This was suggested to me by @BackOnMyBS@lemmy.autism.place.

• I'm a late teen (17). I got an autism diagnosis (which still causes more problems, than good) when I was three years old.
• You already know a lot about autism (since most of you are autistic), so you don't need any explanation (even if it's a spectrum).
• Now let's explain why I think I'm a narcissist: When I entered high school a few years ago, I started feeling superior to my schoolmates. At first I felt, this was justified, as I have way better grades than my schoolmates (and had a way higher admission score (or whatever it's called) than others), but later I realized, it was unjustified, as even if I'm smarter, than everyone, I have other challenges (executive function, procrastination of anything related to communication). That wouldn't be anything weird, but even after that realization, I just can't grasp the fact my schoolmates aren't stupid and useless. AMA

PS:I know it's a way too long post and doesn't belong here, but it is what it is.

I don't know how to explain. But this video clicks a few pieces together for me.

Maybe it will help another autistic person "fit in" better.

I feel like it's a bit of a long shot. I could see how certain things like being depressed could contribute to being withdrawn and lead to a lack of social skills.

I feel like my sister was misdiagnosed because I tend to be the voice of compassion when we talk about issues related to people with autism.

And of course there's a correlation between having autism and being trans.

!onion article titled "tourist immediately breaks 34 sacred local customs while deboarding plane

If someone thinks that autists have trouble communicating, they just need to see us talk to each other!

(Also, I often identified as an alien as a kid.)

[cw: cptsd? meltdowns/shutdowns]

i'm wondering about people's experiences with having meltdowns or shutdowns in their dreams. is this common? how do you deal with it if you get this?

i often have stress dreams rehashing themes from a period in my life when i experienced a very high frequency of shutdowns due to life circumstances, and was wondering if this is common as perhaps a delayed (potentially ptsd) reaction/processing thing. i thought it was interesting that, at least recently, there have been increasing numbers of meltdown dreams where i feel completely overwhelmed by sensory and emotional stimuli, causing me to enter uncontrollable rages, typical meltdown urge to self injure (e.g. head banging), et cetera. this is despite both of the facts that in the past i barely, if ever, experienced meltdowns, as well as that at the moment i live a calmer, comparatively stress-free life with very infrequent meltdowns or shutdowns.

there is probably a link between past shutdowns causing delayed processing as dream meltdowns perhaps? at the time of the shutdowns i feel like they probably happened as a result of external pressure not permitting meltdowns maybe.

i suppose i'm just looking to see if anybody has experienced anything similar/to vent a little haha. i don't really know what to do about it. my dream lucidity isn't regularly that high atm. it would be nice if anybody has figured out a way to deal with it other than the regular ptsd dreams rescripting advice (hasn't really worked)/sleep health. the regular night terrors are genuinely becoming exhausting at this point and not looking forward to a life of this ngl. does it get better with time?

I was diagnosed 7 years ago as autistic, though I didnt realise at the time it was a diagnosis, I was informed a few years later that what I thought was a specialists opinion was actually a formal diagnosis. But due to family history, my adhd was addressed first. They were supposed to refer me to autism specialist after the adhd stuff but due to mistakes I got discharged and it took a few years and a few phone calls to correct the mistake. So I knew I have adhd, I understood I was a bit autistic. Fast forward to this week, I got a call after my assessment, and I score extremely high for autism. I was a bit surprised by that, as I function mostly quite well in my day to day despite some things maybe being a little harder for me than other people. My specialist explained that an ability to function does not measure someones level of autism. So now I guess im very autistic.

Its bittersweet. Its helpful to know and im being given resources and access to groups for coping and one that helps you stay in work - which is the important one for me as before my current job where my manager has been very patient and understanding, I have always had a lot of problems with employment. Im still not quite processing it fully, but Ive felt some hints inside myself that this does also make me feel a bit sad, but I probably wont be sure of that until later on one night when I cant get to sleep due to delayed processing.

Groups like this and others have been a big help throughout my diagnoses journey, and alongside reading about autism research and speaking with people in these groups, ive learnt a lot about myself and ways to manage my daily life and lessen the impact of everything.

