Trust your gut instinct ALWAYS

Gosh I’m so ashamed I did this the other day..I’m old but conditioning is powerful. I made the egregious error of wearing short sleeves on a 100 degree day. Older man approached me and initiated a conversation about my ink. Then asked me about “where the rest of them were” with the whole up and down look. Then told me about his ass tattoo. This was in the freezer section at fucking Walmart. And I was with my daughter. And I’m old. Just let me look at my French fries in peace.

This makes me angry at that man and I'm sorry you have to deal with shit like this.
- Thanks for the sentiment. It’s not too common thankfully.

The last time I wasn't polite to a man he threatened to ruin my life, drive me out of my home, kill my dog, etc. All I did was throw his stuff back into his yard, stuff he had thrown into my driveway. Yeah, that was my next door neighbor. And he won, I'm selling my house at a loss and fucking my credit just to get away from him

Edit: a couple months before that he tried to break into my house because he wanted something and I wasn't answering the door. And a few months before that he had literally pushed his way into my house following me in. Some people are nuts, and so need to be treated carefully. I was just completely at my limit with him, and should have called for backup before that confrontation that pissed him off

Holy shit, that's terrifying. I'm sorry you have to go to such lengths as moving away to feel safe! :(
- Thank you. I took him to court last summer, and my lawyer got him to agree to just leave me alone until I graduate uni and could leave. But this dude wouldn't, every time I walked outside he did everything he could to make me go back in. He was actually stalking me at school too, I'd walk out of a building and see him leaning on my car. So I was checking it for damage and trackers daily. There's actual damage to my house now, but it's not like I can go out there and fix it...
  The cops have been less than helpful, saying "that's on public property" or "well, we can't really tell what his intentions are, have you talked to a therapist?". Finally last month I got one to admit to me that they aren't interested in charging him with anything, including violating the restraining order. So, I don't really have a choice, there is no protection for me here

Politeness is a defence mechanism. It’s a way of creating social boundaries and when two people are polite to each other there’s a mutual respect for one another’s boundaries.

Never feel guilty about being polite and then making a quick exit when someone is trying to transgress your boundaries. The alternative, confrontation, does not offer you much to gain but risks an embarrassing blow-up or even worse.

Remember: it’s never your responsibility to socialize other people (unless they’re literally your own young children).

And as expected men pipe up with their all-important view in a community where they're explicitly not welcome.

Fucking HELL is Lemmy toxic!

Two more came in to comment on the comment that pointed out men commenting aren't allowed.
Are they really that stupid? Or are they just that fucking arrogant?
- You can play manosphere bingo with it.
  "What about men???" "STOP OPPRESSING MEEEEE" "Men are the real victims"
  <Something mansplaining>
  
  <Needless aggression>
  
  <Petulant whining>
  <Piles on because it's feminist/acknowledging male violence/about a women's issue etc>
  If we played a drinking game we'd be drunk in minutes

I worry with the "trust your gut" thing. When you're wary be wary, but preexisting prejudices can and do influence this and do need to be examined and challenged. Noping out of a situation is always ok, and if force to do so is needed to have your demands to step away respected that's what it takes, but a gut feeling is not evidence of danger, but a suspicion of it and that distinction is crucial.

Trusting your gut as evidence of danger sometimes ends in tragedy as this incident shows. This woman was visiting El Paso, saw road signs for Mexico (El Paso and Ciudad Juarez share a metropolitan area), thought she was being kidnapped, and killed her driver.

We currently live in an era of high fear and social distrust alongside low crime rates.

Quick question: How many times do tragedies like the one you linked occur? How many times do tragedies occur because women were not paying attention to that inner voice saying "this guy is a creep"?
- I have no idea and I'm not saying to ignore that voice, I'm urging people to remember that when dealing with "this guy's a creep" feelings thats a gut feeling, not evidence that he's done anything actually wrong. I still remove myself from those situations too. I give strange men berth on the sidewalk and if they're speaking to themselves I adjust my route to avoid them. I rarely respond to strange men who speak to me even. But I keep in mind that my fear of someone doesn't indicate wrongdoing on their part.
  The fear of women in privileged classes is used as justification for violence against members of marginalized groups. Here's a JSTOR link to a 2002 paper on it in racial contexts. Straight and cis women's fear is used to discriminate against gay and trans women.
  Calls for people to remember proportionality in fear responses are intersectionally valuable. So, if you are scared, remove yourself from the situation with escalating force if needed, but I will again reiterate the need to remember that our gut feelings are not evidence that someone did anything wrong or had any intent to. If they try to stop you from leaving, that is something wrong that they're doing, if they follow you as you flee, thats something wrong they're doing.
I see it differently. Our brain takes in a lot of information that our mind doesn't consciously register and it tells us through gut instinct. If it's a strong gut instinct rather than a niggly concern or anxiety then go with it.

Honestly, women don't owe anyone to be polite at all, let them do as they want.

Of course they fucking do. Everyone should be polite by default. If someone misbehaves, they lose the right to receive politeness.
- Why? You don't know their life, why do you get to decide how they should act and to whom?
  You are ofc welcome to choose that approach for yourself, as mostly do I. But telling anyone what to do, especially on the flimsy base of gender, seems callous.

Had a client sexually harass me on a recorded work call (he knew it was recorded because I told him when the call started), and I reported it to my boss. My boss sent the recording to the client's boss and the guy was fired the next day. I terminated his access to everything and it felt so good. I'd never been spoken to in such a disgusting way before that. Gave me the ICK

Yes!