Alternatively... bidet
Alternatively... bidet
74 comments
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OP didn't mention the AGONIZING itch you get from the skin rubbing. Make sure to use some powder or some shit. Also it grows back in a week and takes so much time.
Just get a bidet.
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Trick is to NOT trim it down to perfect clean shaven. Leave some small tiny little hairs. It won't itch. Been doing that exact thing myself but I'm not willing to prove it.
YMMV if your crack hair is harder than mine.
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And if you work out, the sweat just makes it all slidey back there ++ungood.
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sure to use some powder or some shit
For the love of god, if your skin is irritated, do not use shit to try and fix it.
/s
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On the other hand, your ass has no secrets now. Every fart is an announcement. You took the muffler away.
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Wait till he finds out what it feels like growing back in
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Just get a damn bidet. Life changing.
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Not all poops occur at home.
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Travel bidet. I know of two co-workers who bring one to work daily. Think squeeze bottle with a long straw.
Edit: personally I'm not a fan, to be clear, but it's possible.
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I did this once
The feeling of sweaty aka slippery butt cheeks in summer while walking to class and worst of all climbing stairs was too much. And let's not forget that farts have a to physically separate your cheeks to escape. Too much weird feeling.
Never again
Now I let my butthole grow some hair but keep it trimmed low because I'm not a heathen
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Just use some gold bond or other body powder. Problem solved. Thongs also solve the problem and are really quite comfortable once you're used to them.
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I'm pretty sure this is where the term "butt trumpet" came from.
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All fun and games until you try and let a sneaky one rip in public
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To any Americans who are bidet curious or even enthusiasts, I'd highly recommend this wand style bidet: https://rinseworks.com/shop/aquaus-360-hand-held-bidet-sprayer-for-toilet/
Personally, I find fancy features, like heat, to be superfluous. Seats or seat-mounted bidets are inevitably a pain in the ass to clean. This wand has a nice long hose. Not only can it clean your ass, but it can also help you to clean your bathroom. It should last a lifetime. And, of course, installation is a breeze not requiring electricity. If you are afraid of the cold, rest assured you will adapt. It will zap you awake.
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If you are afraid of the cold
I'm glad you mentioned this is for Americans because here in Canada calling the winter water "cold" is like saying the sun is "hot". I can handle the cold water on my skin but shooting it directly at my butthole is not happening.
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pain in the ass
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You’re holding it wrong.
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The heated seats are really useful during the winter, though. And warm/hot water can often be better at "rinsing" solid material than cold water. I've noticed that it takes longer to feel fully clean with a non-electric bidet than an electric one. It's like trying to rinse dishes with cold water vs rinsing with scalding hot water. One will get the job done much faster.
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It might be overkill, but I'll keep my overpriced bidet with heated water/seat. Cleaning is not that bad, I just do it the same time I clean the bowl.
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Right, it's not significantly different from just wiping down the seat and/or bidet nozzles even in a non-electric one.
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If you need a bidet to get your ass clean, what the fuck do you do when traveling?
One could also change diet
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Travel bidet! Some can attach to water bottles and some have their own little reservoir.
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Eh I got a $250 chinese seat model with a heated reservoir, heated seat, basically enema mode, child lock, self-clean, lights the bowl, 3 years now and it's great. Cleaning really not that big of a deal, especially compared to someone accidentally spraying the handheld all over, kids playing with it, etc
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Great suggestion! I also am sold to bidets. I went to look at the link you posted, and they have a hilarious image of a 100k$ bathroom with their 80$ bidet there, just sticking out like a sore thumb XD.
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Heh. I've used my fair share of fancy bidets. After using this sprayer, I far prefer its flexibility, utility, and power. The all-brass version is very well made, and the explicit ball valve mitigates the risk of damaging leakage. The promo video is pretty good too. While rare these days, sometimes, the less expensive option is in fact better quality and more functional.
I do love how this topic invites such fervid replies.
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What is this person's diet like? I mean feces is supposed to be a somewhat solid log, not a splattery mess. I guess Cheetos and Mountain Dew three times a day does that?
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I mean the worst is usually the one that is mostly solid but something fucked it just a bit and now its like 15% towards veing runny. Just solid enoigh to come out relatively in one piece but also soft enough to spread all over your ass.
Had one like rhat yesterday. Did not have plans to shower that day but alas I went straight from the shitter into the shower.
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Wait 2 days, till it starts growing back.
