While yes, it looks like I'm sitting there on my phone, my functional part is screaming at me. Get up. Go do the thing. Do your work. You wanna get fired? Get up. Get the fuck up.... As I click on another meme or post or video.
Phones are shitty tablets, and tablets are really really shitty computers.
Phones are definitely easier to take with you though. But why would I leave the basement unless I had something to do? And when you have something to do, you can't use your phone. (IMO)
When the iron is hot, the blacksmith is swinging. The water and peeing thing is probably something I would work on.
Have you tried bribing yourself with Kool aid or tea or something that will get you to drink water? Maybe a mini fridge next to the desk so you don't have to leave the desk?
Hard pass on the piss jug idea. You can make it to the bathroom, I believe in you. Terrible habit. I've known some who travel that dark path. That's why I live alone now.