Mid-30s woman here, from western US. I call my mom any of the following, depending on mood/context:

• Mom
• Mommy
• Mama
• Ma (definitely can become Maaaaa at times)
• Uma
• Mother (usually in a jokingly stern tone)
• Her name (when she's being particularly deaf)

He's so cute! Is he named after the mouse from Cinderella?

Considering you've thought about it, you're already ahead of 95% of congress.

On the bright side, that means the horse can continue the torture forever. Autocorrect is a mean bastard, but I'm thinking this one's not so bad.

That goddamned movie made leaves look delicious and my child self did not appreciate the lesson in reality versus fantasy. ಠ_ಠ

To a penguin.

Yes, last I'd heard the rapist Brock Allen Turner was going by Allen Turner. That rapist.

First we had to worry about microplastics invading our junk, now we have to fend off butterflies, too?!

This...pretty much describes the Democratic Party in general: mostly full of people who, by the standards 20 years ago, would've had an R by their names.

Both parties are a cancer at this point.

Absolutely disgusting. Our common ancestors are rolling over in their graves at their inhumanity.

No, but I did say it a lot.

Max Power

He's the man with the name you'd love to touch, but you mustn't touch.

Well, since he's clearly unnamed, I'm naming him Speck.

This is actually a really smart anti-cannabis message: After 10 years of smoking, the smoker's lungs turn into a nut, but still somehow function. If you don't want to end up as a lab test subject, you'd better stop at 9 years, 364 days of smoking.

I wonder what the reset time is for the 10 year period.

You can't be a shitheel traitor if you don't engage in some shitheeling treachery, right?

A few years back, they changed it to "feisty cherry" for a bit. That was, hands down, the worst soda I've ever tasted in my life. Why they did it, I don't know, but it was really hard to find the normal cherry for a while.

Mustardize me!

Unlike them, I don't believe in killing people just because of their belief systems or who they are. That said, I think food/clothing/shelter should be the baseline that every person gets, so I want them at my idea of zero.

If I'm being generous? Enough to provide themselves with food, clothes, and shelter, and that's about it.

I'd get a tiny violin to play, but I don't shop at Target.