I've mentioned a couple of times recently having some "real life" problems, but I haven't really wanted to talk about it much here while I was still processing everything.
My Dad has been diagnosed with lung cancer and does not have much longer to live. My Mum also has a fair few health problems and our current plan is for her to move back to Melbourne and share a house with me so I can provide more assistance. I feel a bit like I'm in the eye of a hurricane at the moment, everything seems perfectly normal right now but I'm constantly on edge waiting for that to change.
It feels like I should be doing something but there's not really anything to do at the moment, so I'm researching and making plans for every likely future possibility I can think of. Which probably means something completely unexpected will happen instead.
So market research this morning:
Go to an office setup like a faux supermarket. You put on these eye tracking glasses and walk down the aisle.
All so they can figure out where to best place chocolates on a shelf.
Good times lol
Well that's finally one saga over. I have wheels again! I think I've grown grey in my eyebrows from the stress.
Tomorrow I shall start organising insurance, put in a dashcam, look up places to get quotes for a new head unit, set up direct debits for rego, shop for seat covers and all the rest. And tidy my godawfully messy carport with months of dead leaves and crap accumulated. My neighbours will probably be rolling their eyes and sighing, "at last"...
I'm up early after another night of bad sleep with too many thoughts in my head. But I think I have made a decision that will make things less stressful for me - I'm going to withdraw from my climate change course. It's interesting material and I would like to be able to do it, but I just don't have the focus right now. I'm still doing the Sustainable Living Diploma, but I don't need to finish that until next year so I might move another subject to next year so it is not such a time commitment.
NSFW rant - text wall
I have written a list, a few pages long, of all the crap my ex put me through, as well as a summary at the end just detailing the two months after we broke up and before she moved out, as well as my thoughts on her as a person.
I want to send it to them, I know their address (or at least an address that would forward it to them). But I also know I'm in no right mind to be making that decision. I'm mad that they got to send me that absolute toxic drivel, and that I didn't take the time to rip them a new one.
My beautiful partner suggested printing it and burning it instead, which is a good idea. I just feel so raw. I wish this didn't affect me so much, but I know why it does: it was worse than hell. I would have preferred hell. I thought what my mum's dad did to me was bad, but that only happened once. My ex did it to me, 4 times a week, for 8 years. I wish I could put them on blast, properly, that I could show their friends and family what they did. I wish I could remove them from this world. I wish I broke up with them in 2010, when my friends said they didn't like them.
Maybe I wouldn't have had to take call centre jobs to support her and I, and maybe I would have got a higher ENTER score, gone to uni, and been an archeologist like I always wanted.
But I cannot live in the past making wishes that won't come true for my 18yo self. I can only mourn what could have been, but I must remain here in the present to truly become what I want to be.
I shouldn't send it at all, because it only proves to them how much they affected me, and I'm sure it would give them a boner knowing how much I hurt still. I think they got off on my pain, and I think what I said and did in that chat was the right call; it made them mad I didn't grovel.
I don't think they will find happiness or a partner who would put up with them for as long as I did. Not these days, knowing what we know about abusers and their insidious ways. She can claim she didn't rape me endlessly, because she's a girl, but it doesn't take away from the fact they had a penis and the time and used it as a weapon of destruction against my soul. I can only hope any of their future partners will see them for what they are before she hurts them like she hurt me.
This is nonsense word salad, a stream of consciousness. And I apologise to this community for venting so vehemently.
Peace.
Holidays....start.. ..NOW
(Narrator: actually holidays start in about an hour after greeegy has done the last few jobs unfinished yesterday...)
Just double checking that I did right.
Without too many details, I was on social media and saw that an underage user (like 12 years old) had publicly posted a school picture of themselves and their friend - including their faces, the first name of one kid, and the logo of their school. They had also been engaging with content that had an age rating and wasn’t for kids, making that self doxxing even worse.
The report system refused to give me an appropriate option so I eventually just reported it as suspected child abuse material, explaining in the notes that I thought them posting their faces and school publicly could risk real life harm.
This was the right way to go about things, yes? My report options were extremely limited.
I’m hoping that photo gets pulled down before it makes these kids a target
And the parents catch on to what their kid is doing
Did nobody teach these little goblins internet safety??
