Insecurities
Insecurities
After moving states to a much more progressive one i feel like i get clocked all of the time here, whereas back home that rarely ever happened. When i pass by male strangers they dont do the nod thing to me. its very disconcerting. I get they'd by people who don't know me. I wish I could know what it was that makes people clock me like that. It feels like I'm not man enough here. Not being stealth feels like being naked. I don't like it.
Part of me wants to talk about my experiences as a trans man because it is a unique expierence that needs to be known, but at the same time I feel like as soon as I tell people I'm trans I automatically become Man Lite™ and a bunch of assumptions are made about me. And then I'm not man enough and am not treated as any other man would be treated. I wish T would do its magic already. I'm constantly feeling dysphoric these days.
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It’s kind of been a known thing among trans men communities that trans men tend to pass more in rural/more conservative areas than urban/progressive ones. This is something I’ve seen referenced, oh, probably for 20 years now.
Having grown up in a conservative area, I think there’s an element of conservative communities sort of believing that if someone doesn’t look like a cartoon caricature of a queer person, they must be cishet and any ‘evidence’ to the contrary will be waved away. So what would be called a baby face in a conservative area might be seen as a feminine face in a progressive one.
By contrast in progressive communities, my experience is that cis people will kind of over correct and assume that if you look gender nonconforming then you’re trans. Ask any butch lesbian in an urban area and they will probably tell you that they also get they’d a lot! Obviously it’s not the same as it is for trans people, but it’s probably nothing you in particular are doing to “cause” it.
It’s a sucky experience but try to see it as it is: their imperfect interpretation of you, based on almost nothing other than a quick glance. Correct them if it’s worth your time and do your best to shake it off if it’s not.
Something funny (and not funny) that happened to me is that someone who did not know I was trans thought I'd be transphobic because (presumably) I'm from the south and shared with me all of their shitty opinions on trans people in private thinking I'd agree with them
Oh jeeze yeah, that and the sudden turbo sexism out of nowhere is REALLY disconcerting when it starts to happen. It's a real eye opener.
It's interesting how both are oppressive in different ways