Honestly one of the main reasons I love lord of the rings so much is that it's full of healthy masculinity. There's these masculine, strong men who are so tender and loving with one another and so kind. I find it quite inspirational.

It's really refreshing to see.
It's also strange to read how even through all the social progress we've made over generations, men have gotten less affectionate with each other (I'm only speaking from an western/American perspective). Old books, history, and even older movies depict more physical affection than most men show each other today.

God I read "fucks" and almost got whiplash from recoiling so hard

I mean, it's the patriarchy. Men are conditioned to be the way they are. Things have gotten better over time, but there's still a pretty strong societal pressure for men to not show emotions.

I disagree. The Ancient Greeks and Romans were even more patriarchal than society has been in the past few hundred years and emotionality for men was the norm, not the exceptions. There's tons of writings about men weeping over the death of a companion.
- I'm not sure why you think that cultural norms in ancient societies have anything to do with current cultural norms.
There are places like Turkey and India where gender norms and masculine superiority are higher than any western nation, but men regularly embrace and kiss.
i do think it's better to just avoid the term patriarchy and refer directly to toxic masculinity though, otherwise it's very easy for people to just immediately roll their eyes and ignore what you say.
- As if it isn't easy with toxic masculinity. Even better, some get angry because they think it means masculinity itself is toxic and isn't just referring to toxic form or aspects of it

Boromir was dead. My homies aren’t.

I have an idea. It might be controversial but hear me out...
When you're done with your naked cuddle sesh, just say no homo after the gentle forehead kiss
- Don't forget the socks

DO I LOOK LIKE THE KING OF GONDOR TO YOU?!

Not with that attitude!

that is so gay

Honestly, I found it to be like a magic switch in my relationships. The second I express feelings, everything changes. Quite often they literally went "ew". I know, I might've dated the "wrong" people, but still.
- That's bullshit incel rhetoric.

No Sean Beans around for me to kiss tenderly on the head.

I, and most people if we're being honest, are not nearly as bad ass as Aragorn or Boromir and never will be. I think the guy who threw himself and a dwarf into a crowd of orcs, AND LIVED, isn't going to be made fun of for anything. You think someone would make fun of an MMA fighter to their face?

I can't get that close to boys faces without kissing their lips

The guy i'm tenderly trying to kiss on the head

You can express your feelings to other men. In my experience, it's women who will crucify you for it.