I still feel like a bit of an imposter when seeking help, as I am very high functioning, and can pass as quite intelligent in most settings, and working at a job where I often encounter low functioning and even non verbal poung people, its hard to feel like I deserve to ask for help in the first place.

A thing only exists if I know it exists. I experience good days and bad days but I do the best I can to keep moving forward despite this flaw. I don't have any wisdom to share but I hope y'all have a nice day 😊

Hi ppl,

I am really new to the idea of being autism and since it becomes clearer to me to understand what this means to my life today and in the past, i am feeling a lot more stressed which leads to shutdown over shutdown.

Oft course I can name some triggers like public transport without ANC or some situations at work where I need to talk to customer I really dislike. Those were things I ever hated.

Thankfully I built up a collective working environment and being my own boss , which means that I can change at least everything in my working day pretty easy. BUT it is really hard for me to unterstand what is good for me and what is not good, cause this was nothing I ever learned in my life before. It was more often like "eat that frog, life is hard!". I now try to reduce stressful activity and find more time for me and try to guess my needings but struggling in figure out what is not good for me. I dont feel it in the Moment it happens but shutting down a few hours or days later.

How did you isolate triggers and how do you handle them, if they are not that easy to cancel or you dont want to lose sbd? What do you do in a shutdown situation when you cant escape easily?

I can actually vibe quite bigly and be very animated/engaged, but at the end of the day, I am an introvert, and a certain amount of mental recharge time is absolutely 100% required or my mind will stop working right.

What I mean by that is, if I am continuously exposed to the presence of "incompatible" human beings (the "compatible" ones seem to be a subset of people with ADHD / ASD / mood disorders), I will literally start showing symptoms similar to dementia, I will progressively lose my ability to speak and understand language, I will eventually start having (boring) hallucinations, etc. All of this is reversible if I am subsequently left the fuck alone, though the cognitive effects can persist for weeks or months after a bad episode.

In part because I do tech work which requires keeping a lot of information in mind at once, the above issue renders me unable to work during acute burnout, and unable to predict when or how much I'll be able to work during chronic (but not acute) burnout.

Because of this, I am (by some definitions) homeless, don't control my living environment, don't even fully control my diet for various reasons, etc. I'm actually writing this post as a tangent from looking up diabetes warning signs and discovering I have a number, all consistent with each other, all of which slowly got worse at the same rate over the last 5 years of chronic burnout. This is a result of not being able to control my diet or my exercise level (wayyy too fatigued from overstim most of the time).

But it's all, 100% of it, a carryover effect of not being able to get enough solitude that my mind can self-regulate sufficiently to be able to do paying work on a regular basis.

I lost my home a few years into the burnout and wound up bouncing thru a series of friends. Every single household had human factors that drove me into burnout. It's people who don't know how be still, who are always Doing Something even if they are sitting still - I can never stop perceiving them or being "on guard" in a house with them. It grinds me right down to the bone and then some. Anyway it was just dumb luck of the draw - some percentage of the population I can live with just fine. 3 years into this phase I ended up in an area that's very sprawly, did get a car for a while but not one I'd trust to take more than 10 or 15 miles, you should have seen this deathtrap, it was like a sitcom car, and anyway it died last year. So, I can't just walk to town and work at McDonald's or whatever. Camping options (uninhabited woods) exist but camping in them is illegal (which I've done on a couple desperate occasions).

I'm not entirely sure why I'm even posting this, other than to say I made a friend diagnosed with ASD a few years back who has a very similar symptom profile to me, but who is even more sensitive than me, and trapped like this with her own family. I know y'all are out there. You're valid. I know you're trying even if you've been so goddamn tired your eyeballs could melt for a month, 6 months, a year, 3 years.

I don't know about you, but I literally just need to be left the fuck alone and I will be fine, and able to pull myself out of the hole in 6-12 months. But that's the problem, this is America, nobody gets that kind of runway unless they're rich (or young and middle class with nice and/or indulgent family).

I don't need to be alone, but with 4 alcoholics having a rager in the rest of the house.

