Anon eats chinese food

OP broke into a Chinese immigrants families house and got free food.

Reminds me of the Little Britain skit when Ting Tong opened a Thai restaurant in Mr Dudley's apartment (couldn't find it on YouTube, so I'll link to TikTok, mea culpa):
https://www.tiktok.com/@british_comedytv/video/7207199023474691334

OP found a triad money laundering establishment.

One family member has a real gift in the kitchen but just can’t convince the rest to go legit and make the restaurant honest.

Anon frightened off a front for chinese international operations. He looked so weird they thought it's an undercover agent.

be me, chinese triad
no fear
hanging with fellow triad bros at our safe house
suddenly, a weird unkempt man stumbles in at 1 am
goes straight up to our most feared boss
keeps repeating the word 'food' while staring at him without blinking for 5 minutes
his eyes are as red as blood
must be some kind of demon
we give him food to prevent the wrath of the heavens
he eats it, says something about explosions and stars
leaves
we're all sweating, realizing that if we hadn't given him food, he would have blown us up before going back to the stars
everyone in that room fled the country, hoping never to see the demon again
be me, chinese triad
one fear
- this was funny. I like you.
Nah, there’s a Chinese place about 5 minutes from my house that is either some rich guy’s shitty project, or more likely, a money laundering front.
Place is never ordered from, only ever has the same 3 cars in the lot, and has been open for about 15 years. It survived COVID when half the restaurants in my city had to close up shop.
I went in once about 10 years ago, and the food was just god awful. No flavor and it looked like week old microwaved Chinese. The whole place was filthy and I was amazed it hadn’t been shut down.
No way that OP stumbled into a front and actually enjoyed the food, even if they were as high as the space station.
- I agree with your conclusion, you usually don't run the front for real to fly under the radar better. Maybe I thought about underground restaurants I've seen a couple of times targeting plentiful chinese tourists? I've been in a couple of these. Ground level, no signs, mute chinese personal, hierogliphs on the menu and just a word of a month from locals that you can fill your stomack for pennies there. Maybe they stumbled upon one such place and can't recall where it was.

Anon ate ramen noodles in their local trash can with some opossums

Dude found a money laundering front that bailed because they thought they were a cop.

It was just some dudes apartment

Probably didn't have a sign outside so it just looks like a vacant storefront during the day. Noodle place I went to is like that, plus another diner I visited.

OP found a Panda Express and imagined them being slightly classier

Probably just forgot where it actually was.

Or it only opens in the afternoon, and is unrecognizable when closed.

Sir, this is a Wendy's.

This reminds me of that story where a couple came across a small restaurant with a bunch of old, vintage cars parked and when they went in to eat they had the best tasting meal of their lives. Turns out the succulent meat was human.

I don't know if they made it out.

I don't know if they made it out.
The restaurant’s diners become the future meals for subsequent diners.

Op surely will feel at any point now what he actually ate

世界间餐厅

(I don't know Chinese, so hopefully DDG's translator is accurate.)

The restaurant’s there, anon didn’t find it because anon didn’t actually walk around for several hours+ trying to find it. Everyone knows anons are idiots.