I'm officially 41.
At age 33, I was "celebrating" my birthday at my dealers crack den, which I also lived at.
It's been a long, hard 8 years, but it's been worth it. Changing my life was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but it has been completely worth it. I've gone from begging for change like the people on the corner of Flinders and Elizabeth, to interviewing for better IT Manager roles. I'm normally humble, but I'm really fucking proud of that fact. That I got what I wanted in the end.
Got some great friends. People that are my family. People that have supported me, and I'm proud of being able to support when they need help. I love that I have a music studio full of great stuff that keeps me happy, and of course, the fluffy criminal known as Gibson. I still compare myself to others, but I'm learning to appreciate what I have, and that I'm very lucky that I'm so stubborn. I never wanted to die in the gutter. It's ok that I don't have property, or 100k in investments etc. I have a great rental that I can make loud guitar like noises in whenever I like and that's perfect for now. Plus Gibson gets to run around in a big place and that's great too.
At times, it's been a very solitary existence. Readjusting to society after years and years of living in another world was jarring. I missed a lot, and am still catching up in a lot of ways. Making friends is hard when you have big gaps in your life. When people are talking about holidays and trips overseas, or festivals and weddings they've been to, you sit there quietly and try not to look too conspicuous. Only my close friends know the deal, and they've been wonderful in accepting me for who I am. I'm very lucky to have them.
Relationships are tricky. I've had some shitty experiences that have tarnished my view of dating, but I still keep trying to find the right kind of person. People like me can be easy to manipulate if you have bad intentions and I've learned what to look out for after the last disaster.
Sometimes, in weaker moments, I do consider going back to the old life, but that is like an alarm going off that says "hey, something in your life is really fucking bad right now, you need to fix it". And I do as best as I can. My cancer scare last week definitely had me thinking of running back to the street, but thankfully there was no cancer. Even if there was, I don't think I would have gone back. But I think that thought will always be there in the back of my mind when things are really tough. One of the leftover bits from the past.
Never give up on yourself. I guess that's the point of this mini rant. Sometimes you want to. Sometimes it seems that there's no way through. But you never know what will happen tomorrow.
Have a great day everyone :)
It's bin day, and I have successfully put out my bins, including clearing out some old things from the back of the food cupboard. I would like to have a word with whoever installed the "just in case" voice in my head. You know, the little voice that when you find the remainder of a packet of chia seeds with an expiry date of 2012 in the back of the cupboard whispers "you should keep that, just in case..."
Waiting at bus stop. Wait 5 mins, bus behind schedule so I assume bus be a while. I started walking towards the other bus line. Bus approaches from behind. Me: "fuuuck".
Keep walking towards other bus line, I pass by bus. 5 mins later, bus still stuck in traffic and I get in the other bus.
Vindication. Great success. 👊
One of my oldest friends (she's not old I've just known her since I was a teenager) is coming into Docklands tonight and we're heading out for dinner and a couple of drinks, probably coming back to mine for a drink. I got some lemonade and a bottle of Chambord to mix with the vodka which has been idling away in my freezer for a couple of years and also got a box of Favourites. Apartment and car and clean (car doesn't matter, but it does make me feel good). I am prepared.
Now I just found out my boss is unwell so the team lunch tomorrow is off and I won't need to go in. All I have left for the week is a 30 minute catch up with him at 2:30pm today. Might have a cheeky bourbon!
Update: 2:30 meeting cancelled
Oops, bot failure was completely my fault this time. I moved the laptop and knocked the power cord. I promise to be more careful in future. And it is sort of the cat's fault too, as she was having a nap where the laptop normally goes.
Bot001 valiantly tried to continue on the strength of an aging battery but eventually succumbed. No bot is a match for pulling the plug. Unless it's a bad horror film where the computers are taking over the world, in which case the lack of power and the absence of a computer chip is no obsticle.
Me and the doggo got rained on, and it was really hard to get up and go... But I got a PB! 27:06/5K which I'm really happy with! 🙂
Edit. Rewarded myself with a bacon & egg roll from my local... they've added chipotle mayo! Party, mouth, etc
Effing terrifying. My work colleague’s sister just turned up on my FB. Which uses not my legal variant. About that cabin with established well…
Okay. Enough faffing around. I've managed to get some traction with work so here's to another solid few hours of documentation. Gonna break it up with browsing seek, just to start getting an idea of what to move to next.
I need to figure out what I'm doing by 18 Feb which is when I'm expecting the next rent increase email. By 18 Apr I gotta either have a really good reason to stay in Melbourne and the job to go with it, or have my next digs lined up.
I really cantbefucked.org.au today.
Banh mi for lunch. mmmm
Life hack discovered. Get Viet iced coffee without ice.
Since it's typically extra strong + has lot of sugar, I usually take it home and make it into two servings 🤪
It's looking like raincoat weather. The new seedlings will be rejoicing.
Edit: I timed the dog walk amazingly well. No rain while we were out, but now I'm back it's raining again.
I've organised meals for the next two days (back at work ☹️) but have still not worked out what to have for dinner tonight. Maybe some fish, I haven't had that for a while.
I promised my daughter I'd help her with with her art project which is lino cutting and printing. I have a piece of lino 2" by 3 1/2" (double sided) that I need to engrave and I have one shot at it. I do not have the tools for this. I need a huge coffee. I have a headache already. Any tips would be welcome.
Goblin didn’t eat his whole midnight snack.
Have some morning tea 😺
Well I've finished. It's not good but at least it looks like she's done it. Now she can concentrate on her maths test for tomorrow.
I'm very conflicted as to whether to get a rug for the lounge room. I have hybrid flooring on a light golden wood pattern. I'm concerned adding a rug, even a bigger one will chop up the room and make it look smaller. And I question whether it would add anything since the flooring already looks nice.
I just attempted to book a cab from near one end of the CBD to the other and was quoted near $50 due to peak time.
You can bet I cancelled that.
#Worldle #664 1/6 (100%) 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩🎉 ⭐⭐⭐🏙️ 📷 #WhereTaken🌎 #263 3/6🎉 ⭐⭐⭐
Cake is in oven. Estimated cooking finish time 1620hrs. The oven won't let me put in a time longer than 2 hours. Even technology has a short attention span these days.
Edit: Cake is now out of the oven, has been brushed with brandy and is cooling down under a foil cover. Next step involves more brandy and a thorough wrapping before putting it away to mature. A good rich fruit cake is a preserve, not a dessert. I will probably start eating this one in the latter half of next year.
Gamer grump; I restarted Twilight Princess, boy wanted a try. Aside from me having to colour interpret, and hint bomb, he’s now so far ahead my own game isn’t fun
Did you know for a mere $750 you can advertise for Red Rooster on some basic-ass Nike shoes as worn by "celebs" and friends of Red Rooster such as Kyle Sandilands? Someone needs to pinch me so I know I'm not dreaming of this incredible bargain!
bloody hell filament sellers are taking the piss. Here's hoping the ebay mob I found just around the corner have decent stuff.
Watching Nightmare Alley tonight. It looks so lush.
Telstra reward points have finally paid off. New Google hub for the kitchen installed.
