We All Know One of These Folk

We moved to Germany. Berlin is a kebab paradise and the people who run those counters rock. They'll chat with us and our poor German, fix up a great meal, and it's always tasty to eat.

- Für mich? Alles und sehr scharf!
  Fùr meine Ehefrau? Kein rotkohl und kein scharf, aber beiden gemüse und pommes, bitte.
- Und mit Käse, bitte!
- Alles er op en er aan alstublieft! - "Everything on and on top please!"
As a semi-middle eastern person who grew up with access to real Turkish cuisine, seeing German/European style döner makes cry. Not only they dare to put lettuce/cabbage in it at all, it's like 60% of the content. It took me years to find proper döner in Poland, but now I finally know 2 places.
- I have this but with Simit. Done Erasmus in Istanbul (a lifetime ago, before Erdogan), the Simit from the street vendors and small bakeries ... Ooof. Haven't found any that can even remotely compare since 😿

Calgary Shawarma. I don't know his name, but my grandfather was sick and I was stuck at work (working on a phone line repair at the auto shop next door.) Dead of winter, miserable cold. Then my mom calls: Grandpa died. Shawarma guy overheard this, I'm sitting in my van crying. Knock on my window. Guy hands me a Shawarma. "Boss, you should come in to my shop, have some food, get warm. No charge." He sat and listened to my grandpa stories until I had it together and could go back to finish my job.

Seriously, total stranger, and he was there for me on one of my worst days, and I'll never forget.

I was 20 years old absolutely broke, living in a rundown flat in Longsight, Manchester during the gang wars, when my funding for university got fucked up.
He saw me sitting at the bus stop outside his shop looking at few pence I had left in my hand while looking at the food. I had only eaten 1 meal that week and had shed 20lbs that month (I was slightly underweight to start with). Before then I had been there 3-4 times per week.
He came over gave me my normal order only twice the size and said to come back the next day for more. He kept me going for 2 months until I could get some financing straightened out.

Also: is still open after every other restaurant in town has closed for the night.

You havent been drunk until you have been 3am kebab drunk.
- Ha! Last time I went for kebab was because I worked too late on a project... But drunk kebab is definitely a thing!

This man exists in every town in the UK, and is the only reason the entire country hasn't collapsed already.

Same with the guy who runs the rundown phone shop and can fix your phone screen for £20 on the spot. Singlehandedly keeping the whole country running.
Beans on toast or döner? Which way Western Man?

This post is Euro-coded.

Because people only eat kebab in Europe?
- No, but I don't think you get what I'm saying and I'm not sure I could fully explain it.
- Because kebab shops are not ubiquitous in the US. As everyone knows there are only two places that exist, the US and Europe. That's simple geography.
- Real question : how popular are they in Australia?

I tried a German Doner Kebab since they seem to be a chain cropping up everywhere here in the UK. Awful. Terrible. Skimps on the meat. Salad tastes stale. Bread is some weird waffle mix.

Never again will I betray my local doner/durum man, for this new weak euro-corpo-bullshit

That is a local issue. I live in Berlin. It got expensive, but is still the best bang for the buck in fast food category.
- Wtf. You guys have that brand over there too? I just thought it was a thing to entice English rubes to something vaguely european sounding

My yyro and falafel guy has an amazing memory for people. He used to be a waiter in his uncle's Mediterranean restaurant before opening his own place after his uncle retired. People can come into his shop who ate at his uncle's place one time 15 years ago and he'll know their name, what they ordered, and if they liked it.

If you customize your order next time you order that item he'll be like "No onion on the Gyro and an extra pita with the hummus?" if you come in a year later.

And he's super, super friendly.

They don't have kebab places in the US (at least not nearly on the same level as they do in Europe). It's a national tragedy and is probably why things are going so poorly for us.

