Jokes!

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

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imgprojts @lemmy.ml 8mo ago

You know your vitamin rich bread right?

Well, you've heard of fortified 🍞 bread. You have it in sandwiches 🥪 or with milk 🥛. But wouldn't you rather have fiftified bread? How about sixtified bread, that must be way better. Why always fortified? Or how about it it got better each year? You know, today it's fortified, next year it's fortisixed?

This is an original joke. You've heard it only here! Exclusive.... I'll see my self out.

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imgprojts @lemmy.ml 8mo ago

they all laughed....

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian!

Well, they're not laughing now!

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HiddenLayer5 @lemmy.ml 10mo ago

They're releasing yet another zombie animal movie.

I wish they'd stop beating this dead horse.

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makingStuffForFun @lemmy.ml 12mo ago

There's a man named Johnson who owns a nail company, Johnson Nails.

Business had been slow lately, so Johnson figures he might want to try putting out a youtube video to drum up some business.

He goes to an advertising agency and meets a man named Jim who assures him he can make the perfect ad for Johnson's company. He tells Johnson to come back the next week.

The next week rolls around, and Johnson goes back to see what kind of ad Jim has put together for him. Jim has Johnson sit down, and pops in a USB drive.

A scene of the crucifixion of Jesus comes on. He's screaming in agony as a Roman centurion hammers away at his wrists. The Roman stops, turns to the camera, smiles and says "You always know you're doing the job right when you use Johnson nails!"

Johnson is irate. He yells at Jim, accusing him of trying to run him out of business. Jim manages to calm Johnson down, and begs for another chance. Reluctantly, Johnson agrees, and they set up a meeting for next week.

Johnson shows up to the meeting expecting to be disappointed, despite Jim's assurances that this time everything will be fine. Jim pops in a USB drive and the scene begins. It's a beautiful desert scene, the blue sky merging perfectly with the rolling dunes. Suddenly, a naked, bearded man comes running from off screen, being followed closely by a pack of Roman centurions. The camera pans in on the group, and one of them, sweating and panting says sadly, "I guess we should have used Johnson nails."

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makingStuffForFun @lemmy.ml 12mo ago

free porn

If you get an email with a link called "free porn"

Don't opin it, It is a virus wich deactivates your spelcheck

and fcuks up you riting, I also receibed it but lukily I dont

vatch porn so I dint opin it, plaese warm yu frends.

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makingStuffForFun @lemmy.ml 1y ago

How many Alzheimer's sufferers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

To get to the other side.

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