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I tried shaving my asshole but he ran away and never came back.
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fr tho, from personal experience shaving ur arsehole is a fucking blessing
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I could not imagine the regrowth itch from that being part of the blessed experience?
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There simply is none if you do it regularly, at least for me.
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A truly brutal experience I'll never revisit.
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As someone with a lot of experience shaving body hair, if you do it regularly it's fine. If you do it every once in a while, that's where it gets itchy. Tbh armpits get the itchiest regrowth, for me anyway.
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that is 100% true.
but since i found that i actually enjoy all my body hair being off, i just shave everything 1-2 times a week.
except my beard. gotta have something to remain dwarven.
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bidets or water solve this too
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You can get a toilet bidet attachment that turns your toilet into a washlet. Get a good one with front and back settings, and you don't have to wipe the front either.
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Ours was only about $27, hooked up on about 20 minutes with just a wrench, and has worked flawlessly for the last 2 years.
Easily the best $27 I've ever spent, and the entire family agrees. People who immediately shut down the conversation because it's icky, need to grow up.
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As often is the case, it's best to do a little of both.
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Shaving can be... bad: https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/35274458.html
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Came looking for exactly that epic story 😄
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Bidet is the way
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Most teachers are women that do not need to worry about wiping a hairy ass. If school was taunt by men or nurses that wipe adult asses it would get mentioned.
Probably
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What a bizzare thing to say. Plenty of women have hairy asses. And no, men wouldn't teach this is they were the majority of teachers for the same reason women don't - it's not socially acceptable. The parents of the children would riot. Sex education is only taught because of how important it is, and it still makes a lot of parents uncomfortable.
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Fair.
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Nair bikini on ur butthole. It will change ur life.
Yall ever fucked with an aerodynamic anus before????
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I've been doing this with "Veet gel cream hair remover - sensitive hair removal cream" for the past 6 months and it really is a game changer. No burning (and I've left it on longer than 10 minutes), wiping is almost always a one-and-done, BO is gone, it's amazing, honestly.
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Nair feels like getting the shit chemically burned off. I'll shave with cream and a blindfold before ever doing that again.
I don't care how silky the hole is. I would rather do gymist poses in the mirror.
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The comedian Daniel Sloss does a bit on this.
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Was he the one who did the whole “like trying to get peanut butter out of carpet” bit?
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Yes!
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Depilatory creams are your friend in that area.
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It's a good idea if you have the right sort of skin tone. IPL works best on people with light skin and dark hair, but it might work on other combinations as well. Unfortunately, it doesn't work very well on dark skinned people
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I eat a lot of fibre; makes the cleaning part a lot easier.
But these hairs that we have a fetish for removing are functional for our health and comfort, to varying degrees.
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Okay, here's what you do. Just keep a small container of skin cream with you. when you are done your bisuness, apply a small amount to the toilet paper, and wipe until clean. it helps remove and moisturize at the same time. you would never need to but those non flushable wipes again.
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Careful with the bidet conversation. I saw someone on plebbit explain how they don't have to wash their hands after they take a shit because they have a bidet that washes and dries their asshole.
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If you shave your ass you chafe like fucking crazy.
74 comments
Water people. Just fucking wash your ass, it's hygienic and it feels nice too. Use a bidet, or just sit on the fucking bathroom sink (provided it's installed on the floor, and not the wall). It's amazing how poor ass hygine is for a nation that keeps going on about "eating ass".
Well now everyone at work is looking at me funny.
They said "bathroom" not "break room".
Just flush and use the water from the toilet. After all it is a WC.
The nation fears that it might feel nice.
I will get a bidet the day they invent one that sprays soapy water. Washing your ass without soap is like washing your hands without soap.
Washing your ass in the sink is unsanitary. I don't need shit particles in my sink bowl. I much rather just hop in the shower after a shit and wash my ass with body wash after I'm done wiping. If you have a detachable showerhead, it's easy to do so without getting your whole body wet.
My bidet is like a pressure washer seriously, it has quite a bit of pressure, enough to make it pretty unpleasant if I crank it up on high.
Yeah, it's not soap but I'm not using my ass to eat, I'm just trying to get all the shit off of it so I don't get weird ass-rot and hemorrhoids.
Mine was about $30 on sale and it increased my quality of life in ways that are hard to describe. Shitting at work is a lot worse now, I feel like a barbarian sitting around with a dirty ass all day.