Anon has a typical everyday average British morning

American flag checks out.

Oi! Where's your greentext permit?

Oi! where's your carpet permit?

This reminds me of how Brits were always totally obsessed with all the regulations that the unelected EU bureaucrats were supposedly inflicting on us all the time, and then you’d go to France and see kids diving off a high-board into a shallow pool contaminated with battery acid with absolutely no lifeguards to be seen, and generally no-one seems to give a shit.

Yeah but you can't wear boxer style trunks otherwise they will shout at you. They have weird priorities over there
- Lol

This reads like a satire of those greentexts that satirize the knife laws in Britain.

It definitely reads like it was written by an American.

Fact check: they only casually call you a cunt in Scotland

True - in the south they call you a berk.
- In Cockney rhyming slang, the second half of the rhyme is mostly left off. In this case, the second half is left off and the first half is shortened.
  Berkley Hunt = Cunt
Not true, it just sounds more like Kant south of the border, which I think makes us sounds more philosophical.

Queen's dodger can mean

someone who lives with the queen
someone who performs crimes on behalf of the queen
someone who finds those called for the draft but have not registered on behalf of the queen

Which is it?

Surely a fruit filled biscuit is another possibility.
- "fruit"
- Also someone who fringes the ring quite unlike any other.
someone who lives with the queen
Surely that would be the Queen's lodger?
- rhyming slang, me ol China

Tell me about it, it's like, every time I want to get some grilled prawns there's always someone who goes "Oi mate, where's yer Barbie license?"

And in Australia doing the same it's "Oy wait up mate, where's your Ocker licence?" Luckily we don't need barbeque licenses, tong licenses, etc. we got away from the UK to escape all that bureaucratic red tape
- explain NSW then, and their fun police?

Just so everyone's aware the police do not care if you have a TV license.

Yeah, that's handled by the Royal Guard.
- Only their TV department though

And here's some reality of over a decade of right-wing rule https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5aJ-57_YsQ

I vaguely knew Britain was hurting after Brexit but I had no idea it was this bad, yikes

I dont undrstand it but its funny

To watch tv in UK you need a tv licence
This was done as sort of a tax to fund public television without taxing people who don’t use it
The person then concludes that they should have voted for the nazis because liberals bad
- I mean you do in the US as well, but it's called "A Netflix/Hulu/Disney Plus membership"
  And it only funds one channel instead of dozens of TV, radio, web, apps, weather and news channels.
- They're making fun of how Brexit was pushed on a platform of getting rid of overstrict EU regulations and bureaucracy (as well as a lot of overt racism) but it turned out a load of it was just homegrown British bureaucracy that had nothing to do with the EU but UKIP voters kept complaining that anything they didn't like about Britain was the fault of the EU anyway
- I can't believe that is a real thing.

Literally 1984

In 1984 it's the TV that turns you in
you neither know what 1984 is about, or the word 'literally'.

What about the Cat Detector Van?

What's next, requiring a license to make toast in your own DAMN TOASTER!?

Give it time. It won't be a licence though, it'll be a compatible bread subscription for a discounted toaster, with government enforced felonies for using incompatible bread
*Based on how the software and entertainment industries work
- Sorry if I was not clear. I was not serious when I said that. I was referencing this debate.