Losing hope

My personal life has drained me. I feel socially unwanted, I am struggling worse than ever before, and my problems are increasingly urgent. My brain is still trying to kill me through crippling feelings of loneliness, social anxiety, regret, poor choices (I am not separating responsibility from myself in saying this), isolation, and guilt. It is nearly impossible to clean my room; forget everything else it takes to be happy. It feels like I am prevented from being able to even try, like I am chained down 24 hours of the day. Obviously I must continue, there's no other choice, existence itself is rebellion, yada yada yada... but I won't lie and tell anyone that I am not tempted every time I see a lethal scenario to take advantage of it. I'm so close to buying an absurd amount of heroin (which in the states is laced with fentanyl) and just shooting it all.

Alas, these problems do not matter in the large scale of things, and they are but a reflection of a deeper issue within society and myself. So it goes.

Here are some more awful things that happened in 2022, which are sure to continue and worsen in 2023. This obviously isn't anywhere near a full list.

The Russian Federation invaded Ukraine, with Ukraine receiving upwards of 68 billion dollars in assistance from the United States and NATO (most of which was military assistance, you know, to kill people and advance their disgusting geopolitical agenda) - https://www.csis.org/analysis/aid-ukraine-explained-six-charts

Air pollution continues to rise without pause, moving from 417 ppm of CO2 to 419.5 ppm (a large difference for those wondering, and we are on no track to slow down) - https://www.co2.earth/daily-co2

It was a historically hot year. Literally thousands of records were broken. The Northern Hemisphere had its second-warmest summer and Antarctic sea ice hit record lows. The mighty Thwaites glacier is just barely hanging on, and Earth has avoided the Blue Ocean Event (one where Arctic ice does not exist) so far. Key word, SO FAR. The AMOC may be slowing down as Greenland’s ice continues melting. This could, over time, cause an unpredictable shift in water exchange currents in the Atlantic. In the Pacific, meteorologists predict El Niño to begin next year — and it could be really bad. - https://www.newsweek.com/record-temperatures-heat-2022-climate-change-1741940 ; https://www.noaa.gov/news/earth-had-its-6th-warmest-august-on-record ; https://archive.ph/1BUhV

Drought is slowly killing East African wildlife, herds of zebras, elephants… and 20M+ people. Of course the west does nothing about this, because brown people don't seem to fucking matter. Brazil broke new records for how much of the Amazon rainforest they could kill. Go on, check it out on Google Earth from space. https://news.un.org/en/story/2022/12/1131952 ; https://www.cnbc.com/2022/07/13/deforestation-in-brazilian-amazon-hits-tragic-record-in-2022.html

Earth hit 8 billion humans this year. Statisticians expect our planet to reach 9 billion around 2037. - https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/SP.POP.TOTL (not necessarily a bad thing, I understand overpopulation is overblown but still. Big event)

Cholera is a bacterial infection that I promise we'll be reading about more and more. Some of us may even die by cholera one day. Cholera is surging worldwide, in Haiti, Afghanistan, Syria, Malawi, Pakistan, Philippines, Cameroon, and elsewhere. 16 “protracted outbreaks” across 29 countries—none of them in Europe or the US/Canada yet. But it is coming. Westies aren't invincible, you know. Give it 10 years. - https://www.who.int/emergencies/disease-outbreak-news/item/2022-DON426

Surprise surprise, people aren't happy with America, especially the people living here. - https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/politics/2022/12/18/poll-inflation-future-leaders-americans/10903538002/

11 billion snow crabs died near Alaska due to climate change. Children born today will literally see (or rather, not see) thousands of species disappear. - https://theconversation.com/children-born-today-will-see-literally-thousands-of-animals-disappear-in-their-lifetime-as-global-food-webs-collapse-196286 ; https://slate.com/technology/2022/10/alaskan-snow-crabs-dead.html#:~:text=Earlier this month%2C Alaska announced,out between 2018 to 2021

63% of Americans were living paycheck to paycheck at some point this year; this number will rise in the coming years as capitalism continues to implode. - https://www.cnbc.com/2022/12/15/amid-high-inflation-63percent-of-americans-are-living-paycheck-to-paycheck.html#:~:text=As of November%2C 63%25 of,historic high hit in March

Gen Z has 1/10th of the purchasing power that Boomers did. Next time you hear some out of touch asshole talk about pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, kick their teeth in. - https://www.consumeraffairs.com/finance/comparing-the-costs-of-generations.html

Billionaires made 5 trillion dollars off of our backs (2021) - https://www.cnbc.com/2022/01/19/worlds-billionaires-made-5-trillion-dollars-over-the-past-year.html

Oh, and the UN came out and said we can't limit warming to +1.5 degrees Celsius. That too. This is obviously disastrous for hundreds of millions of people, but good news! We are still increasing emissions with no sign of slowing down in time. "By 2030, 2040, 2050" is a fucking joke. The wheels will come off in half that time. - https://news.un.org/en/story/2022/10/1129912#:~:text=There's “no credible pathway to,C above pre-industrial levels

Normal is dying. It's already dead for some. It is just unevenly distributed. Those in the West or richer countries who believe everything will work out just fine - that "the world has always been a mess" type reasoning somehow absolves the the existential time limit we have ticking - are in for a rude awakening, I think.

I hate to come on here and spread doomer-esque sentiment, but it really is just seeming to me (especially in America) like there is no hope. I only have faith in the already existing socialist nations. I can't see revolution occurring in the US, genuinely. The majority of our population seems to either have their head in the sand, be too bogged down by the weight of capitalism, mentally ill/homeless, or just don't seem to give a fuck.

Maybe (probably) this analysis is motivated by my severe mental illness and low point I'm at right now, and it's probably overlooking hundreds of things. I honestly hope the future proves me wrong. What do you guys think? Am I falling victim to myself and society or are we really fucked?

This took all my spoons for the day to write so I'd appreciate literally any interaction, even an upvote. Gonna sleep my waking hours away now :/

Happy 2023.