinity ways to fail.

In fact, getting meta, I don't know if this comment will succeed at helping you, or fail to do so. However, I made an attempt and got to review my experience with failures, learning more about myself. Maybe other people will comment and I could learn even more, or maybe I'll keep thinking about this and develop a more helpful perspective. Perhaps something good and unexpected will come from it. Either way, it's a net positive.

Mine is definitely overstimulation in a public environment. Sure, some drugs are not good for that type of problem, but others are.

For me, alcohol and opiates work great at being able to sustain the overstimulation in the moment. However, they both have decisive disadvantages to me. With alcohol, I can no longer drive and might be stuck there until someone can take me home. I will also likely get a terrible hang over the next day, and there's a good chance I will make stupid decisions that I will eventually regret. I was prescribed opioids for a while once due to a painful medical condition. During this time, I noticed that I was able to not only endure overstimulation, but I was calmer in lots of situations that I normally would not have. The disadvantage is that it is highly addictive, and requires a prescription to use legally and relatively safely. THey kind of dulls happiness and other pleasurable feelings and sensations. Also, the feeling of the experience is fake because it is clouded and dependent on the opioid. "Perhaps I don't like this loud concert even on opioids, I just like being on opioids and I'm misattributing the pleasure to the concert." Both of these, alcohol and opioids, are terrible strategies in my experience.

One thing that works for me with overstimulation from social situations is a propranolol (blood pressure med) prescription from my psychiatrist. It helps my body calm down without affecting my mental clarity or providing any pleasurable feelings. This helps me engage and endure social situations better and longer, but I try not to rely on it unless I am feeling extra worked up.

As far as coping with system overload, I'm working with my autism therapist, but it seems that really the only way to manage this is to limit exposure and plan recovery rest. By limiting exposure, I either have to 1) avoid those situations, 2) be aware of myself and leave those situations before getting overwhelmed, or 3) find way to reduce the sensory impact (e.g. dulling the sensory stimulus). For the last one, here are some ideas that I found help me.

Be ready:

• I carry a backpack with all sorts of stuff almost everywhere I go just in case

Noise:

• ear plugs
• noise cancelling headphones and playlists of helpful music

Light:

• sunglasses
• darkest legal tint for my car
• if I have something planned that will be bright, close blinds at home so that I am fresh when I get exposed to light
• take breaks by going into dark areas as possible

Touch:

• light and loose clothing
• use of liquid fabric softener
• hoodies
• sneakers
• wearing shirts inside out at home
• showering when I feel dirty
• brushing my teeth first thing in the morning

Food:

• I don't eat too much to avoid feeling slow, sleepy, and bloated
• have light snacks with me in case I get hungry: apples, bananas, tangerines, chips, crackers, etc.

Distractions to help cope:

• strong mints that I can place in my mouth and use for stealthy stimming. hard candy would work as well, tho not as distracting as mints.
• stimming gadgets: legit stimming toys, pens to take apart and reassemble, paper to fold into interesting shapes, etc.
• disconnect from the overwhelming thing (e.g. social situation) and engage in something in your environment you find interesting

Updated! Thanks 😀