How do I stop sleeping through everything?

Go to a doctor, get a sleep study done.

no go to the water park and get a waterslide study done

See a doctor and ask for a sleep study. You might have sleep apnea, or some other condition.

You're lucky! I can't even sleep through my own damn thoughts

A few things:

Prepare for sleep sooner, with dim light and a quiet place, and no screens.
drink a bunch of water
don’t set an alarm, but tell yourself when you want to wake up.

It might not work the first time, but after a few attempts it will. Oh, and no food or stimulants within 3 hours of your bedtime.

Sleep until you wake up. See how many hours you need. Then adjust your schedule until you are getting enough sleep. And pay attention to the number of hours - for me 7 can be more refreshing than 8! You may need 9, you want to be waking up at the right point in your sleep cycle, not while you are so very asleep.

I sleep pretty heavy, but when it's time to get up I can. Do not go back to sleep, get up when you wake up. But really, try sleeping until you wake up.

Putting your lights on a timer may work better than an alarm, more gentle so you have time to come to awakeness more naturally.

I started sleeping in the weekends as much as I wanted and improved my life a lot. Idk why but saturday for example I sleep until 2pm, wake up, have a meal, sleep again form 4 to 6pm, wake up, do something, midnight I go to sleep again until sunday about noon. It's too much BUT I do start the week so much more alert! It improved my work life and my energy. Do I know why? No. Do I think It's too much sleep? Yes But it works

A watch that vibrates might help.

Agreed. I keep my alarm on silent because the vibrations from my smartwatch do a much better job at waking me up than the sound from my phone or an alarm clock does. The sleep tracking features could also help provide some insights as to why OP is having issues to begin with.

Maybe some deficiency? Get it checked out.

Do you routinely go to bed in time? Is your sleep environment right?

Do you suffer from depression or another disorder? Get help, if you can.

Possibly try to wake up according to your natural sleep cycle.

Are you on medication that could cause issues?

So many possibilities. A professional might be able to help best.

I tried all sorts of loud alarms, moving my alarm on top of a book shelf. Nothing worked, except an alarm that required some mental load. Found an app which let me set a challenge, solve some math sort numbers, that solved it for me. I am sure there are many options so feel free to pick what you like, but I use the app "I can't wake up" on Android. Started with the free version for years but paid for it a couple of years ago as it has helped me so much.

Here's a free online course about best practices for getting quality rest. Geared toward aviation but has practical content. https://www.faasafety.gov/gslac/ALC/CourseLanding.aspx?cID=174

And if you're already doing the basics, go get checked out.

Kind of an excessive option. Join the military. They will train you to wake up to anything. Someone walks near me and I’ll wake up.

Having worked with the military, the opposite is also true; you'll learn how to sleep literally anywhere (including while standing upright)
- lol so true
Yes, with the world literally on the precipice of war, join the military to solve your sleep issues.
- Being a little facetious: solve your sleep problems, get a solid job, and learn how to sit around and do nothing for hours on end while waiting for something to happen. Plus, if you take a rear echelon job, it basically is an office job at that point. Just with a lot more rules. (/s for those that need it)

Things that have helped me include:

an alarm across the room that I have to get up to turn off.
a light that turns on before that alarm
an alarm app on my phone that can only be turned off by solving puzzles.
having an engaging activity that I want to do ready for me and fit into my schedule
getting up a little earlier so I have time to make a decent breakfast instead of grabbing some trash or just not eating.
a TV set to turn itself on and set to a channel that shows stuff you can't easily get used to (the history channel used to show random documentaries in the morning, no idea what it's like now)
strict discipline about never sleeping in even when I can.
avoiding spending time in my bedroom when I'm not trying to sleep.
setting a reminder to start getting ready for bed
popping melatonin when that reminder goes off if I'm not already tired.
drink water before drinking caffeine.
stop caffeine at least 6 hours before bedtime.
prescription medication in the morning. Not enough to replace all the other stuff, but definitely something that makes a huge difference with my sleeping disorder.