I don't need to be alone, but with occasional random people in and out of the house.

I don't need to be alone, but for only 24 total hours each week in irregular intervals.

I need to be able to access solitude / the company only of people who don't fixate my attention with their human presence, whenever I need, for as long as I need. Period.

Anyway, I'm legit thankful to live in a society where this is even fucking possible. I'm in North America and I know how to tickle computers. I've been on my ass for a literal decade, but if anybody can finagle a way back from it, it's me.

There are a lot of people who started off like I did - lower middle class with bright parents - and who ended up like I did, who beat themselves up relentlessly over it. I went to support groups and I saw how bad they hurt. Fortunately I don't have that problem, but I like to keep myself from developing it by doing shit like meditating, and watching videos of South Asian metalworking factories where dudes pour molten steel into molds while barefoot, and don't wait for the dust to settle in the lead oxide ball mill tumbler before opening the door and taking in a nice big lungful.

Eh, that's probably enough for now. I see you and love you, obligate introverts.

cross-posted from: https://sopuli.xyz/post/13715105

> Idk how to embed audio to Lemmy but imagine it playing on the background lol > > Lazlo bayne - I'm no superman > >

I think that this video has helped me develop some insight on how to spot high-masking autism, not just among women. I found a lot of the material covered in the video relatable even though I am male. Maybe that has something to do with our elevated rejection of established gender roles as a whole. Regardless, I like how rather than listing concrete signs, he gave a list of patterns that would be common to masking autistic women (I believe all genders, really) in a manner that could still be easily noticed. This also helped me understand that the cause of some autistic traits are not fundamental, but rather a result of masking. 🤯

Aside from the signs of masking autism, the ending hit me emotionally. He validates something that no one has really validated for me. I've been told my entire life that I was too much, not enough, or purposely trying to violate rules and norms out of some moral or character failing. It's like I wanted to be careless/offensive or a loser. However, when he covered how much effort we put into masking and that it takes a lot of energy to do, I felt a validation I don't remember ever experiencing. It's like someone said, "I believe you're doing your best."

He also elaborates on the impact of when we tell someone that we're autistic or have difficulties in certain areas and they invalidate it by saying that we're not autistic or that we function normally. He then posits that when we unmask, we need others to validate that experience. I think that statement was not only directed at us, but others that have autistic people in their lives. I plan on using that to guide who I continue to allow in my life. If I need to mask or am invalidated by someone when I unmask, then they're not a good fit for me, so I will interact with them less.

[post is about autism diagnostic in germany, so is the language]

Moin ihr lieben,

ich bin gerade auf der Suche nach einer ASS Diagnostik für Erwachsene in Deutschland. Den Wunsch das in und um Hamburg herum zu finden habe ich schon aufgegeben, da die Wartelisten bis minimum 2025 geschlossen sind. Meine Idee war dann, dass ich meinen Suchbereich ausweite und hoffe auf diesem Weg Anregungen zu bekommen, wo es Ambulanzen oder Kliniken gibt, die vielleicht etwas weniger Wartezeit haben. Ich bin ohne Frage gewillt auch dafür quer durchs Land zu fahren.

Viele Grüße

I'm really needing new headphones to drown out the noise when I'm out on Public transit or just at home during panic attacks.

Very small requirements for anybody that has some they enjoy.

Bluetooth and works with android devices (preferably without a app aka natively). Has good noise cancelling and can block out most sounds but doesn't have horrible ringing in them (I'm using from the super cheap kinda noise cancelling?) doesn't have to be good with music but preferred though.

In ear or over idc about that

Has to be under 100.

If anybody has recommendations it would be awesome.

Fyi new to Lemmy so forgive me if I don't do some proper "etiquette". Also autism :p

Occasionally I have these days where I don't feel like doing work or chores. So I'm thinking, why not just enjoy myself, do something that interests me?

But then I don't find any motivation to do anything really. Not even the things I normally enjoy very much.

Typically I would then waste time browsing or watching videos, but that seems to make it worse. How to snap out of this?

