Water, water, everywhere...

I had the urge while out the other day and had to wipe, like a peasant. Bidets should be a right in the kingdom.

Get a little portable bidet. They're not ideal, but it sure beats the awful toilet paper in public bathrooms.
- Wait, those exist? I might have to look into it, because I can't install a normal bidet in my apartment (horrible Soviet era piping all over the place)
They are the right and norm in Japan.
- Tons of places do not have bidets. Hell, numerous places here still have squat toilets. I guess they are common in many tourist spots and stations in bigger cities. I have some occasional digestive issues and tend to know where toilets with washlets are in places I frequent.

Idk about you guys, but I typically don’t watch other people wipe their ass lol

Don't kink shame
- What if kink shaming is my kink?
I know an adult care nurse, she told me "everyone wipes their ass differently and they're all convinced their way is the only way."

Why would you want to watch that?

Bidet users are depraved kinksters
- As someone with a bidet..... Don't tell them our secrets.

We had them and then moved to a new place with solid metal lines going to the toilet so I couldn't reinstall our bidets. I lived in luxury for years only to have it snatched away... Don't take your bidet for granted people.

Does your toilet's water line have connectors on either side, or is it just straight from the wall to the toilet? If the latter, you really need to talk to a plumber, but the former can be solved by just getting a new hose line.

It's a life changing purchase.

I just do that dog thing where I hitch my legs up and use my arms to drag my ass down the hallway runner.

^ this guy walks around with shit on his ass.
Imagine cramming shit up your asshole then smearing the rest around your bunghole and then being mad that others don't
- Just don't wipe your ass like a 4 year old
Imagine smearing shit all over your ass and feeling clean. If human shit fell on your floor, would you wipe it a few times with dry paper and say "good enough" or bring out a disinfectant spray?
- Neither dry paper nor a stream of warm water is going to clean human shit off. If you aren't using soap and some sort of scrubbing action, it still smells like shit.
  Pre-shower poopers unite!
Found the guy who’s never used a bidet.

Meanwhile 1000 generations of Indians stare at you disgusted by your over reliance on technology.

"Technology" in this instance is "little nozzle pointed at bum" 🙃
- Don't forget the seat / water heater! And the butt-dryer

"Wipers watching bidet users spray their nasty all over." Two sides of the same coin if you ask me. The happy medium is the dry wipe followed by the wet wipe then another dry.

It’s directed water, and goes straight into the bowl. There’s no ‘all over’ unless you’re doing it wrong.
Also, I hope you’re not flushing those wet wipes. They lie about being biodegradable and cause fatbergs in the sewer that workers have to go down and clear.
Do you reach down and dip the toilet paper into the water to get it wet?
- God no! lmao that's almost as bad as that podcast guy that admitted he'd catch his own poop and gently drop it in the toilet so it doesn't splash.
  You can get plumbing-safe wet wipes (baby wipes, basically). They work perfectly well.
it's kinda sad how close minded some folks are... so much so that they'll convince themselves that flushing harmful waste is ok.

I always feel like somebody's watching me

And I have no privacy...

Pff If it it's extra funky I just spread my cheecks and do a good-morning in the shower

You do the waffle stomp?
- All day errday

can't believe david tennant's husband was the head of one of the largest and most power vampires in the world and david tennant was a vampire expert.

As someone that had a fancy bidet and returned it my main selling point was "reduce tp" during covid. It just didn't work with its fan blowing, I still had to use tp to dry my ass afterwards ans to thr people that say, "just use a towel" like wtf then you have a shit ass stinking towel next to you in the bathroom. Especially so since I wash my towels after a use. Point is the heated swat is goated, the wet ass and weat fan dry function is no and they aren't for me. I will scape my ass with tp will Sahara dry.

Well yeah, you have to pat dry. But you still get cleaner and use way less tp (this may vary on how much fiber you have in your diet).
The point of bidet is to clean your butthole, not reducing tp use. Even so, wipe away water is significantly easier and less tp use than wipe away any trace of poop.
You wash your towels after a single use? Just so we're clear, you're supposed to wash yourself before you use the towel... they shouldn't be that dirty... right?
- Yeah I don't think they fully understand the steps to using a bidet if they're worried about towels covered in shit...
- Yeah you don't? Likenyou shower daily, so you change towels daily. I have 7 towels for 7 days and wash them on Sunday. I like knowing that I am clean ans while myself with a clean towel after a clean shower.

Imagine caring about how anyone else (aside for your intimate partner and/or possibly someone you care for) cleans their own asshole.. 🤯

It's hard not to care when you can smell them, but tbf that says more about the individual and not what toilet attachments they may or may not use.
- I think the problem is with how close you're getting to stranger's assholes if you can tell from smell how they clean them (and I say this as someone with severe sensory processing disorder who can smell everything - I have never, ever smelt anyone and thought "that's shit, they must not have a bidet". Ever. The fact you have is significantly more gross than the ass cleaning habits of strangers).