PSA

Literally 1984

Yes that's how many I've gotten up there (lifetime, of course. I'm not a freak).

First they came for the spring rolls...

Then I came for the spring rolls
Actually, they first came for anal beads, chess scandal :3
- They also came for frozen potatoes
- You’re saying I should make anal beads from spring rolls?
  Way ahead of you.
And I said "Hey, I was stuffing those up my ass!! Get your own!"
And I stayed silent because I wasn't a spring roll

You need spring rolls with flared bases for that.

Nah, it's fine. It's digestible so you'll just pass it out the other end if you lose hold of it.

My spring rolls, my choice.

Why so strict? Let loose a little, give the choice to put juicy Asian rolls up you butt to someone else ...
- 💢**MY FUCKING SPRING ROLLS, MY FUCKING CHOICE, GODDAMMIT!**💢
  (Much amgery stomping noises _{fading off into the distance})
  [DOOR SLAMS VIOLENTLY, KNOCKING SEVERAL DECORATIVE DISHES FROM THEIR DISPLAY STANDS. END OF SCENE.]

Fuck you I won't do what you tell me.

Fuckin Big Pharma, at it again

Forbidden suppository

Too late, please advise.

- mmm i need lumpia

Lest I checked, this was a free country

I mean... I'm trying to be snarky, but I'm finding it hard to argue that it's bad advice.

Other people in the restaurant?
Me asking the delivery person to "feed" them to me?
One too many springs in my bum causes me to bounce?
Only thing I can think of is a deep fried spring roll can be pretty sharp at the edges and can tear the delicate skin there.

Patients are warning doctors to mind their own business

Are egg rolls still fair game though?

DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO SCIENCE MAN.

Good to know, I was sitting on the fence about this. Funny enough, the doctor said I shouldn't be boofing fenceposts either, but I'll wait until there's a consensus on that, I think.

What about egg rolls?

That's okay
- Frozen? Or no?
Well how else are men supposed to get pregnant? Gotta have an egg to get fertilized.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your elbow.

No, wait, that's ears.

The only thing you should put in your anus is your ear.

No, no, that's still not right.

The only think you should put in your anus is something with a flared base.*

*If you're worrying about whether your boyfriend's penis has a flared base and you can't find a tape measure, recall that most penises are not readily detachable, and most boyfriends have hips wider than their penis, so you're in the clear.

If you're worried that this advice doesn't apply simply because you don't have a boyfriend, there's an app for that.

i thought it was that the only thing you should put in your ear was your anus so you could hear the brass section
edit: also get pink ear, can't forget about that

With a pic of the perfect girth of spring rolls lmao

(Also 69th comment 🤙)

Health and safety gone mad

Where else am I supposed to store them?

Somebody else's buthole,

I can do whatever I want >:(

Can I put anal beads during chess tournament?

Only allowed now if the other end is in your opponent.

Sellouts.

MAHA says veggies are important.

I'm a bit upset people would do that with such good food.

AI or Stupid humans?

About 10 years ago, I went out at the beginning of the summer to buy a few fresh pool noodles, and couldn't find them anywhere. It was that way all summer.

The next summer, they were everywhere, but now they all had a tag or sticker attached, saying "Do not insert in rectum."

So there were no pool noodles for an entire summer, because some guy saw one, and couldn't resist the compulsion to stick it up his ass.

Worse, he sued and was rewarded some form of compensation because some judge agreed that it is not obvious that pool noodles shouldn't stuck up an ass.
- Honestly, what right-thinking, red-blooded man doesn't look at a pool noodle and go "You know what?"

Awww, puts them back in the fridge

Hmmmm, leftovers!

How about don't put anything in your anus unless it was specifically designed to go there

Where's the fun in that?
designed by who? some god? a scientist? the hillfolk committee for ethics and morality to buttholes and butthole alternatives?

You're not my real dad, DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!

Thanks to the new administration the Fierce Agents of Rectum Tenderisation (formerly Ass Secret Service), an untrained elite force of volunteers, can now inspect the depths of your rectum without a warrant or notice.

They try to be a pain in your ass to keep the country safe!
\ You sure can't plug them away!

(Not to be confused with Butt Patrol Agents)

There go my weekend plans

What about lumpia? Asking for a friend

those are to work your way up to spring rolls which are to work your way up to egg rolls, according to my kinky laotian friend

Well obviously not frozen. And also not straight out of the fryer. But left to cool down, after cooking. Why not?

What, do you think I'm going to put that in my MOUTH???!!

eventually yeah. that's called general tzo's dickin

Do they expect Assy McGee to starve??

What if I cook them in the air fryer instead of in oil and let them cool down first? When I talked to my doctor, he seemed to indicate it was a good compromise as long as I stick with organic ingredients.

Just .... just don't double dip

Welp, there go my weekend plans

Too fucking late Doc, I’m farting essence of fried cabbage and cat meat until Thanksgiving’s giving.