BOMBS @ BackOnMyBS @lemmy.world

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It's neat that you say that about queer spaces! When I was in high school in the late 90s, I was in the LGBTQ club, tho I've never identified as LGBTQ. I found myself there because I was part of the outcasts and fell into since they were accepting. It's like we all accepted and looked after each other.

I appreciate that you pointed out internalizing our difficulties as character deficiencies. I've definitely been affected by that and have been working to get rid those beliefs in the past year. I can see the overlap with LGBTQ. Pretty interesting. Thank you very much!

Veritassium has a recent video about some of this that you may find interesting if you haven't already seen it.

Are you referring to the one titled Something Strange Happens When You Follow Einstein's Math.

The two things that appeal to me about the folding phone are (1) protecting the screen from scratches, especially in my pocket or backpack and (2) that when folded, I wont accidentally touch the screen in a way that will register as a click or swipe. The last one in particular is super annoying to me. However, it doesn't seem like the technology is ready for this yet since it sounds like the folding mechanism breaks easily. And ofc, I never buy anything Apple.

Thank you very much! I'll try this when I get home tonight.

While your body may not still be developing, you're not done growing mentally/spiritually yet! Keep on keeping on, fellow audultie ✊

I got diagnosed just over a year ago in my 40s. I was diagnosed as a child, but they didnt tell me. I only realized it once I reviewed my childhood with my autism therapist. Anyway, this meme hits hard every time I have one of those revelations:

To me, depends at how far I am from them. up close, I can only look at one eye at a time. Which eye I choose depends on how much I want to engage. If I want all in, I'm going with the eye they're using to look at my eye. If I want a little separation, then I will look at the other. Maybe from about 25 feet (7.5 m), I can focus on both eyes at the same time.

also known as Zoloft in the US

I was born, raised, and currently live in Florida. The guavas in Florida supermarkets are closer-tasting to plastic than the guavas I've had in the Caribbean.

Others don’t like me having eye-contact with them, because I’m too intense.

When people have told me that, I think it was because I was forcing myself to maintain eye contact rather than do it naturally like NTs do, so I would do wayyy to much of it 😳, which made them feel uncomfortable. "How do you like it‽" 😆

Thank you! I'm glad we were able to relate on it. I think it's helpful for self-awareness and developing healthy relationships.

thanks!

Eye contact is particularly interesting to me because it was one of the first things I was ever self-conscious about. My parents never told me I was autistic, though in retrospect, they definitely knew. Anyway, I remember thinking something was wrong with me around late elementary school/early middle school because I couldn't keep eye contact. I would try but would feel too weird at the time. It was like I would get dizzy, take off to another dimension, and completely miss anything that happened while I was maintaining eye contact. Sometimes, it was so apparent that I was having difficulty in the moment, that other people would notice something was going on with me. I didn't know what it was and was confused as to how others forced themselves to maintain eye contact so intensely and easily.

I asked a trusted teacher about it one time. She looked pretty concerned and suggested that I look at people's eyebrows when I talked to them. I tried it, but that didn't feel right either. What I ended up doing is socializing with people that were okay with me looking off to the side during conversations. Later on when in college and taking classes on communication, I remember they would say that eye contact was an essential listening skill. During these classes, we would have role plays in front of the class to practice conversational skills. I would get stressed whenever these role plays would come up because I knew that it was either (a) I maintain eye contact and not hear the message while I feel intimately violated or (b) I hear the message with impressive recollection but then get criticized for looking disinterested.

• What do you think is the underlying difference that causes autistic people to use less eye contact than others?

The best I can come up with is that I'm hyper sensitive to some sensory inputs, and eye contact it one of them. Eye contact to me is like establishing a direct line from my mind to someone else's. I feel too much empathy, that it overrides how I am feeling. Vice versa, I feel that the person can feel too much of me, and that is too vulnerable.

• What does it feel like for you?

For me, it depends. If it's someone I trust very well or am romantically involved with, then I engage in eye contact because it's super awesome being connected at such an intimate level.

If it's someone I know and am friendly with, then I use purposeful short glances to see how they're feeling, especially in moments when they are sharing something that I find their feelings to be important information. If they are sharing something intimate or emotionally difficult, for example a difficult moment that they are experiencing, then I may maintain eye contact a little more until I feel I have a sufficient understanding. It's like the eyes are the confirmation of or filling in the missing information of what they are saying.

If it's someone I don't know, I will barely make any eye contact if at all. Instead, I will look at their mouth. This is especially helpful if there is too much noise because it allows me to lipread. It also gives more information on their emotional disposition than looking at their eyebrows. If I'm too close to them that looking at their mouth would make them uncomfortable, I look off to the sides. I probably come off as completely disinterested, which I am not, but that's better than eye contact with a stranger.

• How do you interpret other people’s eye contact?

Again, it depends on our relationship. With strangers and acquaintances, it feels completely invasive like they can see the inside of my mind. As a thought exercise, if the options were either to be completely naked or maintain eye contact, I would choose to be completely naked. In some cases, I will turn around enough so that they can't make proper eye contact, or become so uninteresting or disinterested that they stop. With closer friends, I have no problem if they keep it limited and they don't expect it from me. With intimate relationships, I expect it. If they don't engage in it, then I think something is up with them or the relationship.

Does anyone else relate to this?

better text them first

“grey hats”

What's a grey hat?

Vigooooooo 👻

Not so weird to me or most Cubans, but prolly to the rest of the world: malta with a spoonful or two of sweetened and condensed milk. Pour the malta into a glass, then add the milk and stir until evenly mixed. Drink. If you're not used to the flavor of malta, this combo may be too much to start off with.

I hear war drums

Share away, please! Btw, I believe everyone has the right to understand in their own way how autism and society interact, so please don't feel the need to exert too much effort on pedantry unless you really want to. Personally, I appreciate diverse persepectives because I feel it gives me a well-rounded view of the situation. It's like if we were all standing around an object. I can only see my side, but if we all shared our own perspectives, then we could see 360*.

Me when someone asks me to tell/teach them about one of my special interests...

Me: For real‽

Them: Yep

Me: But like, how much do you want to know?

Them: Everything

Me: Even if it's a lot of information and takes an hour?

Them: Yes

Me: And you'll stop me if it's too much?

Them: Yep, I'll stop you if it's too much.

Me: 😮 hold on. let me think....ok... 😮‍💨 ...so....non-stop talking for an hour possibly using props and a board/paper for illustrations. several related tangential topics come up and added to a list of topics to discuss later.

Learning to really accept myself and to stop judging myself helped me to build some confidence. Which in turn helps to handle (or survive) situations which ask to much from me.

Learning to listen to myself. If I feel, that I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to. Not now, maybe later, OK?

I like these two a lot. Congrats!