The Onion @midwest.social ZeroCool @slrpnk.net 5d ago

Boys Inspired to See That Someday They Can Grow Up to Be the Most Powerful Sexual Predator in America

reductress.com Boys Inspired to See That Someday They Can Grow Up to Be the Most Powerful Sexual Predator in America

In a heartwarming story that will certainly have consequences for decades to come, little boys everywhere felt their hearts soar on Tuesday as American voters elected Donald Trump, showing the young ones that they, too, could someday grow up to be the most powerful sexual predator in America.

76 comments

Honey, the preschool called... Dylan grabbed his first pussy! Anyway we have to find a new preschool. Fucking libs!
- He's now in the Donald Trump school for gifted children
  
  He's now in the Donald Trump school for ~~gifted~~ grifter children.
  
  FTFY
  
  Now he’s the one getting grabbed
I thought of a few fantastic Onion headlines and was tempted to write them but they all made me deeply sad.
- Oh come on now! You can’t say that without sharing. We want to be deeply sad too!
  
  "In the wake of the Trump victory millions of Americans relieved to find out their white neighbours consider them 'One of the good ones'"
  
  "Deodorant shelves empty as many LGBTQI+ "Allys" realise that they might actually have to prove it"
Dude.....
- Yeah, Reductress is a feminist spin on The Onion and they are not pulling punches.
  
  A lot of Boy moms out there found this similarly reassuring. “My son sucks, and I was worried his inherently entitled personality and lack of boundaries would really hurt his life trajectory,” said Tyler’s mom, Jeanne McArthur. “Nice to know nothing can hold him back!”
  
  They came after Boy moms and killed it. I'm in love with them now.
  
  I'm a dude but holy crap Reductress is hilarious. Bookmarked.
  
  They sat on their hands for 108 days, and now they're coming out swinging.
Can we just admit men are inherently bad? I hate trump, but I feel like maybe I only think I do but in reality, deep down, I am a fascist
- Yeaaaah, not a good idea to completely ostracize any group of people over things they couldn't choose. Especially not one that comprises roughly half of all people.
  
  Pedos and sociopaths don't chooses to be those things. But we can agree they are bad for society
- You're not a fascist! Even if you are, you can help fight against fascism. But the fact that you are here and calling out fascism, I believe you can break the cycle.
  
  Every attempt gets me depressed and not wanting to live anymore
Nah, I see it this way: if this idiot can be president twice, YOU can do anything!
- Step 1: inherit $400m
- ☑ Got lemons
  ☑ Made lemonade
- *as long as the Israel overlord allows it
And the mods on Lemmy are helping them
- Enabling a genocide had absolutely nothing to do with it. Putting that aside for a moment, do you honestly think Lemmy has the ability to cost Democrats 10 million votes? Maybe there's a reason Harris didn't win a single delegate that last time voters had a say.
  
  We are in a global social media war and the moderators are curating content that is helping fascists.
  
  I never said Lemmy did that alone.
  
  Russia stole the election and I have sources and a write up if you want it.
Its great, I, personally, am teaching my girls to check other's allegiances and ideologies before they get to know them. If they even lean conservative I've told them its acceptable to clock them in the jaw. Dont associate with conservatives, dont allow them to reproduce, dont give them the comfort of social human connections that everyone needs.
- That sounds like a horrible idea that will endanger your daughters. Do you know how men will react to being punched in the jaw?
  
  Boys, they aren't in college or the street. They're in school.
- Well that just sounds every bit as batshit insane as the far right. Basically giving them justification in their minds for being so cruel to women.
  
  "This one bitch just punched me, for like.....no reason. I just said I voted for trump, and then BAM! Shit! She punched me!"
  
  "What did you do then?"
  
  "Oh, a bunch of my boys saw. We held her down and beat her mercilessly. That'll teach her!"
  
  "Nice."
  
  And they'll feel justified. All you're doing is teaching your daughters how to encourage physical violence, which I promise you, will not wofk out well for them.
  
  Teach them to distance themselves from conservatives, teach them their beliefs, and how they view women. Teach them how a conservative will treat them in the long run.
  
  But don't teach them to physically attack someone stronger than them, unprovoked, against someone who would take pleasure in returning the violence tenfold.
  
  Nah, if people wanna go around saying "your body my choice" dont talk to the conservatives I dont give a shit. Ya'll do what you want but me and mine aren't associating with the side who wants women to be objects.
  
  And what if there were a dinosaur in that lake?
I doubt Trump is even the top ten most powerful sexual predator just in New York.
- But I bet he knows all of them
  
  Oh without a doubt
Oh, they mean the rapist in chief.
- It think they meant Jeffrey Epstein ( the most notorious pédophilie of the century ) closest friend.
I wish this were Onion material instead of fact :(
White* boys
- Oh, someone didn't see the Latino voting numbers
okay so let's just do crazy stuff for the boys
Representation matters!!

(Jezus, reductress!)

76 comments