Gah. I spent all day and night troubleshooting tech and why things weren’t charging.
Go out and buy a replacement part and I think everything is suddenly working and connecting together.
Felt like I just wasted money today figuring that out or just having it fixed magically.
Well at least I went and stocked up on spices which was the original aim of today.
Coffee time!
Dear boss:
If you try and do something and it doesn't work so you throw it up to me that's ok, just fucking tell me. Don't go 'oh I was gonna do it but was too busy you do it'
Signed: the woman who prepped and went to build a server only to find the PERC is fucked.
Half way home on the train last night the mrs texts me and goes "oh and I've gotta show you a scratch I found on the car" get home and yep, someone's opened a car door on it. Checked over the dashcam footage but cant see shit. She is sure it wasn't there yesterday morning and I believe her cause she woulda seen it during the daycare drop off.
This one probably aint her fault, but maaaan I'm frustrated. It was fixed for all of 24 hours! The fuck is going on with my luck with cars.
Hi kids.
Flat clean, life admin complete. Going out for breakfast
lips burning
I just chopped up some chilies for chili bread
I washed my hands
then ate a bikkie dipped in coffee
must have put chili on the bikkie 😟
Cooked chicken carcass in a plastic bag. Sure.
This bogan piece of shit in cobram that's been arrested makes my blood boil. And while he was found not guilty for the murder of that toddler innocent people don't hide dead babies in their roof. That toddlers last moments alive were being brutally assaulted and I just find it so upsetting . At worst he did it and they couldn't prove it. At best he was an accessory to the crime.
Really makes me want to bring back the death penalty. Some people just need to be gone for the sake of society and no amount of meddling is going to fix their fucked brain.
6 hours of watching Superstore and a 2 hour nap. Busy busy day.
How does a pampered house cat get her claws so sharp?😖 Melbcat is tap dancing in my lap to get comfy, pulling threads out of my good trackies and the skidding with her weight is dragging her claws through my flesh.
She much prefers to be grubby and wild but I need to clean her eyes, have another wipe at the remnants of the ear drops, give her ears another wash and clip her nails.
Price of Spotify going up another buck. Didn't they just increase it to $12.99 like a few months ago?
This is probably the last increase I'll tolerate though. I used a cracked premium thingy for about 2 years but then they offered a 3 month free trial and I thought 12 bucks was reasonable enough so I've been paying that for 2 or 3 years now. But then it went up to 13 and songs I like started disappearing. And they started forcing ads and concerts/merch down my throat constantly. Now it's 14 bucks and every time I open the app it's advertising some concert or something at me.
It's at the point where if I hadn't already been using Spotify, I wouldn't consider it as a decent option, but since all my stuff's on there I'll just suck it up. If it goes to 15 bucks I'm out though. I'll export my playlists and ditch it
[END RANT]
Edit: oh and what's annoyed me the most recently is that shuffle seems to have gotten worse. Sure Spotify, I have over 2,000 songs in my playlist, by I'm sure it's totally a coincidence that "shuffle" is choosing the same few songs every time I "shuffle". (Apparently they capped the shuffle at 150 songs to work better on low end devices or something)
The childcare centre is going to wonder if I have a licence. I had to drop something off this morning and between a car in the driveway and construction in the street, it was easier to just hop on the bike
Nearly finished watching Quiet on Set , about Nickelodeon.
it bothers me that companies will overlook pedophiles with a criminal background as long as the money is coming in 😡
companies need to be made to have it be financially unworthwhile, like billions in fines and jailtime
So I watched Quiet on Set.
It's a post modern series that does very little other than look at very few facts and talk to victims about their feelings.
No experts in the child acting business, child safety or law are talked to. No forensic psychiatrists are talked to about the kind of people these criminals are. No solutions are explored other than, "we should stop this. "
But there ARE experts out there who deal with looking after child safety, there are experts in law regarding child abuse , there are psychiatrists who deal with child abusers in court.
Over all this show was nothing but victim porn that gave no solutions. I doubt the makers of the show even understand how what they did is very little help.
And I'm sure the adults interviewed about their experiences thought they might be helping other people in the same situation.
But without solutions it's very little help at all. It's just more exploitation.
I give it 1 hobbit for dealing with the subject of male rape at all.
