Here is the english version of my now famous “Fallait demander” ; now available as a book with other stories : Orders available here or here or here ^_^ Thanks Una from unadtranslation.…
I've never been a fan of the rhetoric that Executive Function Theft is strictly a male/female issue.
From my experience there's tonnes of common situations where the genders get flipped, and it's a problem that often cuts both ways.
Honestly, from what I have seen, when it's an issue going one way in a relationship it is also a problem going the other way, just in other areas.
Usually it's just a sign the individuals have poor communication skills in general. Neither of them communicate well and both of them often have situations where they have a lot on their plate and the other person has to be managed.
There's a reason these examples that argue it's a man focused issue seem to always be covering traditionally feminine tasks, while glazing over traditionally masculine tasks.
I also have first hand seen plenty of examples where the woman is the lazy couch surfer of the family and doesn't help with anything.
I think if the article wanted to actually appeal to an audience, it wouldn't try and frame this is a man vs woman problem and gender it.
If someone has some actual concrete peer reviewed studies that actually show men are more prone to Executive Functikn Theft I would love to see it.
Until then, this post made some pretty bold claims and I'm not seeing any citations so, as a result it just comes across as sexist instead of informative.
Hey just wondering why you are asking for citations without providing any of your own? Because besides your own opinions and experiences you dont seem to provide any citations to back up your statements.
And just so you know, you can try to find citations for claims made in the comic on you own. Or do you want to do some Executive Function Theft and let someone else do the work?
Edit: Instead of reading that long ass response I looked for scientific stuff myself and found this in a short amount of time:
Mental Labor: A Systematic Literature Review on the Cognitive Dimension of Unpaid Work Within the Household and Childcare
Predominantly, the articles show that women perform the larger proportion of mental labor, especially when it comes to childcare and parenting decisions.
Hey just wondering why you are asking for citations without providing any of your own?
I did not make any broad claims about all individuals of a group, I explicitly made sure all my statements were clearly outlined as anecdotes and not to be taken as something to apply to all individuals of a group.
Note my use of "from what I have seen" at the start of my statement, which sets that everything following it is an anecdote and not to be mistaken for anything else.
The comic largely sticks to anecdote for most of its duration, but it pulls what I like to call "The Joe Rogan Move" halfway through, where sandwiched in the middle of two separate anecdotal statements, is a small but very abrupt statement of fact, that does not get supported by any citations or further info.
Its a mechanism a lot of unsavory individuals (like Joe Rogan and Andrew Tate, who I consider to be pretty shitty for doing this, dont mistake me for liking these people, the term is not a compliment), use to sort of wedge a fact in between a bunch of agreeable/empathetic anecdotes.
You are nodding your head along to their anecdotal story, thinking "Yeah I can empathize with this" and then they shove this sudden factoid in there, then quickly shift to another agreeable anecdote, quickly skimming past that prior factoid without lingering on it. It's quick and sudden, but it's shady as fuck.
In the comic, the factoid that was "wedged" in was this statement:
The mental load is almost completely born by women
Note this is NOT made in any context of "from my experience" or "When you do this, that happens" or "Many women report that" or any other such anecdotal context...
It is presented as a concrete factoid, as if speaking from a point of authority.
And that would be fine if it had a citation, a factual statement like that needs to have some kind of citation. That specific line should have some kind of facts backing it up. What's the source for that line? What do you mean "almost completely", by how much of a margin? How do you even measure that? What? Did you get this info from some sort of study or paper on the topic? Where is this fact coming from?
Then the comic very quickly shifts back to anecdote on the very next panel, by going "So while most heterosexual men I know say that..."
See how that little tiny factoid got sort of subtly wedged right in there, and because the story on each "side" of it is agreeable, it just sort of slips past the radar?
Thats the shit that I am calling out. That is problematic and I don't give a fuck if you are a loser like Andrew Tate trying to lure young men into mysoginistic views/lifestyles, or if you are a feminist blog trying to spread awareness about mental load...
Not a woman, so feel free to downvote. I'd note there's no yard work, car servicing, plumbing or electrical work, Bills and finances, and so on. While I agree that in general men don't do their share of the housework, I think it's important in a relationship to ask, understand, and acknowledge what the other person is doing. Maybe it's actually a fair bit and it's invisible to you. (Same goes the other way, obviously; it's important to communicate is my point)
My husband does all those things but I also do a lot of the "every other weekend" type chores, too, like organizing all of our stuff, back to school supplies shopping, maintaining our appointment calendars, and dealing with our children's change of season clothing swaps. There are always projects and we split them.
I do consider him sharing the housework as 50/50, however, because he does daily tasks, also. He does the cooking, half of the cleaning, half of the schlepping of children to doctor's appointments and playdates, as well as other as needed things. The daily chores is where the rubber meets the road.
He has also been taking on more small but important daily tasks like monitoring our email inboxes for emails from our kids' schools. I think its more than equitable given that the early years of our lives with children i was either nursing through the night or holding/wearing infants throughout the day. I think a lot of men don't seem to register the overnight labor or the constantly carrying babies and infants as labor (it was freaking exhausting).
Thanks Janet. Seems like you two do a great job of communicating. Would you say you both share the management tasks 50/50 as well? With me and my wife, neither of us "owns" the problem, we just both do things to solve it based on what annoys us. It works pretty well usually, but I do feel like we should draw lines to say "no this is definitely my project to manage".
Yeah, if that's happening this is pretty unhealthy. I honestly think that's embarrassing for the man. That's just being an overgrown child. Your partner is not meant to be your mum.
The argument completely collapses with one thought: okay, would you be okay with me telling you everything that needs to be done, and you do it all? No? Then it isn’t 50/50 is it?
OK, I agree that management is work, but I don't agree that it's half the work. It's this kind of argument that allows CEOs to be paid millions. They manage thousands of people, after all, the business responsibilities fall on them!
It's a load of rubbish, and frankly, you know it is because if I flipped that around you would not be happy. ie: You don't have to "own the problem" of cooking, cleaning, bills, mowing, etc. I'll set up a roster and then you can do all the work. It's still half the work right?
In a practical sense, for our house we work as a board of directors. Talk about the problem (Often it's as simple as declaring what you're doing, "I'm making X do you want some"), share ownership, help out when the other person is struggling, lean on them when you are stuggling, and share your plans. Like 80% of the problems I've had in who does what and when have been resolved by just sitting down and talking about it. It sucks, it's adulting, but it's also the only way that's fair. Other people divvie up the work (you own cooking I own children) or spaces (you own kitchen I own garage) etc.