Tucker Carlson claims he was mauled by a demon while asleep, leaving claw marks

At the time, Carlson says, he was asleep in bed with his wife – and four dogs.

I have an alternate theory about those claw marks...

If this is true, what did he do to deserve this. This doesn't just happen to a good god fearing person. So I guess the real question is, what did he do to deserve this.

This doesn't just happen to a good god fearing person. Why would this happen if he DIDN'T deserve this. Clearly he lost favor with the good lord and has opened himself up to the devil to be possessed by a demon.

How to explain away the signs of rough gay sex to your wife.

Hey, Christians who believe in demonic possession: How come it's only y'all getting possessed and not my heathen, atheist ass who literally invites the demons in?

Tucker Carlson and JD Vance had rough normal gay guy sex and he's getting ahead of any story and saying it was demon assault.

I can also take part in conspiracies

Too bad it didn't kill him

This all obviously ridiculous but... I grew up with a family that 100% believed in spiritual warfare. My parents were more willing to believe my brother was possessed than to believe he needed psychiatric help. My Dad had the church elders pray over me when I had whooping cough, asking God to cast out the demon that had so obviously latched onto my 10 year old lungs. I regularly saw people at my church who would claim to have seen fantastical things.

Tucker is simply appealing to his base. The mass groups of people who truly believe they are warriors for Christ engaged in a life and death struggle for the soul of the whole world. There are thousands of them and they believe you and I as unbelievers are at best, unwittingly helping the enemy and at worst, willful vessels of the literal devil.

I wouldn't be shocked if Tucker Carlson 100% believed what he's saying. The groupthink in those circles is difficult to break out of.

He’s such a cunt. Fuck that guy.

People are saying it's the dogs, but given that it's Tucker Carlson I think it's far more likely that he's just flat out lying.

"I got attacked while I was asleep with my wife and four dogs and mauled, physically mauled." ... "I have no idea what happened."

lol

Weirdo. Through and through.

Sounds like he assaulted someone and that news is about to come out. He is preempting that.

You're telling me this is a real story like in a real news source?

JFC

Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible.

next time he shouldn't use teeth and make sure you cup the balls, Mr. Carlson.

I can't believe I almost ate a non-existent onion.

It's probably your own demons Fucker. They've had enough of your bullshit.

Jesus Buttfucking Christ these people are nuts.

Lol

He should keep that between him and his woman. He doesn't need to lie to us. 🤷‍♂️

But, man, you're never going to get any truth from us. We'll tell you anything you want to hear; we lie like hell. We'll tell you that, uh, Kojak always gets the killer, or that nobody ever gets cancer at Archie Bunker's house, and no matter how much trouble the hero is in, don't worry, just look at your watch; at the end of the hour he's going to win. We'll tell you any shit you want to hear. We deal in illusions, man! None of it is true! But you people sit there, day after day, night after night, all ages, colors, creeds... We're all you know. You're beginning to believe the illusions we're spinning here. You're beginning to think that the tube is reality, and that your own lives are unreal. You do whatever the tube tells you! You dress like the tube, you eat like the tube, you raise your children like the tube, you even think like the tube! This is mass madness, you maniacs! In God's name, you people are the real thing! WE are the illusion! So turn off your television sets. Turn them off now. Turn them off right now. Turn them off and leave them off! Turn them off right in the middle of the sentence I'm speaking to you now! TURN THEM OFF... [collapses in a prophetic swoon as the audience erupts in thunderous applause]

Howard Beale, Network (1976)

Ah shit that's unfortunate. Better luck next time, demon.

sleep paralysis combined with he sleeps with dogs and they have nails. next.

It is what it is.

I bet he tried to fuck one of those dogs and this is his excuse. "Oh no honey I didn't try to fuck the dog again...it was...democr...no wait...demons...yeah it was a demon gang bang and I beat them off."

"I swear, babe! I didn't cheat! It was a demon!"

tl;dr: Comrade Carlson doesn't think he's getting enough attention lately.

I can't believe this isn't an onion article.

The idea that a demon (or even better, Satan himself) would waste their time scratching random people or possessing them just to make them float over their bed or vomit pea soup has always been amusing to me. That's a super weak "ultimate evil" your religion has, Christians.

Tucker Carlson fights his demons. I would give this show a chance even though I really hate the guy. If he does a whole Spike from Buffy arc... It could work. [Sarcasm]

Or maybe he forgot to take off his Freddy Kruger hallowe'en costume before jerking off to gay porn.

I bet this was said to cover for crimes he may have committed as christisn judges will definitely see it as a legit defense. Or he is fucking stupid.

Carlson trying to scapegoat Lucifer after his underaged boyfriend got a little carried away.

That's called a dream, guy.

"You don't belong here Tucker, you have to come back home"

Oh is this it, are we inches from rock bottom? Losing it and or lying more desperately for attention?

So weird.

Bro is taking too much Ketamine

Genuine demonic encounter or Ambien, plus or minus alcohol, and pissing off the cat? Just asking questions, Tucker!

"Wow, that's terrifying, do you have photos?"

". . ."

I'm pretty sure demons have better taste than to want to deal with TC.

Maybe he should take up that urge to read the Bible. And pay attention to what he’s reading. Maybe start with the gospel of Mark, and not Genesis.

sleep paralysis episode and then kicked by a dog in its sleep? Or just lying to appeal to his audience?

He should repent.

Where was BLM and "antifa" at the time?

Demons LOVE the Bible so this makes PERFECT Sense!

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We call this sort of thing 'foreshadowing', Tucker. It's never too late to distance yourself from the covetous bible salesman

A new religion is born.

I feel like, if demons were real, they'd be perfectly happy with Tucker.