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/16132498

> How was this show made

Why can't I just be normal. Why do I have to be so zoned in. Why does my attention never go beyond my own skin.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/13942739

> Sometimes I look back on my life and wonder exactly how much of my life and current personality is purely due to the autism.

How does this play for you ? I identify as spectrum, what used to be Asperger's, and have to work really hard to get to visual phantasia, but I can. Also worked hard to remove aural phantasia? via meditation because of negative self talk. Do you see 'aphant' as a useful designation? Thoughts, Ideas?

from the puzzle solving and maths questions to answering of questions

I fell asleep from the mental exhaustion after I got home

I prefer Claude.ai

cross-posted from: https://literature.cafe/post/10359040

> Scientists Pinpoint Main Cause of Sensory Hypersensitivity in Autism > > This study has identified the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) as a key area in the brain responsible for sensory hypersensitivity in autism spectrum disorders. Utilizing a mouse model with a Grin2b gene mutation, heightened neural activity and connectivity in the ACC was observed. Suppressing this hyperactivity normalized the sensory hypersensitivity, offering new insights into treatment options > > https://www.nature.com/articles/s41380-024-02572-y > (open access)

I'm looking for online programs that help us navigate the world as autistic people. It could be anything, such as learning about autism, neurotypicals, social settings, identifying your emotions, self-care for autistic people, common terms related to autism, autistic love languages, etc...anything that helps autistic people live life.

If you have completed any programs related to being autistic, what were they and what did you think about them? Were they helpful?

The 60s and 70s (for me) had no awareness of my problems. Only now am I discovering that I did what I could, but I wasn't equipped to deal with people well.

It's too late for me, but I'm glad kids today have more resources, although the problems are just as hard to navigate.

God bless you all.

I'm still on my journey of understanding the differences between autism and other. My focus today is eye contact, so let's have a discussion!

Guiding questions:

• What do you think is the underlying difference that causes autistic people to use less eye contact than others?

• What does it feel like for you?

• How do you interpret other people's eye contact?

• Do you avoid it, use short glances, or maintain NT-levels of eye contact?

• Does it vary by situation?

• Anything else you would like to discuss regarding eye contact?

Question is open to anyone. If not identified, then the assumption is the user is autistic. Otherwise, if you're NT or other ND, please state so 🙂

My partner and I just had a talk about it. Basically, she celebrated her birthday today. I was on her party, and it was fun, but I left after around 2 hours to get home and relax a bit. After I arrived, a friend of mine texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a lake and see the sunset. I agreed, we went to the lake and went swimming in it; it was really nice. Later, after arriving at my partners, she talked with me that it hurts her that I went out with someone else on her birthday, doing a romantically coded activity.

To be honest, I realize that I don't have a single clue what is coded as a romantically coded activity. For me, this was something completely okay and appropriate, because it is for me clearly a friend-thing; but my partner explained to me that the combination of going out with another person on her birthday and going to a sea, which is a secluded place, just heavily connotates it in a romantic way.

I understand that what I've done here wasn't right, and that I have responsibility here. Even though I didn't want to hurt my partner, it is still my responsibility to inform myself here on romantically conmotated things you shouldn't do in a partnership. So, dear people of Lemmy, what does constitute a romantic moment?

Edit: I've left out some information which seems to be important for the whole picture . I've copied it out of my comment and adding it here:

***

Me and my gf got together in August of last year, so basically 8 months ago; we were friends for half a year before that. She got cheated on in her long distance relationship before.

The friend who invited me to the sea I actually know for almost as long as my partner, from the beginning of Uni. She had a breakup from a three-year old relationship a few months ago, and I was there to support her. I didn't clarify before though if she was okay with me cuddling with people or not; I assumed it was with her, because it was okay in her LDR before - which was wrong of me. I overstepped the boundaries of my partner here.

The friend in question kissed me at the neck while I was at hers. I talked with her about it and let her know that I wasn't okay with it, to which she reacted quite hurt. She then told me that we shouldn't be friends, but two weeks ago she collapsed at Uni and I brought her home. Now we are meeting again.

