Just a tiny bit spicy

MAKE HIM REGRET

There was a place on Venice beach called Rose's Thai Window which had the best pad Thai. You could get it mild, medium, spicy, or 'Rose spicy', which is how she made it for herself. Whenever we tried to order it Rose spicy, she would flat out tell us no. On the last day the place was open, before she moved back to Thailand, she finally made it for us. I lasted literally 2 bites before I couldn't taste anything anymore, except pain.

If I say I want spicy -- I want to be in visible discomfort and bystanders should be concerned for my safety.

"If they tell you it's spicy, it's hot. If they tell you it's hot, you'd better not.

I went to an Indian place once and asked the waiter to make my food spicy. It was kinda medium-spicy, and when the waiter asked if it was spicy enough, I--stupid white boy I am--said no. He took the dish back to the kitchen. He returned a little later with the chef. They both watched me take a bite and regret my decision. Through the tears, I told them the Spice was just right. They laughed.

Here's my perfect spicy level: I want slight to moderate discomfort in my mouth, but no follow up burn from my asshole.

Cmon the afterburn is a surprising little reminder of how awesome the food was the night before.
- I like my toilet to be a crime scene. I had to switch to a bidet to stop rubbing filth into the blood.
- Tijuana Mama isn’t something I want to be reminded of.
- I mean... Depending on the place habenero is a heavy hit or miss.
That’s basically where I’m at. I want some tingling, burning and flavor, but I don’t want to feel like I’m dying either during the meal or after.
I want the burn in my mouth, not in my asshole
I want spicy in my mouth and no heart burn

This is basically how I do my order at a Chinese spot near work, most of the time they don’t listen though and still give me white people heat.

From the restaurant's perspective I can kind of understand. They don't want to serve you a meal that they suspect you won't be able to eat because it's a bad look for their business. And if you complain, being too spicy is also way harder to rectify than being not spicy enough so they play it safe initially. Though it obviously sucks if you're specifically looking for spicy food.
This is why I advocate for chili oil, white pepper, and other condiments at the table or provided on request at Chinese restaurants. As a Chinese person who likes to fine tune the spice level of my food or change the spice level part way through. It also basically means the kitchen doesn't really have to worry about if something is too mild in the same way they don't have to worry if it's not salty enough.

I ordered the only non-spicy dish on the menu and it wasn’t spicy ★☆☆☆☆

Spicy… pad thai 🤣 I said my tapioca pudding wasn’t spicy last time.

Idk about you, but a really spicy pad Thai is 🔥
- Maybe, but I think his point is that pad Thai isn't a spicy dish to begin with. So it would be a weird complaint to make in the first place.

Was it spicy?

OP died of spiciness before he could tell the tale.
Pure capsicin
- He committed capsaicin

I work at a Thai restaurant. Pro tip: get phat kee mao/drunken noodles instead if you like heat

R2-D2One of the hottest dishes I've ever eaten where there was still flavor was boat noodle soup. I think it was with cow blood instead of pig blood. When they asked me how spicy, I said "make it how it's supposed to be." It burned, but I could still taste everything. Perfrct.
Pad kee mao is way better than pad thai imo. Even it spicy you can still taste other flavors compare to pad thai I think it just bland.

"Like you would make it for your grandma" usually works for me. But not if it's the whole order, only if I am trying to get one item really spicy.

Once at an Indian buffet, the owner had okra out & I was so happy, love okra but he kept warning me off it - "no, no, it's spicy" and I was like "Great!" and he would say "no, no, I mean it's spicy" he really was worried.

Nope. It was not. Like, some perceptible heat, sure. But nothing anyone would consider too spicy. Like medium taco bell packet of hot sauce spicy. I was so disappointed after all the warnings!

I once bought "4/5 chilli peppers, EXTRA HEAT" meat, pre-sauces for the grill. It was not even in the slightest sense spicy, even water is spicier.

Make him regret, lol

Being born! Ha

It's so there's a legal defense if they say it wasn't spicy enough

bonus meme from a fellow shitlord

Did you?

This is a repost from Reddit. I doubt this is the OP.

I tried this at an Indian place. Regretted it. I don't recommend anything above 5/10.

I went to an Indian restaurant a long time ago with two coworkers on lunch. The waiter asked me how hot I wanted to which I responded, "just medium I have to go back to work." It was chicken vindaloo and it was the hottest shit I'd ever eaten and enjoyed. I was sweating really bad but it was so good. I barely made it back to the office before I had to start shitting.
I go back on a Friday after work. I tell the same guy, make it as hot as you can. It wasn't nearly as hot as it was that day. I was mad disappointed. Still really good but I wanted it to melt my face like the end of Indiana Jones. Still burned my asshole that way. Defifinite 5/7. Would recommend.
- Still really good but I wanted it to melt my face like the end of Indiana Jones.
  Truly c/BrandNewSentence material.
  Seriously though, never challenge Indian and Thai cooks on spiciness. They can be ruthless!