I mean... they definitely do in many areas. Often some of the best food around.
- Yeah, around me they usually use Greek labels, probably because of racism. But still owned and staffed by middle easterners. They'll have gyros with tzatziki, but also shawarma with tahini.
- Yeah we had a place in West Palm that was the absolute tits! Buckets of olives everywhere, and that pickled radish was just out of this world! I was really saddened to see they closed down last time I visited.
I think you're onto something here. I agree.

Omg. NYC is probably going to start to be completely over run by these guys when Zohran takes over! You probably won't even be able to get a hot dog or a pretzel. It will just be Doner every corner!

More good news.
What if we make him president? Can I too have Doner every corner?
We never got the "Taco Trucks on Every Corner", another failed Biden promise.

Adds extra meat with no surcharge (without you asking for it) when you ask for one without salad. Actual King

My guy makes me an all-salad donair sometimes. Works both ways, so awesome. Miss me with the falafel, I require vegetables!

I’ve got a guy like this who does rice and three curries. When I came back from working outside of the city centre for a couple of years he automatically made a plate of my favourite combo and said “where’ve you been?”, and It’ll be the same when I’m next back in England.

One time I went in with a Sikh mate and apparently the proprietor was being shitty to someone for being the wrong kind of Indian, but at least he seems to be ok with colonisers like me.

My favourite moment with Kebab boss man was watching him arguing with another customer about whether it's "Chips and cheese" or "cheesy chips", which culminated in boss man screaming "FUCK YOU, CHIPS AND CHEESE!".

Enjoy the interview with Hamid Ali, owner/operator of the Doner Kebab food truck on the No Dishes podcast.

From $100 in his pocket to a successful food truck business.

https://pca.st/episode/380835ef-2887-452f-b448-b6d82ef47a08

Korma Sutra in KC.

It’s run by an older couple. You get your food and then the woman will come over to check on you, tell you that you’re too skinny and you need to eat more, then get naan and out in on your table (free).

The man likes to goof around. He puts a balloon on each ear then walks around making jokes and chatting people up.

I first went there 5 years ago. Someone texted me the other day asking if I’d been and relayed their recent experience which was exactly like mine from 5 years ago.

I love them. Plus they named their restaurant Korma Sutra which is funny. It’s like going to visit your auntie and uncle.

Embarassed to say I didnt get the Korma Sutra joke for waay to long lol
- Don't be. I guarantee you're more interesting then some frat dude who makes that joke and giggles when he orders Korma.

Wait how do you have a picture of my gyro guy?

our gyro guy, comrade

I don't. Southeastern USA.

Pita Golden Pocket in Toronto. I moved away ten years ago but went back when I was in town visiting recently. The guy remembered me, he even shook my hand. Then he made me a shawarma wrap that weighed over a pound. Fantastic!

These guys are the best.

When you go in a place that hasn't been redecorated since the 80's, there's a mop bucket randomly in the middle of the floor, and "Wat I get you todaie, Bahddy?" You know you're going to eat good!

I live in the middle of nowhere in northern Ontario but I get to visit the big city of Toronto once in a while. In all those trips, about half the time, I end up meeting a nice Kebab guy. Those guys are great.

Hanwell Kebab

One of the guys who'll never give you up, never let you down.

I had to look up doner meat and was pleasantly surprised.

I initially read it as Donner meat. (It's an American thing. You don't want to know)

"Döner" (sometimes called döner kebab) is the name of a type of popular Turkish street food sold in Germany. (Like the taco in the USA.)
It's like a kebab sandwich. As far as I'm aware, it does not actually exist in the USA. But, this isn't the first time I've seen it mentioned in English.
- We've got it in Canada, and it's especially popular on the East Coast, like Halifax.
  But yeah, I'm in Ontario and I know there's a Donair place ten minutes from my house.
- There's gyros in the US.
- They might not have made it fly-over country yet, but almost everyone in any major city knows what a döner kebeb is.
  To know it is to love it.
- It's very common in England. Yummy, too, albeit not very good for the guts.
Refers to it's source..Donner ask, Donner tell.
Get the shish