Hello everyone,
Firstly I would like to thank everyone for their advice and encouragment during this troubled time it really helped me get out a bit of the hole I'm in and made me feel supported thanks a lot really you're all amazing people.
Now, the update. Yesterday I went to her place to talk about the situation she was sleeping but she let me in and actually fell asleep myself, once we both were awake I asked her right away why she was just shutting down from me and walking away, she didn't want to argue or talk at the moment she wasn't aggressive to be completely honest but she didn't say anything either she was being normal with me in front of her family and all but well myself I'm weary still. I proposed her to go out for dinner this Friday, but I'm not sure if that was a smart idea since I think it could be awkward to have a conversation like that while eating so I was thinking afterwards have something to drink and try to have a civilized conversation about everything.
In anycase I already have all your input in case everything falls apart which must likely that's going to be the outcome of this but at least in my head once I have an answer I'm able to rest since I don't have to think if she wants anything serious with me or not and I can finally have my grievance time in peace.
If it is not much to ask, how would you go thru this conversation without being to soft? Like I think I have to impose myself but I struggle to do so since usually when I feel anger I explode and actually I had to go thru anger management so nowadays I cannot even scream at people when I get frustrated which I think is a good thing but also I don't fight back now in fears to harm people.
Thanks once more everyone.
This is how it actually feels like being addicted to a drug and it's hard to run away since I got used to sleep with her and do things with her all the time plus the whole fact that I had this crush on her since I was a teen makes it worst cause I imagined I ended up idealizing a relationship with her but she's a broken glass and she'll never be happy with anyone cause she thinks everyone is disposable and she'll be looking for the next big thing really disgusting behaviour really
That sounds horrible really I'm sorry you had to go through that and I cannot even imagine how it should be to deal with someone in your family with those traits. But definitely I feel that once I manage to break the loop in my head I'll have a lot of development emotionally and psychologically.
Also thanks for your last words, I need to remind myself I'm a good person and have a lot going on for myself and as well it already happened as soon as I stopped beging her to talk she came back trying to catch me and the cycle repeated itself I need to cut her completely from my life and detox.
Thanks again and courage for you as well.
Yeah now I'm getting to that realization, I don't know how much the fact I had a crush on her and the persona she showed online and at the beginning stages of the relationship made me fall for the death trap, a year ago I had a big breakup with someone I was actually going to marry and all and left me on a really bad state and blocked my emotions until a met this girl like no joke the first date was so magical that made me want to feel love again but know I'm more fearful of any connection even tho I crave it so bad since I want to feel I have a partner that can see what I'm inside.
At the risk of being a bit harsh, I wonder if this song applies?
I know the the offspring hell long time no listening to that song I completely forgot it's existence used to be really into punk when I was a teen you brought me back in time, but yeah definitely I feel that way currently. I also think about this song when I ponder about the situation I'm in currently also a bit rough if you're down but gotta love it haha
Also thanks for your recommendations I'll give them a read or try to grab an audio book version to manage to go thru them, you mentioned self love and to be honest I really don't know if I have low self esteem like I used to when I was a teen I was always the odd one because of my preferences in music, movies or topics I liked in general tho I started wearing the weird title as a badge of honor and cultivated my knowledge and abilities more than my physique, now I made more of a compromise with my looks since I'm an adult and well I have to fit in society but still inside I love my brain and how it saved me from a lot off stuff in my whole life, but now I know I could be with someone that treats me properly and I'm charming in my own weird way it's just that somehow she played with my brain to the point I'm just running in circles for no reason and I feel so dumb that I cannot get out of this loop, hell I even remember at the very beginning telling her that I could see the walls she created around herself with her online persona and that I could see thru them and I knew she's actually fragile inside but didn't realize that fits into what narcissist actually do and couldn't see the red flag.
Overall I think me being a "weird" person growing up made me feel empathy for everyone since I suffered abuse from people most of my life and people usually exploit that trait for their benefit.
Yes definitely some of the things there are of the ones she've said to me. At the beginning I couldn't tell if I was right or wrong to be honest since (and I'll get a bit personal here) the first time we had an issue was over some random girl that she deemed less (she actually said she was a whore) told her that she dated me for a short while and she was trying to frame me as disgusting over that and that how I never told her I dated that girl, thanks to ADHD and being a bit of a neofite in relationships I assumed I was in the wrong for not being totally open over that, but now I know it is not normal to have to talk who I dated before hell I never asked who she dated previously cause I truly don't care.
I'm so scared that now I'm in for a ride since she'll be leaving to Europe for a beauty pageant and the thought that she might find someone "better" than me ticks my rejection fears and hypersensitivity the wrong way.
Hey I couldn't find a picture of the things you can do with that I shared particularly but I found one that's similar and these are the type of stuff you seem to be able to do.
Hey thanks for your response, should I find program catered directly to be used with these type of machines? I'm a complete noob I've never gone to the gym.
Hi everyone, I'm currently going thru a breakup with someone that seems to be a narcissist (no diagnosis but their behaviour seems to point that she is) and I think is the first time I dealt with someone like that.
We had a fallout after she had an argument with her family and friends during a party that I attended to at her place, she stormed out of her place completely drunk and left me there in a weird position, her friends where bitter and told me things about her and it matched with things I saw by myself but wasn't sure so I didn't make a big fuss about them and that broke me completely since I'm deeply in love with her.
Her friends and I just stopped talking to her after her rude behavior and actually expected her to apologize to me or give me an explanation but she didn't budge and just kept on partying and not talking at all to me for almost a week and whene she did talk was to tell me that how did I dare to distrust her.
She has been on and off with me and calls me in the middle of the night piss drunk to tell me she loves me and that she misses me and then she'll go cold again, we'll spend a night together and then cold again and that's driving me mad since I already tend to overthink everything or day dream a lot and is literally torture in my brain I cannot take the thoughts out of my head since I'm hyper focusing on that only and is making me feel a lot of pain and solitude.
Have you ever dealt with a situation like this? Are narcissists attracted to ADHD folk? Do you have any ideas or strategies that have worked for your to bring yourself back to a more normal state?
Thanks in advance for your responses
Edit: I wanted to ad as well that she's a transgender woman and I had a crush on her since I was a teenager (she's kinda popular on social media in my country) she actually made me realize that I liked trans girls and somehow we bumped into each other again now that I'm an adult but now I'm having these thoughts that I might not find someone that understands me and she made me feel like an outcast again, I introduced her to my family and made it clear that I fell in love of her goofy moments in privacy and her eyes it was never a sexual thing like really was pure but now I'm totally shattered I've been drinking every weekend in order to catch some sleep and it's scaring me a lot
As a Latin American it is so surreal to see American politicians behave the same way as their counterparts in countries like Nicaragua and Venezuela, hopefully things are not going to go down this route
