All this talk about upper butt, grabbing low hanging fruit, short fucks, and local food banks has me ready for round 2. Out of completely unrelated curiosity, how tall are we talking?

I have an urge to throw a towel at you and tell you to clean yourself up while I put my pants back on. Thanks for the ego boost and I hope you get some help with your drinking problem. I left the $60 on your nightstand, goodnight.

I'm either too high or not high enough for this. Just tell me what position to get in and let's get this over with. Lights off but socks stay on.

I don't know if you're flirting with me or telling me to shut up

They needed to do a report to figure out taking medical care away would cause deaths?

I once accidentally turned on my seat warmer and halfway to work I thought I shit my pants

I'm having difficulty understanding what positions in theater and performing arts are stereotyped as anti-social, unless it's some kind of euphemism?

And what do you do?

Is "ridiculed" an ambiguous term?

What about the drug part?

Printers are so cheap nowadays that the solution to every problem is to buy a new one. Paper jam? Out of ink? Random pages coming out with grayscale pictures of demonic forces? Lost the power cable? Buy a new one

I'm not that into historical politics nor am I even american

It's the exact sequence that lead to the birth of the joker

I've always been interested in the business side of beekeeping, do you rent out for pollination and is it worth doing?

It's human nature to act like you're in a really bad horror movie when you're crunched for time.

Wake up and spill your glass of water

Put your underwear on backwards and don't notice until you're fully dressed

Drop the toothpaste cap down the drain

Need to poop but constipated

Make a mess putting together your smoothie then drop it on the floor when you're done

Put your shoes on and realize you don't know where your car keys are

Find them in the freezer beside your dead parakeet you plan on burying later

Drop the keys locking your front door

Drop the keys unlocking your car

Drop the keys between your seat and centre console, but it's ok because you have a push to start

Hit every red light

Stuck behind legally blind geriatrics the whole drive

Get out of the car and spill your coffee

Close the door and remember your keys are still in the devil's crack aka between the seat and centre console

Scrape up your hand reaching into the crack and accidentally wipe blood on your white dress shirt

15 minutes late for work but it's ok. You remember you were fired last week for being chronically late.

I looked into genetic factors of centurions out of curiousity before and it does largely seem to be nature rather than nurture. Centurions tend to have siblings that are also centurions, both of whom typically have overactive telomerase enzymes. Apparently some type of enzyme that prevents aging of cells. Theoretically, if those same people avoided alcohol and cigs their whole life, they would have lived even longer.

I once asked a christian why god would allow so many people in positions of power within the church to commit sexual assault on children. His response was "well they got caught didn't they?". If that ain't some braindead cult logic then I don't know what is.

You're treathbaking! You're all treathbaking!

Jay-Z

You obviously left out the part about how you OD'd on cake then fell down the stairs like the addict you are. Pathetic