What doctor's order do you refuse?

“Okay, you can put your clothes back on now.”

i won't order overpriced headphones

That took me a few beats to get.
Sennheiser or Audio Technica, baby!

"Take this referral and make a follow-up appointment."

Xanax. I told a nurse I had anxiety once and she came back with a xanax. I was like "WHOA WTF! I said I have anxiety!" Fucking trying to solve a problem with a nuclear warhead.

I take Xanax but only for very specific things with a limit time period. Notably for visits to the dentist. Turns out dentists don't like it when you cry uncontrollably and getting therapy takes too long when you need a root canal. So two Xanax for the visit and for no other time for me A
- Taking for it's needed effects is perfectly okay. But like basic ass anxiety? That's pretty hardcore. I mean like run of the mill anxiety.
I had a coworker who came in with a headache. Our receiving dock manager overheard and gave her what my coworker thought was a couple aspirin. Turns out the manager gave her a pair of Vicodin tabs without telling her. Needless to say, she wasn't doing anything for most of her shift and the receiving manager was kindly told to GTFO.

To stop sending my test samples directly to his house

Olives on pizza

War crimes.

Honest - I hope y'all are never in this position. But if a medical professional at a small medical center ever gives you a referral to the big hospital, and provides a sealed envelope to hand them, you should absolutely open that envelope and read the contents.

Not sure why you're saying that but my first thought was that Seinfeld episode where Elaine's medical history follows her all over town with a note about her being a difficult patient.
- Not far off. In this case it was the nurse(?) recommending my partner be locked away for a week. Which could be fine as an opinion, but not something they were qualified to do.
  Because we did not provide that information, the hospital did their own evaluation. To be fair, they came to a similar conclusion, but also much less severe.
Why should you look in that envelope? What could they possibly put in that envelope? If it's a serious diagnosis or poor prognosis then they would tell you upfront about it. That's standard practice for all physicians.

Self-amputation.

When they give me a list of people to wack!

Eating cow dung

Lucky. In my country that's on the restricted foods list. It's hard to find a doctor to prescribe it.
- Dang.

Doctor?

You're going to have to pay me 100 billion dollars

Anything that violates my Religious Freedom Restoration Act psychiatric advance directive. https://nrc-pad.org/