That's because your client is caching it.

We're updated as of now!

Yeah, future federation is absolutely a possibly.

Your statement seems to imply you think i disagree with you

You do. You are suggesting that trans people should offer to exclude themselves and give up our rights, because demanding equality is too much.

I am expressing concern about how other peoples actions will cause more negative pushback

Giving up some of our rights, rights that everyone else has, to appease the folk who enjoy those rights, when we are the ones more at risk of violence, and exclusion is not a viable middle ground like you seem to be implying it is.

Your framing of that as "all or nothing" means I very much disagree with you. You may think trans folk deserve rights and dignity, but you don't believe trans people deserve the same rights as cis people

I'm Australian. I say something closer to "buh", but I introduce vibrato to the sound down near my vocal cords, rather than by trilling the R in my mouth

The person who posted that has been banned from this instance, because they were a transphobic troll. Notice how they didn't come in trying to talk to you or offer any empathy to your side? They just came out you aggressively, and framing you as awful and bad? That's because their goal wasn't to help you, it was to hurt you. That's why they were banned.

And honestly, you have the right approach here. This is all new, and you're navigating a complex situation. This isn't about getting on to HRT, or giving yourself timelines and deadlines. This is about navigating a situation that helps you get to the point where you need to be, whilst considering your families needs as you do.

If it's ever about repressing your own needs completely, or hiding the truth of who you are from your family, you've got the balance wrong. If you are doing things without considering your family at all, you've got the balance wrong. The balance is doing things that take you closer to where you need to be, and bringing your family along with you as you do. And sometimes that means going slowly. And sometimes it doesn't. That's the part only you and they can know.

And for what it's worth, I transitioned at 41, with an 11 year old. I was told lots of scary stories. Even my mother, who is otherwise super accepting, worried about the "lack of a father figure" and whether they would be teased or harassed at school. But I was always angry. I was living on top of this simmering anger that just impacted everything. And that anger came from repression. The truth was, if I didn't address that, I wasn't going to have a relationship with my kid, because my repression was going to fuck it up with 100% certainty.

Since coming out, my kiddo has come out as gay and then as gender diverse themselves. They were teased at school, but not about me, but they also became the leader of the schools LGBT group, and formed many lasting friendships. They're turning 20 in a couple of weeks time, and I have a relationship with them that wouldn't have been possible if I'd have remained closed off and angry.

I know this is a lot, but in general, cis people talking about this, without direct experience, rarely know what they're talking about, because all they have to go in are the stories they encountered growing up in a transphobic society. That includes your wife and the rest of your family! The difference between your wife and family and everyone else, is that you can be part of the process of changing their perspectives, because you can show them just what difference it makes when you can get repressing out of your life, and live honestly.

Take it as slowly as you need, and get all the help you can on the way! And whatever you do, make sure you're doing it honestly and authentically!

Also, based on some messages I got from users

No, it's not.

Let me ask you a question. Is teaching a kid to repress and hide who they are for the sake of other people something you want to teach them? Especially if they're queer themselves? 'cause that's what hiding yourself teaches them.

You're not a lbz user. The user you're replying to is. This impacts her, not you.

"I think people should have respect" isn't something you can say when the thing that follows is a list of arguments to exclude those very same people.

Even your framing highlights why trans folk are so frustrated. You talk about women's safety, as if trans women aren't part of that discussion, and on top of that, you completely brush over the fact that trans women are even more likely to be victims of violence and sexual assault than cis women.

And your response is that trans folk should just be OK with that, they should just compromise by accepting that their needs are viewed as less important than the needs of cis folk, and just silently accept exclusion.

The truth is, rights are won through social push back and confrontation. They are fought for, because they don't just get handed over otherwise. Especially when there is political capital in exclusion.

I'm also going to highlight that despite engaging with you in good faith, you almost certainly haven't become more accepting, and in fact have most likely become more entrenched in your position as you consider comebacks to my points.

That's why

I want the community to have a choice. Federation lets people have that choice.

Not quite. I grew up with a lot of racism that took time to undo and is still ongoing.