While I'm writing this down, I'm actually starting to notice that there are a lot of other factors playing in why my partner is upset here. She has been cheated on in the past, which definitely leads her to feel uncomfortable about my actions, even though I obviously don't want to cheat. I broke a societally unwritten rule of not meeting people in romantically coded settings on your partners birthday. And I overstepped the boundary of my partner before by cuddling with the friend without my partners consent.

***

I want to be more respecting of my own sensory needs, and notice certain fabrics are incredible uncomfortable, as opposed to others. I've also noticed loose clothing feels more comfortable for me, then tight clothes. Cotton feels good, polyester does not. I understand this may potentially vary for each person, but wanted to ask about it anyway.

I think it would be interesting to share lessons we've learned about socializing that didn't come natural to us like they do for NTs.

• What social difficulties did you have, and what did you learn to compensate for them?

• Also, since there's a difference between autistic and NT cultures, what lessons did you learn about socializing with NTs and in NT environments?

Infodumps are welcomed! 😁

If you have, how well has it helped? Did different colors, such as those driving yellow tinted ones, help more? I have some transitions glasses, but that only helps outside. I saw on at least one site rose colored migraine glasses and am thinking about getting a pair.

A video covering what they look like and what can trigger them.

I am reading "Unmasking Autism" by Devon Price and the introduction has an exercise that requires you to come up with 5 moments in your life where you felt fully alive. I have spent the better part of yesterday trying to remember such moments, but I am not even sure what it means... I was hoping the community here can provide some insights, either by sharing their moments or their definition of being "fully alive".

Full text of the exercise for anyone interested: > Instructions: Think of five moments in your life when you felt like you were FULLY ALIVE. Try to find moments from throughout your life (childhood, adolescence, adulthood; school, work, vacation, hobbies). > > Some of the moments might leave you with a sense of awe and wonder—“wow, if all of life was like that, life would be amazing!” Some of the moments might leave you feeling deeply recharged and ready to face the next challenge, or satisfied and fulfilled. > > Write down each of these moments. Tell the story of each moment in as much detail as possible. Try to think specifically about why the moment stuck with you sodramatically.

Edit: A few people have interpreted the title as serious, so I wanna clarify that it was meant as a sarcastic joke about how little sense the neurotypical world makes to me, but it is still legitimately me asking for help understanding said neurotypical world.

Was having a conversation with a friend today about why I seem unapproachable to people online. Apparently it's for 2 reasons.

One is that I say "K." all the time, as a short way of saying okay. She pointed out that most people find this rude and offensive. This kinda baffled me, because like why? She explained that like, if somebody were to give a long emotional speech and I just responded "K." that would be offensive. That confounds me. So it's rude in one context, and neurotypicals have decided to be offended by it in all contexts? But the reason it's rude is what confuses me more. Apparently it's considered lazy because you could have just typed out the word, but like, that applies to all text speech and nobody's mad about people shortening those words.

But it got more confusing when she explained the second reason, which is that I end all of my sentences with proper punctuation, which she said "makes people feel like I'm done with the conversation and not interested." But just a second ago improper grammar was rude, and now proper grammar is rude instead.

It baffles me. You can't just use proper or improper grammar. Use too much improper grammar and you're lazy and rude. Use too little and you're also rude. But you can't just use any improper grammar, you have to use the very specific subset of improper grammar that's been deemed acceptable and not lazy (even though it's exactly as lazy as what they do consider lazy.)

To be clear, I'm not bitter, and I'm definitely gonna adjust my behavior to hopefully seem a little less rude to people. I think that's just a nice thing to do. I just find the neurotypical mind utterly fascinating. I don't think they even realize how many contradictions exist in the social rules they all so easily accept.

II have thought about this off an on for a while, and decided I will talk more about it here since I haven't been able to find a more welcome place for someone who is considered spiritual and on the autistic spectrum. I'm not even sure what the right place is though as there are times I tend to feel lost in more ways than one and perhaps cut off when I get mistaken for an AI bot in a few places.

