Finish the story, chat.

It is imperative that the cylinder not be harmed.

... the cylinder knows where it is, because it knows where it isn't: where it was, and where it likely will be.
It's a cylinder

takes to Reddit

Help! Something sensitive is stuck in a cylinder and I need to get it out...

You should only ever use penguins with a flared base

Accelerate the penguin to 99% the speed of light

Assume no air resistance

I always compared pinguins with a Klein Bottle

...

In conclusion, the physical properties of penguins constitute a suboptimal replacement for graphite moderation of neutron propogation in a nuclear reactor.

Further, tested penguins were largely non responsive to all different training approaches attempting to have them associate the verbal command "Scram!" with the desired behavior of promptly entering the reactor pool.

Sorry but even after doing that it is still clear we need more tariffs on the penguins whether we assume they are cylinders or not.

Not sure if it's popular internationally, but in Russian, "a calculation for a spherical horse in vacuum" is used quite often

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spherical_cow
Spherical cows is the one I always hear.
What does it mean?
- It's when you make some calculations or plans, but they would only work in "perfect" conditions. Like when you have an assignment about a horse running from A to B, and you made some calculations, but you disregard horse's shape, friction, air resistance, and gravity

... how many linux users got mad?

Enough to create at least 5 different distros

Therefore the density of penguin flesh on a flat glacier surface can be estimated to be 3pi/4 l x w x h where length and width are the area of the penguins, and h is the average height of the penguin.

It is not a square cylinder.

A triangular cylinder is right out.

Square cylinders are just cubes. Triangle cylinders are triangular prisms.
I don't see the problem, really. What other shape would a penguin come in?
- What other shape would a penguin come in?
  They're typically roughly cuboid, though best approximated with rounded corners, and wrapped in a layer of plastic.
  I might need a snack.
- What other shape would a penguin come in?
  An oloid, the only shape nature has ever intending them to be in.
But what shall I do once a circular cylinder has been assumed? A cylinder whose cross section takes the shape of a circle?

...of bird like material which can be represented by a mass average of bone and flesh. This can be used in bird strike simulations for studying aircraft windshield performance as compared to thawed penguins shot out of a pneumatic canon. (I actually went to a talk that discussed exactly this except you replace "penguin" with "bird" in general).

As opposed to a rectangular cylinder

Now assume pi is 4. Proceed to have a nervous breakdown.

20 points.

The only thing missing is a period.

(...) of uniform density in a neutral vacuum.

My guess is that this is to do with penguin huddling and circle packing

Ok, but let me see the the source code of the cylinder.

...In a vacuum.

On a frictionless plane?

From the patent for pneumatic tubes delivery systems