No matter how hard I try, I just can't make my family understand I can't afford their lifestyle when I visit
No matter how hard I try, I just can't make my family understand I can't afford their lifestyle when I visit
I live in a poorer country where I live with less than 10k a year. It's low but since my country is generally less expensive I can live (and vacation) there with some comfort as long as I don't go crazy. I'm a frugal person so I don't miss out on anything.
My sister and brother-in-law went to live in Europe and they are doing very well. Together they easily make 200k. I'm happy for them.
The problem starts when I visit. The country they live in is far more expensive than mine. It isn't always a problem since I don't have to pay for accommodation and cooking at home is sustainable. The problem is they always want to eat out and do expensive activities (for my standards). And they always leave out the price until it's time to pay since the price is meaningless for them. At first they would chip in until my brother-in-law started pulling "it's your turn to pay now". Imagine being given a dinner tab that is almost as much as your monthly paycheck.
Visiting has become stressing as hell, when I should be relaxing. I tried to talk about it, that eating at home would be more affordable for me, but they quickly go back to old habits. At this point I just decided it's not worth it to visit anymore and blow my year savings in a few days. They're not happy and, as much as I try, I can't make them understand how much money I make. They can't understand you can't buy 100 euro meals everyday when you earn less than a 200 a week.
It's also not much better when they visit our country but at least I know what prices to expect and since I'm home I can find an excuse to ditch them.
Maybe we have just grown appart and that's that.
Just gonna point out the obvious - your sister and brother in law are incredibly inconsiderate.
They are inconsiderate yes. If I want to do something with friends/family who cannot afford it, I either pay for them or do something different that’s within their price range.
Lol, wtf is this comment? If my family were visiting me, my intention is to be enjoying time with them, not worrying about the "reduced list of activities". I'd do whatever even if they were absolutely penniless.
So yes, they're inconsiderate. And so are you.
Sure, I hang out with broke ass bums quite often, I like people for who they are - Not how much they make or inherited.
We go for walks, go to free museums, visits historical sites and so on. Once in a while we just sit and talk.
If we go to a cafe and they're low on funds, we'll either order something we both can afford or I offer to treat them.
I'm happy to share of my fortune as long as I don't feel I'm being exploited. Every so often, when I'm extra fortunate I treat a dear friend in a perpetual unfortunate situation to a free vacation.
Feels good man
My best friend was broke and basically homeless for years. I paid his way when we did things because he was my friend and I wanted to spend time with him.
If money is a barrier to the activity I want to do with friends, I either chip in, pay outright, or find something else.
Yes, they’re.
Yeah and I have many times. I live in Europe and when I visit my father’s country (an Arabian country), I meet people who are poor. I talk to them normally, have fun with them normally and just chill. Sure we don’t go to the ‘more luxury’ places but that isn’t needed to have fun.
And I mean, the person was very poor. As in when getting something to drink and you get these plastic cups, he saves them for his home.
But I can tell you, he’s more fun to be around than the ‘more wealthy’ people. He’s generous as well, willing to give his last bit of tea or food etc.
I absolutely pay for family visitors who can't afford the cost of visiting me. They are family and took the time to visit - it's the least I can do.
Yeah thats inconsiderate as hell. I even do this shit with friends. If i invite someone out to get food and they say something like, "nah man i already went out twice this week. Maybe another time." I offer to pay because i want to spend time with them doing something we enjoy. Hell ive even bought video games for friends because weve bonding playing 1 game before, and id like them to be a part of the next game/dlc.
I wouldn't let my brother be broke and homeless.
If me and my so made 200k while my brother was living on 10k, I'd probably find a way to at least send him an other 10k.
Complete lack of empathy.
Yeah, and I regularly do. I have a friend who I'd say has a similar income disparity, and unfortunately has had issues with being unhoused in the past.
You can still do stuff, you just pay for the friend if you're inviting them out. I understand if you're also broke, but that's not what we're talking about.
OP makes it pretty clear that they could afford to pay for them but choose not to. If you say "Well maybe they're not actually that wealthy" then fine, they should pick somewhere less expensive that they can cover.
If my brother was broke and homeless I wouldn't ask him to pay for an expensive dinner.
If my mother came to visit me I wouldn't take her to a titty bar because she's not really into that.
It doesn't take much effort to consider the needs of others.
If my brother came to visit me, and I knew he's not very well off, he'd never never ever pay a single penny for anything and I'd do my very best to make sure he had a great holiday. These people are just entitled and inconsiderate and so are you.
would i wanna do expensive activities with them? I would pay if i did and probably not do them as often. Would I invite them to activities that dont require paying out the ass? Yes.
Yes. Expecting people to go out, your way, for activities only you enjoy, is selfish and entitled.
Entitled in that it is like asking that person to Venmo you directly to pay for your chosen activity.
I could spend $30 on one meal. Or. I could eat for a week on $30. Expecting the first option for the sake of your solo personal enjoyment isn’t cool. If that’s what you like to do, that’s great. But expecting other people to overpay for food, so you can have fun, leaving them out food the rest of the week, not ok.
These guys are mad about him not visiting. And yet.
They clearly want to hang, but they also want him to pay for their expensive activities.
Wtf, yes, theres plenty to do with people that cost nothing and spending money is not why i spend time with people. Im not going to shun someone, stranger or not, because theyre not able to afford the same luxuries.