lazyneet @ lazyneet @programming.dev

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4

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131

Joined

2 yr. ago

Internalized homophobia and pursuit of relationships with "mommy" types

I'm not good at it actually. If I push my voicebox up in my throat I can produce the right sounds, but when I take my hand away it tends to drop

It sounds like things are going extremely well for you. I'm glad ☺️

13 months on HRT and I haven't made a list, but I'll try.

• I am more appealing to other trans and trans-adjacent people of all stripes
• Breasts, nicer skin, etc.
• I feel calmer and rarely get angry
• I was called ma'am by a Subway employee
• I can take cis-passing selfies
• I'm much better at empathizing with women's issues
• I've almost finished my BA and have worked with transmen on a couple of projects, and they seemed to be comfortable with me
• I now look good in clothes I wouldn't wear before
• I now understand more of the biomechanics of speech and can manage a girl voice with a little effort

I've been meaning to get to the bottom of a lot of this stuff, so thanks for your insight. I feel safe using a prescription vial for 2 months, assuming an increasing contamination risk with repeated draws. A narrower needle can indeed draw from a cored vial, but I'd at least use 2 of those since the vial blunts the tip enough for me to feel it. (Dropped my draw needle once and had to do without.)

With DIY vials, are we talking estradiol valerate? There are other estrogens, but I've found what I'm on to be quite effective. I'm also not sure if it's safe to discuss the details here after hearing about some drama in 2024 due to the usual bs.

I am not a medical professional.

If you want to DIY, get some syringes and needles (large gauge for draw, like 18g, narrow gauge for injection, like 23g). Investigate recommended monotherapy doses for what you've got. WPATH documents can be helpful. Get blood draws after the first 3 months for testosterone and whatever you've got (let's say estradiol) to make sure your levels are in the recommended ranges, and adjust dosage accordingly. (edit: In case I have to clarify, do not draw your own blood.)

If you're more cautious, as I am, set up an appointment with a doctor or a facility that does gender-affirming care, which will depend on what country you live in. I seriously considered DIY, but I eventually found out about the informed consent process, which is applicable in the US. Without that, your country may require counseling for some period of time before your counselor or doctor refers you.

I have found in-person groups in towns of 50k. There are plenty of conservatives where I live, but the dominionist Christian nationalist 20% or whatever of the country that wants us dead isn't here.

Online has been harder because of the amount of gatekeeping, especially with groups that use Zoom and Discord and target specific gender identities. The less-gatekeepy spaces are usually focused on a secondary interest like software development. (I guess because general terms like queer and LGBT don't narrow it down enough? Or maybe because general spaces are too political or spammy or something?)

The communities I've been in, both in-person and online, have not been exclusive to trans people. I'm fortunate to not have as much trauma with men as you have, but I'm also masculine-looking after 1 year of HRT and still have a facial hair issue. I get called "sir" a lot outside of explicitly queer spaces. Taking all that into consideration, I can't avoid men on the basis of gender because I'll seem hypocritical. (I'm also sexually attracted to men, so that does change the dynamic a lot, but recent trauma with an amab agender partner has me convinced that I need a break from dating testosterone-dominant people. Right now I just treat them professionally and don't interact beyond the level of acquaintanceship.)

Hmm, a "scrollable tiling Wayland compositor". Sounds like Linux's answer to the iPod clickwheel. I feel like a spatial organization system might be more intuitive with omnidirectional or 3D scroll.

hehe thank you :3

I too feel financial instability. I feel perpetually trapped and unable to leave. It's as real as anything else, and if you feel those things it may be because you're a step away from spiralling into a deeper level of hell. My most recent partner had a nervous breakdown so bad that they got 2 eviction notices for 2 separate incidents and then tried to kill me. Stay safe and take care of your wellbeing above all else.

I've tried at-home IPL and professional electrolysis.

• IPL is like weak laser treatment. 6 months of it will reduce some of the dark hairs but not all.
• Pro electrolysis works but it gets expensive because of the large number of hairs.

I too am curious about hair removal options as I'm still shaving my face once or twice daily.

I'm so sorry, kid. Your story brought tears to my eyes and had a deeper impact than anything I've read in a month. I have some encouraging words fwiw.

• I had a warehouse job very briefly, and from what I saw it shouldn't significantly alter your body, but it does wear you out.
• I didn't go back to college until I was 30 and I didn't start HRT until I was 31. I wish I had done those things sooner, but you have time.
• Redneck assholes usually can't be persuaded, but if you share your story there are bound to be people in your local area who feel for you.

I have yet to find a name, but I'm considering feminine or androgynous variants of my birth name that sound vaguely Japanese. I ran them by my ex and he had no thoughts, so I guess I only selected options that sound normal for a millennial.

Congratulations! I guess I'll have this to look forward to if and when I pass. I've already experienced bad situations with people who know perfectly well I'm trans, and this is why my next partner will not be a man.

Neat! Have you encountered any issues with libre nvidia drivers when setting this up?

Your whole room is beautiful

:3

Right-click on a layer, Add Layer Mask -> Transfer layer's alpha channel, then you can make the NSFW parts transparent.

Everything is great except the gimp mask

Always looked like crap, always will

I've got a lot on my plate right now, so I'm afraid I'm just here as an observer for the moment.