Ultra-processed foods are bad for men’s health, including sperm

Even sperm is ultra-processed these days? Ugh

microplastics everywhere
Only if you buy it in a shop. Homemade sperm, fresh from the tap is much healthier.

First, I appreciate the science and understand that the headline and article are produced by a different group than the authors of the paper. I don't doubt the outcomes of the paper. However, what was surprising to me was the chosen meals themselves the study used for "unprocessed" and "ultra processed" meals given to the participants. While there are a number of items included that feel included as an exaggeration (mixed candies introduced to nearly every "ultra processed" meal and chocolate milk in many meals) there were many dishes in the "ultra processed" category that I think most people would consider health choices and not be considered ultra processed.

If you read the actual linked paper (not just the article), it has a supplemental attachment listing and showing the meals of both "processed" and "ultra processed". Here's the PDF of the meals: PDF file

Jeez, you weren't kidding. The processed meals also seemingly include some kind of (likely sugary) drink. But they did control for overall caloric intake:
In the present study, we conducted a dual-arm 2 × 2 crossover-designed dietary intervention to compare the effects of an ultra-processed to an unprocessed diet, wherein participants were randomized to receive both diets at either calorically adequate or excess loads. Diets were provided for 3 weeks, and dietary makeup included an average of 77% of calories from UPFs and 5.5% from unprocessed foods in the ultra-processed diet and 1% of energy from UPFs and 66% from unprocessed foods for the unprocessed diet. Participants received a fixed equal quantity of total calories from both the unprocessed and ultra-processed diets to isolate the specific effects of UPF consumption from those of caloric intake alone.
And this little bit is interesting:
Based on the estimated relationship between caloric intake and body weight change,29 the total energy difference of 7,100 kcal between the ultra-processed and unprocessed diet consumption across the 2 weeks’ intervention was expected to lead to approximately 1 kg of weight gain, whereas study participants exhibited a difference in body weight of 1.8 kg across the intervention.24 Thus, the aggregation of this response to UPF in this latter study with our study provides evidence that calories from unprocessed or UPFs are not equally stored or metabolized, even when controlled for macronutrient load.
But what I could not find in the study is if they actually measured output (fecal, urine). I am not convinced that their +0.8kg find can be attributed to "UPFs are not equally stored or metabolized". It could also be the additional salt in UPFs actually causes more water retention. And the only way to find that out is if they measure completely the inputs and outputs. And from my own anecdata, water retention is totally a thing and can easily be 0.8kg. One good piss can be 0.5kg alone.
The terminology seems too binary.
If you consider whole flour wheat bread as unprocessed, then white bread is not "ultra"-processed.
I have no doubt that it is worse, but the difference is probably much smaller than if you compare boiled potatoes to flavored potato chips (crisps for the British)
- The ultra processed food is the stuff that's made with things you won't find in your kitchen cupboards, as additives to food.
  Most store bought bread has a bunch of preservatives etc added to it. Real bread doesn't stay fresh for a week, at all.
  These additional ingredients are not really food but press your brain's buttons in ways that keep you eating. Food science WORKS. If you test for customers saying "mmm yes, I like that, I'd have that again" you end up with products that include ingredients that cause customers' brains to say "more".
  If you cook from unprocessed ingredients this doesn't result in as much "MORE." behaviour.
  Shop bread is a LOT less healthy than people think.

To the surprise of absolutely nobody.

To the surprise of vegans lol