Who you are vs. Who you like?

As a model for infinitely unique human characteristics that can be plotted along several different dimensions, the vector representation makes a lot of sense.

But as with anything that models reality, some of the nuance is lost because we can't feasibly infinitely detail the model for it to still be a useful representation.

So no, you're not crazy for framing gender as a vector space, you're just a huge nerd. 😇

(Edit: Now complete the assignment! [glares at you from a distance])

Thank you for sharing!

Thanks for sharing! Can't quite recall if I've ever met a butch lesbian trans woman before, but that's probably just lack of exposure on my part. Your description of "masculine woman" is definitely a vivid one though, and it makes sense to me.

I don't really know how I'd rate myself on a "Masculine-feminine" spectrum.

Great news! Staying true to the definition or existence of a masculine-feminine spectrum was never the point of this post, and you managed to satisfy my curiosity without even answering this question. So yeah, fuck the spectrum, it doesn't exist. 😇

The other thing that has piqued my interest is your preference for socializing with women. Have you given any thought to the reason behind that, or does it just play out that way? As with everyone else I've asked a follow-up question, don't feel obligated to answer if you feel I'm prying too much.

Hi Cait, thank you for taking the time to share!

If we took fear out of the equation somehow, do you feel it's useful to have a distinction between your personal identity and what you're comfortable with presenting to the outside world? I know anxiety about how my surroundings would react is definitely keeping me from experimenting with my appearance more than I do. But until I do, there's probably no way to know for sure if there would still be some sort of disconnect between internal indentity and presenting identity.

I'm Attracted to feminity in general, but basically anyone with boobs can do, depending on the Person

Hey we're similar on that front! From your wording I take it that you also prefer boobs over butts? There's just something about them... [slips into daydream]

With both ADHD and autism, communication with most ppl is very challengen and exhausting for me, so I just like to hang around ppl who can actually get behind what I'm saying, regardless of their gender

From my experience in interacting with autistic people (kind of a given with a tech background), I've always found that most people simply don't understand what autism is like and as a result most interactions are missing the communicative parts crucial to someone with autism. As the HSP idiot I usually end up being the one to translate and explain to them what's causing all the friction (which is self-interest, since friction affects me).

I've witnessed multiple times that people can't stand the autistic person until I explain to them what's really going on, and it usually changes their demeanor towards them drastically.

I feel like you might gravitate towards people who can instinctively notice your needs and will at the very least not strike out against them.

I'm binary, but I feel that this is largely because I am a child of the era I was raised in and because of the binary experience of my physical dysphoria.

That's an interesting take, and I'm sure it's not something we can put a pin in without watching an entire new generation of people grow up with a different concept of gender identity out there. Curious to see what time will teach us.

I don't have a relationship with masculinity or femininity, and find them both of confusing. I resented both of them as a child and young adult, and just assumed that everyone felt trapped by them.

Sometimes it just be like that. I'd tell you "it is what it is", but a certain meme told me I'm running out of those. Definitely interesting to see how social constructs are experienced in such a different way by different people. Guess the binary representation never made sense in the first place, since there's also a cultural aspect to what is represented in the concept either male or female, making it impossible to define universally. But we're still a long ways away from a world where none of that matters anymore.

Interesting to read your perspective on romance vs. sexuality. Confirms to me that the way we love or make love is definitely as diverse as our collective gender identities are. And hey, you get to pick the lucky individual(s) eligible to date you. So if feeling queer is part of what makes you happy, any potential partner has a responsibility to make you feel as queer as possible.

I'm an extroverted and proud queer! My social circles are almost entirely neurodivergent and/or queer folk

I'm sure there's a venn diagram in there somewhere!

Thanks for sharing! Sad to hear the bar is so low and your community still can't get their shit together. When is the world going to learn it's the transphobic bigots we should be afraid of?!

Any amount of labels changing around is lilely a sign that the labels themselves are a shit representation (which, coincidentslly is also why there are so many of them). The entire point of this post was to give people some space to express the "ifs and buts" of their identities, which you've done a great job at.

I do admit, the title is actually kinda clickbaity in hindsight. Probably could've done better.

You really need to see Her if you haven't yet. Like seriously.

Went to IMDB to look it up and the front page featured a spotlight of the new Joker movie (starring... you guessed it!). Movie seems interesting, definitely going to watch sometime soon!

• Sexuality: Yes lol.

Sometimes less is more. xD

I could use some girl friends irl, or just friends in general.

Yeah, no harm in making some friends. Issue is just "where do you start?", dream is to be magically adopted into a nice friend group, but things just don't work like that usually. Or at least they don't when you're sober.

Hypothetically, if you had unlimited options with infinite success rates, what kind of friends would you add to your social circle first? Girl friends, guy friends, trans friends, enby friends, neurodivergent friends, nerd friends, or any other brand of friends I haven't listed?

Would definitely offer you my friendship application! If you feel like chatting, DM me and I'll send you my matrix details.

Thanks for your reply! I love your take on finding beauty in both sides, seems like letting go of a need to be one or the other might feel freeing in a way.

Would you say that sexuality and romantic preferences are more connected for you specifically, or are there still differences? For me there's a clear difference between sexual and romantic attraction. And it would make sense that there is some difference for pansexual or panromantic people as well. To put it bluntly, would the answer to "Fuck and Marry" be the same person, or would they be different? (We don't kill people here).

And does your intention to put yourself out there more as an introverted person stem from something more? For me, there was a clear goal of combating shyness and improving self-esteem that made me put myself into more social situations. And I felt like I deserve to reap the benefits of having more developed social skills every once in a while.

If you feel any of these things are too sensitive, or personal to talk about, just know that catgirls are naturally curious and will not hold it against you if you draw the line somwhere.

Partly because of my OCD feeding me intrusive thoughts about sexuality for most of my teens.

Our brains can be such a problem sometimes! Though to be fair we're similar on that front, and it took me a while to come to terms with it as well. It's likely because of the feelings either not being very strong or very consistent that you're going to doubt them. OCD surely doesn't help though.

• Social tolerance: it's... complicated? Irl I'm the type that starts out very reserved, but if I spend enough time with someone, something in my head clicks and then I never shut up when I'm with them.

Oh yeah, that's definitely me as well. Always have trouble with people I don't know because I'm not sure how they will respond to me. As soon as the baseline has been established and I feel comfortable they're free game! 😅

finsexual maybe? Finromantic?

I'll look into it, thanks!

I think that introversion/extroversion and reclusion/outgoingness are actually different spectrums. You can be outgoing but still need time alone to recharge your social batteries.

And this is exactly the kind of nuance I was looking for! Thanks for being critical. Framing it this way definitely helps to explain my weird love-hate relationship with other people. There might be a third dimension to it, but I'll save that brainbreaker for another time.

Thanks for your contribution!

• Social tolerance: it's... complicated? Irl I'm the type that starts out very reserved, but if I spend enough time with someone, something in my head clicks and then I never shut up when I'm with them.

Me too. I've also kinda gotten this way online a bit too. I share possibly too much about myself and my interests and probably get really annoying. But it takes me like a year of lurking before commenting or interacting at all. I wonder if there's a word to describe this...phenomenon/personality?