You can make toothpicks out of anything if you're willing to find a hard bit in it that can be sharpened or whittled.

Holds up a chicken. Behold! A tree!

My cat has like ten games that all involve hiding somewhere in the house he knows I will walk past, and ambushing me and biting me. And then running away.

He is not understimulated. He requires a minimum of 30 minutes of uninterrupted fetch a day, and frequently gets hours of it. He's just an asshole. A hilarious asshole.

I have yet to put a hat on him but if I did he would absolutely deserve it. It would probably be a sombrero with the word "dickhead" written on it.

Can you imagine if she had rejected him? She could've killed him!

That's why I'll randomly put double sided tape on surfaces.

I actually watched it for the very first time this past summer at the recommendation of my boyfriend who loved it growing up. It really holds up.

A lady confessed to killing her first husband.

She said that he was wonderful, kind, caring, right up until she had her firstborn. Then he struck her.

She said she killed him (while he was sleeping), buried him in the garden, and that night she moved "the next state over." She married a different man (who claimed he fathered her firstborn) and they had many years and many other children together.

I want yall to know the best part of working with senile elderly folks is how often they'll tell you the most insane stuff.

You like Star Trek folks showing up in other shows?

Lemme tell ya bout a show called, "Gargoyles."

Warren isn't bought by them.

Sounds like what does down at the federal sex bureau.

I made a dhampir in pathfinder based on several truths about me and one of them was that I abhor direct sunlight.

Ah. The Superman loophole.

Because the people on tumblr are socially anxious and need to see that their reaction is one that other people have, to be reassured.

You're cuter than Tom Cruise.

I enjoyed this immensely.

I'm explaining to the people downvoting that the cartoon man in this meme is from a show written by the man scottmeme is linking to on youtube. And the phrase, "Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, bye!" Is a common meme from that fandom (and said by what is probably my favorite villain of all time.)

That's Alex Hirsch. He made Gravity Falls. He voiced Bill Cipher. He also voiced King on Owl House.

As a woman with crippling ADHD, I can't imagine the horror of trying the new wonder drug, discovering it helped me keep the house and avoid being beaten, and then eventually having to go back to doing without...

A friend in high school heard me and the girls whispering (one of whom was his girlfriend). When he found out one of us needed a pad or tampons and we were seeing who had some, he got excited for the chance to go to the store to get them for us, because he said that buying tampons is the same as screaming, "I have a woman!!!"

I hope that guy is happy, wherever he is. He was a kind soul.

Same episode that gave us the amazing, "I don't want to live on this planet anymore."

Being bi is literally the best of both worlds. It's the sexual equivalent of being born wealthy.