But that didn't impact my kiddo directly as they're not targetted by racism.

However, I found out that I'm adhd due to my kid being diagnosed, and I was out as queer before them. So we have intersections in common that we've both been working through at the same time.

Literally no one thinks cis women and trans women are the same, so your compromise doesn't mean anything in and of itself.

I'm asking you what your position means in real world terms. What are the consequences of these differences? Because that's what really matters.

Feigned outrage because I asked you for specifics seems counter to your stated goals of reaching compromise and makes me question your motives.

It's a transphobic dog whistle. Popularised by UK transphobes. The implication is that trans women aren't women, and when you see it used, that's what they're really saying.

FYI, I won't be able to see any responses to this comment chain from feddit.uk users or admins unless I manually watch it off instance. I'll try and do so, but I won't see pings etc.

In any case, to address Emperor's comment, to avoid defederation and give the feddit.uk time to work it out, all it would have taken was a single response to my messages stating that it's being discussed by the admin team. Instead, despite twice highlighting that this is an issue important enough to defederate over, I got radio silence, whilst Emperor continued to post elsewhere. Even if it were not the intent, it came across as a deliberate choice to ignore my messages.

Federation will be re-enabled if they ultimately address the issue.

No. I won't start a brigade against a specific user, even a transphobic one. And ultimately, the defederation is due to the feddit.uk admins approach to transphobia rather than the specifics of the posts.

That didn't answer the question you replied to, and didn't actually say anything. What does that all look like in real world terms in your mind? How does this "compromise" manifest? I'm guessing that it involves putting trans folk in harms way...

i love Cachy! The performance tweaks are nice, but what I really like is the Cachy repositories and how quickly they're updated, and how useful they are!

They bring death to your garden! They love digging up mulch, leaf litter, bark chips, exposed soil!

The opposite happened to me when I transitioned. When I was perceived as a guy, if I was in a meeting, people didn't instantly fall silent if I spoke, but if they tried to overtalk me and I just kept speaking, they would eventually give way. I transitioned 8 years ago, and from the earliest days of my transition until now, if someone starts overtalking me, they will just keep doing it even if I don't stop talking. The only way to stop them is to vocally call them out and ask them to be quiet until I'm finished.

Similarly, I used to be seen as one of the two "tech guys". The person that people would come up to and ask for tech advice to avoid calling the internal helpdesk. After I transitioned, they started coming up to me and asking me where the other tech guy is.

My career has stalled since I came out. I'm in a trans inclusive country, in a trans inclusive workplace, and I transitioned so long ago, that most people don't know that I'm trans or simply forget. But since coming out, the various shoulder taps in to project opportunities and the like just don't happen anymore.

Maybe people went silent because they were fascinated by or fixated on the unusual timbre of the OP’s transitioned vocal cords.

It's a nice theory, but it's somewhat strange how my own experience as a trans person transitioning from male to female had the opposite impact. Did people start overtalking me because they were fascinated by my timbre?

Additionally, OP was in the same department for years and then transitioned. So, naturally people would approach a more experienced person for help or advice regardless of perceived sex if they knew that person was there longer than them.

Again, it's a nice theory, but in my case, they stopped approaching me. And even the ones who don't know that I'm trans don't approach me that way, because I'm not seen as one of the "tech folk" anymore, despite not losing my experience when I transitioned.

but OP seems to be using the worst possible anecdotes

Similarly, you are using the least likely possibilities that contradict the first hand experience of folk directly in these scenarios to fit your pre-conceived notion of what is happening.

Yeah, the OPs post and mine are anecdotal, so you shouldn't take either of our experiences as universal truths. But your takes aren't even anecdotal. They're suppositions.

It's down to the way they are formed. Basically, once gravity starts winning in the internal forces within a star, it collapses on itself. At that point, it's made up of protons, neutrons and electrons, like most visible matter. However, if the star is large enough, the force from the gravity compresses the atoms so much that the protons and electrons get forced together. And the tl;dr version is that when this happens, their charge cancels out, and you get more neutrons.