The pawns have revolted and formed an anarchist commune. What should I do in this position? (I'm white)

Idk anything about chess strategy but I don’t see why saying your race is relevant to this

"What should I do (I'm white)" Literally shut up, nobody asked which race you are, in my eyes it's irrelevant. The fact that race influences chess so much is a symptom of inherent systemic racism in the world.
- I totally agree even though I'm white myself

Google Paris in 1789

Holy Révolution!
- Literal accent aigu

Pay some pawns money or other incentives to stay in place and not move forward. Then you can easily take care of the smaller portion of pawns that do get ahead. Plus you also sow discord among the pawns and divide them between sellouts and otherwise

Help! Help! I'm being repressed!
(have we replaced r/unexpectedmontypython yet?)

Ignore their reasonable critiques of your recent royal decisions and instead insist that you aren't backing down, even if the pawns are setting the chess board on fire and leaving the game. Start praising other kings to make yourself look good b by association.

I accused them of blackmail, called them 'noise' and 'landed gentry' and most of them came back. Thanks for the suggestion!

Hi Spez, my advice is to hold off for a while on that IPO.

Ok, but I like money. Sorry, I meant I like money. Sorry, I meant I like money. Sorry, I meant I like money.
- Saved your comment, pure gold.

-Promote bishop to king

-Send him to pawns

-Say that everything is his fault

Import white pawns across from the other tables, arm them with shields and force move black pawns out on the north side.

Now the new ~~slaves~~ pawns are also revolting, what now?
- offer some pawns a position of priveledge in return for enforcing your hegemony by inflicting violence on other pawns.

google horde chess

Holy shit that's actually a thing. Wait no uhh I mean uhh Holy chess variant
- Actual zombie horde.
It's so difficult

Just hire some "counter-intelligence" chess-pieces to destroy their movement from the inside!

I hired some guy but he seems to be organising the revolution into a unified communist state and industrialising instead?
- Holy Marxism!

Tell them the pawns on row 8 are the cause of all their problems.

Defederate from those lunatics.

Google no pasaran

I genuinely wonder if it's winnable for white.

Edit: I just found the existence of the "Horde Variant", which seems kind of worse? See https://lichess.org/variant/horde

I'm pretty sure the only victory condition in chess is to have the opponent's king checked, so I don't think white can win, unless black surrenders
- If they have no king , you must kill all their pieces