My story starts where I was born into a family with a Mormon Church ancestry, even though I wasn't actually connected to the Christian Church. I'm not going to go into religion here since I don't want this to turn into some religious argument. Anyway, when I was six or seven years old living in a house further away from my grandma's house, it seemed apparent that I was more connected to nature where I would watch water running along the ground in little rivers.

After my family had moved back closer to my grandma, I found myself going out into the woods behind her backyard almost every time I was visiting her and going to the stream back there to look at it. I remember during the time it seemed magical and mystical while I was exploring on the frozen marsh there in late fall and was looking at the twilight in the sky at sunset realizing I needed to head back to the house.

During one of the times I was out in those woods as a kid, I had encountered something that looked human that said "hey there' and I ran all the way back to the house scared not knowing what it is. Sometime after that, there was upheaval going on between my parents which may have been due to the time the chimney was blocked and the house was smoking up, I ended up being brought to my grandma's house with my siblings to spend the night. I have memories of wearing footed pajamas with the vinyl feet, but had developed holes in the feet for some reason. It was night and I could sense there is something out there.

When I was home again and it was sometime around late spring or summer, I had become interested in the Care Bears and while I was playing with brick blocks, wooden blocks, and large train tracks that were plastic from a riding train in the basement playroom, I was writing letters to Tender Heart Bear and leaving them in the kitchen window where they were being answered. I think it may have been because I was looking for a friend since I was friends with the neighbor girl Carrie before, but then she stopped being friends of me and my siblings weren't being kind to me either.

At some point, I was allowed to get this three foot tall Tender Heart Bear plush from Toys-r-Us after getting good grades in school, and it became my only friend. Sometime later, there was upheaval going on between my parents again and we ended up being forced to leave there and go on a cross country trip to Washington State. I couldn't bring much of anything with me and so I lost a number of things including my three foot Tenderheart Bears.

While I was in the van traveling by woodlands, I had this mystical sensation of something out there calling me to come back out into the woods for some reason and couldn't do anything while in a van. On top of that, I remember seeing the darkening sky and sensed some kind of mystical connection with the western sky for some reason as well, and this might be related to the feeling of being disconnected from nature and lost.

Years later, when I was back on the east coast and was living in a town house in northwest New Jersey after moving a couple more times, I recovered my three foot Tenderheart Bear and I also had a dream about seeing a white mouse who was named Heather in the backyard who was sad. She told me her husband was killed by a croaker while searching for one of the two greatest treasures in the world, and she was pointing to a steep grassy hill that appeared in the distance from the house as she continued saying one of the two greatest treasures lies just over that hill.

This may been related to where I used to live in Pennsylvania where there is a tree covered hill in a similar location from the front of the house, and over it is where my grandma's house is located. During that time, my mother had met someone who was having me forced to be going to a Christian Church and I really didn't seem at all comfortable with it, but thankfully I was no longer going there after she broke up with him. Sometime after that when I was beginning to look at Pagan and Druid stuff out of interest, I was visiting my grandma's house again thanks to my sister.

During a visit out there again, I was sensing this presence there and wasn't sure what it was even though it led to me having dreams about a fox. I ended up looking for help and was soon hooked up with a seer calling herself Yotewah and Coyote's Green Eyed Daughter, She also went by the name of Kikyo and I told her about the presence I felt at my grandma's house while showing her a sketch I did of a fox wearing blue clothing I had seen and remember from one of my dreams, and she astral traveled afterward to find that it is a fox boy called Kane.

A while after that and feeling like he is a friend I lost years ago at my grandma's house, I ended up with my getting someone to make me a custom Kane the Fox plush so I have something physical I can cuddle up to. Sometime after that, I had a dream about a girl outside the first townhouse I was moved to in Northwest New Jersey, and brought that up with the seer who found it was a fae girl named Lindsey who is an elf girl. She saw she was being chased by something dark and evil and took care of whatever it was. That later ended up with me having a custom plush I made of her using her description that I remembered,

When I started having a couple dreams about darkness out in the woods behind my grandma's house that may be related to what I saw out there when I was a kid, I told the seer about them and she had astral traveled there to cleanse the woods and my grandma's house. She told me there was some sort of guardian that she cleaned as they were being harmed by something that had the form of the Sprite from the Secret of Mana game.