Less weed? If not that, you're probably staying up too late at night. Go to bed earlier than you have been. Get off the screens at least an hour before you want to to go sleep.

Have you tried getting a louder alarm clock?

Like plug your phone to a powerful speaker system that reaches 100dB. That should wake everyone.

Doesn't have to be expensive or HiFi, just loud.

May not be an option if you have neighbours tho.

Also, I've noticed that I can sleep through music and vaccum cleaner just fine, but I find certain sounds like TV speaking stressful, so maybe try finding an "annoying" sound.

Always fall asleep and get up at the same time every single day—even on your days off—and eventually your body will start waking up on time on its own without fail. Takes a couple of months of consistency, but once you're in the habit, you practically won't need an alarm clock anymore.

Of course this only works if you have a job where your hours are consistent. If that's not the case, I feel for you.

Also consider a smartwatch (or even just a normal watch with a vibration motor). I find that the vibrations of the watch wake me up better than sound does for some reason. Try it for yourself and see if it help. Also, the sleep tracking features of a smartwatch could help provide some insight as to why you're having an issue to begin with (along with a sleep study, as previously mentioned).

I wish I had your superpower lol

I mean, I do take a sleeping pill

I forgot to mention one thing... I take sleeping pills.

You need to check in with your doctor. A prescription drug did the exact same to me a few years ago.
- i second this, my first ADHD medicine made me sleep through anything
Switch to cannabis. Any strain high in in mycrene will knock you out cold without causing issues with waking up. MFused's Super Fog is a good product line for something discreet with a full spectrum high. Or Micro Bar if you want want to sleep well and remain stealthy but prefer your weed to taste like candy.
Alternatively, you could go all out, invest in a dab rig and start buying wax/shatter/crumble/batter. Or if stinking up the neighborhood isn't a concern, you could just buy buds and roll up some joints the good old fashioned way.
I suppose your available options all depend on where you live, but cannabis for sleep is something to seriously consider. The only downside is that it reduces REM sleep, but given that you're already having sleep issues, not remembering most dreams and feeling slightly tired in the morning might be a reasonable tradeoff for you.

Lots of great reccomendations here, highly reccomend looking into a sleep study or rework schedule like other folks are reccomending. Aside from that keeping a regimented schedule is always helpful, especially with reducing screen and bright light use near periods of rest.

Besides physiological stuff, reducing stress helps, learning what helps you personally sleep and wake up better and integrating that into you habits can help tons. I've found being able to even spend a short few minutes to properly reflect on the day can help change my mindset makes a difference.

In addition to a sleep study, talk to your doctor about POTS.

Same here. One solution is - sleep sooner. Force yourself to sleep an hour sooner than you regularly do. Also, tell yourself before you sleep that you’ll wake up at the same time you usually get up. Say it out loud, not just mentally.

Once you do these, your mind will be alert to wake up sooner and will actually try to wake you up whenever there is a disturbance. Also, the added hour of sleep will help you long term.

There may be loads of extenuating circumstances- kids, work pressure, your spouse wanting to spend time with you. Make a deal with them. Say you’ll pick up extra work around the house or spend more time with the kids or for work. Whatever it takes. In a few months time, you won’t need the extra sleep. But your mind will be more alert.

Hope this works for you. It did for me for the time I did it. Then I slipped and I again can’t wake up no matter what. I do wake up if someone calls me when I sleep sooner though. So that’s nice to retain.

Whilst I sympathise and wish I had any idea, I am so jealous... I would commit murder for a full night's kip

It may be that you're tuning out sound, but there are alarms for the deaf. You might look into bed-shaking alarms? You put a puck on the bed and it vibrates the whole thing until you turn off the alarm (in an app or on the box elsewhere).

I do this even after cutting caffeine almost completely.

Got better after I got an Apple watch as I was able to see exactly how long I was sleeping for. Used that information to change when I went to bed. Will still sleep through a apocalypse, but at least I don’t usually oversleep anymore.