I wish my own hands could grant wishes

Granted.

Your body painfully morphs into that of a monkey. Bones break and reset, shrinking and expanding to fit your new form. Your hair thickens and grows uncontrollably. A tail erupts from your spine. The pain of being torn apart from the inside and reformed is maddening.

Shortly thereafter, your hands and feet are severed by a large man with a butcher's cleaver. They are hung up to be dried. A remnant of your still human brain curses anyone who would make a wish on your paws.

And now you know why the wishes always bring misfortune. The irony strikes you as the rest of you is thrown into the trash.

Granted! Your power is known to the world and you either have to live on the run or under the thumb of rich billionaires for the rest of your life.

Granted. You become a djinni, trapped in a lamp and a slave to the wishes of others. Oh, did you want to grant your own wishes? Tough luck.

Granted! But they all come with horrific consequences and meta.

Granted! Everytime you make a wish one of your fingers permanently curls up, just like a traditional monkeys paw.

Granted. But they only work when someone wishes for a cup of pudding.

Granted

Other countries hear about it, and willing to start WWIII to catch you alive and enslave you for the countries benefit.

You just spin them around in front of you like you're polishing a bowling ball, until they start glowing, and say... damn... what is it? Klaatu... Verata umm... Nitco .... Nukto... shit

Apes are not monkeys. Apes & Monkeys are both Primates. Humans are part of the Great Apes. Monkeys have tails, Apes do not.