After I had been moved out into a rural area with a yard that had some trees, I remember having a dream being in the yard there and could feel this pulling sensation. So I had contacted the seer about there and she found out there is a vortex and guardian there nearby. Then while I was back at my grandma's house and talking to her about Kane the Fox, she assumed it represented me due to having the Todd as one of my surnames. After I told her about the seer I had been talking to and showing her all the records that I kept, she had wanted to know her credentials even though she had not asked for money or anything in return. I later did that and ended up learning the seer was taught by the Elder of Serpentstone, it let to a little bit of an argument with her and I continued talking to the seer.

Not long after that, I had a dream about something pretending to be Kane that had a crescent moon on its cheek and I was uncomfortable. I also remember seeing an eclipse in the sky in the dream. After I had another dream where I could hear Kane calling for help, I contacted the seer and she looked into it and found that it was a Kane Pretender who trapped Kane away from me. She not only found and brought him back to me, but sealed the Kane Pretender away in an ice sphere of love and placed it in an ice glacier somewhere guarded by a dragon.

After that ordeal, I started having dreams again with Kane in them and was better. I continued having the dreams about him off and on as well as a few about Lindsey, and soon I had moved one last time into a house with a larger piece of property that included woods out back. Just after the move, I was feeling rather uncomfortable and had a couple dreams about fairies. I told the seer about this and after investigating, it turned out that I have fairies that are not only fond of me, but had been told the name of their queen. I continued having dreams about Kane and my grandma's house off an on and at some point, I have lost contact with the seer.

Some more years have passed and now I have been feeling worried and a little depressed (lately around the winter solstice when the days are short and no greenery to be seen outside other than bamboo, plus too cold to go outside). It may be due to the state of the world and things being forgotten and taken away leading to the feeling of them being lost, and the fact that recently I have been seeing trees dying off. It could also be the fear that I'm having on and off about emerging technologies such as artificial intelligence, the fear of an artificial super intelligence, and brain computer interfaces and stuff that are a threat to the innermost privacy of the mind, and there being too much change happening and autistic people cannot adapt to change well.

This could very well be because of my strong connection with the woodlands and there being decline of woodlands that is upsetting to me like I can feel the pain of what is happening to nature and to the fae folk. At this time, it seems I'm feeling so lost and so cut off since I haven't picked up much friends. There were also were attempts to get me back into the christian church and be cut off my attachments with the woods and the spiritual friends I have. When I first brought this up in a Pagan subreddit on Reddit, someone alerted Reddit Help Resources which I don't think if that was right as I wasn't even talking about committing suicide as its not quite that bad, and I'm not thinking that for that matter.

Right now, I have been thinking positively on what thinks can be talked about or done, and it feels like we need to bring back something like a Koala Kafe in the comforting woods to talk about stuff like this. I also keep thinking about the Last Mimzy movie where it feels like Gaia, the soul of our world, has become sick and people are becoming isolated and warlike (see what is happening to Ukraine and Israel), and our world is frightened and is dying. And has feeling like looking for a great scientist to try many times and is willing to try once more, this is the Last Lindsey (based from the elf girl with a strong affinity for the forests since she is of the forest). Her task feels like it would be teaching of how precious the woodlands are and saving them, as well as finding a soul not contaminated by the technological pollutants that fill our bodies and minds like our precious quality of humanity has been turned off, and it is said the soul's tears would contain an instruction for an awakening that would spread like wildflowers.

Anyway, sometimes I feel like we could use something like a Koala Kafe in a peaceful woodland place that is like being among the comforting koalas, even though they are listed as endangered in Australia and need our help. I also have lots of created characters and ideas and had been trying to work on a few stories, but I feel bringing them online in the wrong place will lead them being scraped by AI Bots and be used against me to make things worse. I'm just afraid whatever I create and write to give to be helpful would also end up be given to the elite few thanks to their AI bots. I feel that I currently need someone to talk to about this and figure out what the solution to this is.