Congratulations. You played yourself

Plant: Wait, so you're going to replant me, in massive numbers, all across the planet? kk nm, go ahead.

One of reasons why some biologists suggest that one of the most evolutionarily successful animals on the planet is the farm chicken.

At an estimated global population of 35 billion, it's definitely doing a lot better than our 8 billion.

And evolutionarily successful doesn't mean you get to be the best, fastest, strongest and have the best most comfortable life ... evolutionary success just means that there are more of your species creating more generations of your kind everywhere. The hope being that the more there are of your species, the more likely your kind will survive in the future.
- I've heard archaeologists suggest that in far future times this will be known as the chicken age, because of the volume and likely preservation of chicken bones.
- Yeah but they can't survive without us, and are essentially prisoners
- Twice that many chickens are killed a year. It's not what I'd call a roaring success in terms of evolution.
Is it really wheat that domesticated us?
- Try not to think about it. Being able to grow food meant more people staying put which meant the violent were dealt with. We show the impacts of this process the way domesticated animals do, neoteny.
We're also going to change your genes to benefit ourselves and you'll be completely reliant on our own survival which is looking more and more dubious with each passing year.
- Turns out life just fills niches. It cares not for the length of which it can do that.
- wait what?

Meanwhile humans spread those planets across the planet, cultivate it, and kill anything that tries to mess with it. Without us those plants would be living a sad little existence defeated by the next time a bug evolves slightly. Who played who?

Isn't this because they have anti-bacterial properties? So that you can preserve food and especially in hot climates you don't get food poisoning as easily?

Yup! I studied evolutionary psychology in college. Different seasonings helped make food safer to eat in hotter climates. My prof said “that's why if you leave a really salty piece of jerky under your bed, it's probably fine.”

Also explains why cultures up north typically didn't adapt a preference for spicy food as the cold allowed them to preserve food that way
- That doesn't really make much sense since salted and pickled foods are eaten up north. The more logical explanation is that spicy food doesn't grow up north.
Probably and was probably an accidental discovery. Someone noticed that spicy meat lasted longer.

What's the first plant?

Now I want a Bloody Mary.

What's that first one? Horse radish?

Looks like it is, definitely different enough from wasabi to not be wasabi (even though it's the same family of plant).
- Almost thought it was ginger but it's not gnarled enough. Or brown.

I thought that plants benefited from having their fruits eaten. As animals (like humans) defecate the seeds in different places, with enough manure to grow.

In the case of peppers, birds are immune to the effect of capsaicin. It strikes me as an evolutionary way of ensuring your seeds get spread as far as possible, by something that flies.

Could just be chance, though, I'm no expert.
- All of evolution is just chance, but it sure is interesting to see what random chance can do if given enough time
Depends on the plant. Some plants like to grow close together, they don't need an animal to distribute their seeds. Other plants like to spread out, and they benefit if birds eat and distribute the seeds, but not mammals.

Evolution is purely a results driven process, all that matters is can the organism create offspring that are capable of creating offspring.
- Some plants like to grow close together
  
  Or maybe they grow well close together because they evolved to do so because their seeds weren't being spread all that far away?
  
  Sorry couldn't help but nitpick there. But you're right, things don't evolve in any particular direction, it's all about just being above the bar of "not dying before producing offspring."

Nightshade: Sup

Tomatoes and eggplant are nightshades.