I feel you, I live in the South in the U.S. in one of the most transphobic states. I was terrified to come out, but it ended up going much better than I expected. For the most part people just didn't care, and the worst I got were stares usually from older or hyper-masculine men.
EDIT: this made me think that a lot of that fear was oversized, more in my head than reality. Transphobic violence is real, but is mostly targeted against poor trans women of color.
Hi Una!
Aye, even if law may not be bad, minds of societies changes much slower.
That may feel boring, You probably heard that already, but if You feel unsafe - keep Your safety as top prio, keep dreaming, delay things if needed, but stay safe, to bloom other day (if not yet today).
Then, do more research, maybe some peoples around You are not transphobic, but only uneducated? Maybe there is some sanctuary around? Maybe other, hidden pro-lgbt persons are nearby (if You are afraid, they probably are afraid too, and hidden)?
Thanks, hug I found online another trans girl from same country and we talk to each other. Also I was on boo dating app and found awesome queer friends
Hi Una! I'm also a sad trans girl stuck in a transphobic environment, just fighting what feels like a losing battle to keep myself going somehow until I can hopefully see a future for myself one day.
With that unsolicited trauma dump out of the way - I don't log in that often, but know that I'll be rooting for you <3
I don't expect that this will be particularly reassuring, but I'm a cis woman who heavily relates to many of the bad feels you describe wrt your self image: I often feel like I'm crushed by the pressure of gendered expectations, and that I am failing at being a woman. Of course, I know the sensible thing would be to break free of the misogynistic standards that I will never fit neatly into, and to present in a way that's most authentic to who I feel I am. Alas, doing that is harder than it sounds, because any self image I may try to build for myself will be inevitably tainted by my knowledge of how the world sees me.
Some days I feel better about myself, but there are many more where I am reminded of how internalised misogyny and queerphobia I need to unpack. Part of why I love being in community with trans folk (especially trans women) is that I feel more free to explore how I want to present myself to the world, rather than feeling like I'm failing at being a woman.
Your relationship with your body will be quite different than my own, but in one of your comments on this post, you acknowledged that you probably don't look as bad as you feel (but you still feel bad tho). That was really relatable to me, and why I wrote this comment. I hope the solidarity helps somewhat.
Thatβs wonderful to hear. Iβm not trans or from your country but Iβm always willing to be a friend who will hear you and never judge you for being who you are π«