I'm 99% sure it's not real

I'm an engineer. I'm on my phone looking at memes until someone asks me a question, then I do a thing in 5 minutes that they expected to take 5 days because people don't understand computers, then I go back to the memes.

Sounds like tech support, not engineering
- I have been downvoted to hell for what I'm about to say, but I'm going to say it again anyway.
  IT support people are now called engineers. No, I don't like it. No it's not proper "engineering". Yes, language evolves and there's nothing we can do about it. If that's a problem for people, I recommend screaming into the void. It doesn't help, but you feel better after a while.
Quiet! You are giving the secret away.

As an engineer:

Receive or identify a problem.
Design a solution that solves or mitigated the problem.
Usually pay someone to make a prototype or do it ourselves
Test the prototype and see if it solves the problem. If no, go back to #2 until a workable solution is found
Get someone else to build the final thing.
Make sure thing works. Ship it.

This is a recursive and iterative process. Meaning you will find problems inside your solutions and need to fix them.

Eventually you finish the thing and get a new problem and do the whole game over again. It’s like a puzzle that requires absurd amounts of knowledge to play well, but anyone could try to solve the problem. That’s why good engineers are paid pretty well.

You lost me at “As an engineer:”
That's a pretty good run down. There's all sorts of soft skills required for that as well, and hard skills specific to the industry they're in, but I think you've got the essence of it. Also in step 6, add: "take responsibility for everything that will go wrong with thing in the future" aka "sign off".

Pretty sure they drive trains

No joke, my wife's grandpa was a mechanical engineer with a degree from Notre Dame, and he chose engineering apparently because as a 17yo, he thought he was going to learn to drive trains.
- The overlap between people who love trains and people who are good at engineering is pretty high though.
I am an engineer. I can't explain what I do, I just can't...

"The Engineering Method" by Mark Hammond aka the engineer guy is a great read...

...is what I would say if I actually purchased books from my wishlist.

Reading this gave me anxiety.

I put the data in excel and make colorful charts to show management that their ideas are possible but expensive. Then do the same to show the cost of not purchasing maintenance equipment is in fact more costly than the necessary equipment.

Then they dont purchase the equipment anyway, right? That's what tends to happen in my case.
- And then they point the finger six months later when the fan is covered in shite, am I right? An engineer is just an "I-fucken-told-you-so" generator. Sometimes.

They just do engineering things.

Source: am engineer.

Like a scientist but you get paid

science vs engineering

Whenever people ask me what engineering work is like, I always tell them I have no idea. I'm not an engineer; engineers drive trains, I'm just a poser.

(am computer hardware engineer)

Math using janky excel spreadsheets, tell drafters what we want drawings to look like, but mostly a lot of reading and writing. The secret to engineering (at least in my area) is that communication skills are just as important as technical understanding.

Yuuuup. Half the time you're the expert* in the room and when heads turn to you you have to push the imposter syndrome down and know your shit and convey it well enough that people will listen.
And having the good sense to know when to say "I need to look that up, let me get back to you".

8 hours meeting a day, mostly

I see you're a senior or principal engineer.

Half of the job is to fix issues with existing suff, the other half is to make working stuff more complicated and problematic (aka "upgrade"), so that we're still paid to do the first half.

they stand near an engine idk

I'm an engineer. Most of the time I solve the tricky technical problems. Other times I design some new technical thing, or I think of new ways to do something.

So wizardry, sorcery, technomancy, and witchcraft. That was all you had to say.
- That sums it up.
I fix others people’s problems using math and a bit of physics. I keep people from dying. As long as those two things hold true I get shelter, food, and other necessities.

As an engineer I can say it can be a "hurry up and wait" kind of job. Around the 20% mark of a project timeline I'm 80% finished but then have to rely on a non-responsive authority to answer me back over some obscure part of the project. After that I just nag them and the project manager about it in email to cover my ass then do fuck all until they respond. At the 95% mark they answer back and I have to hurry up to finish. It can be stressful at times but it's not bad otherwise.

All you need to know is that they keep the world functioning. They apply science and architecture to a human need and fix the problem.

Come on, it's right there in the name. We engine.

They're the ears for engines. Engines gotta be able to hear after all!

All I do as an engineer is piss and shit and fart

My Dad went to work one day and didn't come back. Guess he wasn't an engineer. All I knew was that he was a sonofabitch.

It's an elaborate money laundering scheme. Most "engineers" secretly cook meth and stuff. It's actually super easy to make like buildings and planes because God holds them up until He decides they should fall.

Shhhhh....

Most engineers don't know either bro

I started my engineering program at University not knowing what engineering was.

Thank goodness for that orientation session.

I'm half way through my second year and still not sure.
I missed it, now I just do memes.

Pretty sure they just draw complex pictures of bridges all day.

Always start with a free-body diagram

They keep the warp core functioning.

I interned at a mechanical engineering firm. We contracted out field workers to do the real work at construction sites, installing big hvac systems, while we coordinated between them and the general contractor. Much of engineering is about designing things using math and cad

Professional zero finders of derivatives of mathematical models built from duct tape, prayers, and Jimmy's observations from before he got cataracts.

I have this problem with "I work at a technical office". I.. I just don't understand

Engine go NEER!!! Buhr!

Eh yeah sorta