Everything is just an ESP32 away

Don't have to worry about OEMs shipping insecure code and never patching it when I can write my own insecure code and never patch it.

Who does this Kerckhoff think he is anyway???
At least mine is just on my local network and not on the public internet

You should absolutely not keep the gun close to the printer. You should always be closer to the gun than the printer is, to avoid the printer being able to grab the gun before you.

You wouldn't want a rogue printer getting access to your gun, don't ask me how I know.

I have a gun next to my desk just in case a printer breaks in.
Don’t bring a gun to a paper tray fight.
- Personally, I utilize a flamethrower, but to each their own.

What's funny to me, is that most of the trash tier connected appliances also run an ESP32 but with the opposite design goals

For those toss ESPhome on it and check for a config for your specific device or make your own. A good tinkering weekend of poking should be able to get you there for most devices
I have an automatic cat food dispenser just like that, but now has ESPhome flashed to it and hooked into HA
- Wait. So you can crack open some branded smart devices and if you find a ESP32 you can flash the OEM crap off?
  I need to up my game.

If my blinds somehow develop an IP stack then they've been breeding too much

Well, if you have a litter, we're looking to adopt

I’ve lived through that entire journey. I still don’t trust the printer, though.

You know what? Fuck all that. I’m a tech worker and my whole house is automated.

Because I’m lazy…

…like any decently efficient tech worker.

I built this talking toaster myself</smug mode>

whats the joke , who is this guy

The original joke is that tech workers know what dangers IoT devices can bring copared to enthusiasts that are fueled by hype
The added joke is that people who like to play around with tech build their own IoT systems at howe which are (mostly) completly disconnected from trackers, internet and subscriptions making them more reliable.
The guy is someone* with the look of supriority meanint to represent the selfhosters
i too dont know who exactly this guy is
- The guy is Christopher Lee as Count Dooku from Star Wars

Start with a printer then.

I've never bothered to reverse engineer the protocols they use between the main chip and ESP, but I have hooked the main loads, indicator LEDs, and push buttons into my own module. Air purifier, robo vacs, coffee pots, sprinkler controllers, garage doors.

The Shelly uni is awesome for stuff without dc power supplies. I've got one in my gas cooktop, and another in the range hood to run the fan any time a burner is on.