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kriz @ kriz @slrpnk.net
Posts
38
Comments
165
Joined
2 yr. ago

Reverse Holidays

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  • I like it. But the gifts should be wrapped in human flesh for maximum horror.

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Put your family on a subscription plan this Christmas
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Email grandmothers for constant cash flow

    Israel to review reports that troops killed three-year-old in Gaza

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  • It should not be reported that Israel is reviewing this. They always just say they are going to review something to get a headline like this. Israel approves of its massacres.

    • TIL how tall buildings are

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  • This makes thebuildings more impressive to me

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SPLT: You can also put a chip reader on your pocket and casually bump into people.

    SLPT: Google how to do a different crime every single day. That way if you do commit a crime later in life, your search history won't give you away.

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  • Ok google a crime every day AND get a job where you get covered in DNA. Barber yes but also Sewer Cleaner, Pornstar, Body Mopper....

    • SLPT: Google how to do a different crime every single day. That way if you do commit a crime later in life, your search history won't give you away.

    Jump

  • "Your honor my client is interested in all kinds of crimes, this has no bearing on this case"

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Google how to do a different crime every single day. That way if you do commit a crime later in life, your search history won't give you away.

    There's an Iron Man, why not a Calcium Man and Vitamin Man?

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  • Does Calcium Man show up to help your teeth or to take your teeth?

    • Have you ever played an actually fun educational game?

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  • A pirate has stolen all of your gold and run into the cave!

    -chase pirate

    There is no pirate here

    -follow pirate

    There is no pirate here

    -run into cave

    I don't understand that command

    -go in cave

    I don't understand that command

    -walk to cave

    I don't understand that command

    -enter cave

    I don't understand that command

    turns off game

    • An unexpected punch

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  • He's ready for the ring!

    • Political commentators should avoid open, outdoor venues, law enforcement expert says

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  • Wow galaxy brain expert!

    • me_irl

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  • Like 3 frames later his head falls off, which makes the post funnier for me

    • Give me a ten-word poem?

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  • Crushing reality, Hurtling towards destruction. I need to do more.

    • Homeowner shoots, kills 2 men in ski masks claiming to be officers, HPD says

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  • Need you over at Shitty Life Pro Tips!

    • How Did Hunger Get So Much Worse in Gaza?

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  • Hmm I wonder how it happened? Oh well guess it's just natural causes.

    • The Secret to Hibernation Is Hidden in Human DNA and We Might One Day Activate It

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  • Yeah I feel like I've already activated this

    • China has become key enabler of Russia's aggression against Ukraine, U.S. envoy at United Nations says

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  • Wow interesting that the US representative can dig around in the supply chain to find materials China sells that Russia might make into weapons.

    Meanwhile Israel's far worse crimes are given diplomatic cover of threats and vetos, the US sells them all their war planes, tanks, guns, and bombs. They give them access to intelligence information, technology, and prop up their entire economy and state with billions in aid.

    • Rvle

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  • The worst part is that nearly half this country thinks it didn't happen

    • SLPT: Do all your criminal planning while swimming. Less chance of wires or electronic surveillance.

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  • Things might get too hot in the sauna. I guess. Yeah you're right I forgot about the sauna.

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Do all your criminal planning while swimming. Less chance of wires or electronic surveillance.

    Permanently Deleted

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    • What do I do in this position?

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  • Sacrifice a few bread crumbs early to improve your position

    • June 14- Lest we forget

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  • I don't get the point of trying to start a national trend of calling Trump a chicken. Are you trying to goad him into following through with the worst of his plans? I'm glad whenever he chickens out I want him to chicken out MORE, not less.

    • Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Cover your hands with glue and let it dry. You now have the rough hands of a working man.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: If you are up too late, move your bed to the western most part of your house or apartment.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: If you buy a new clock or appliance, wait until noon to plug it in so you don't have to bother setting the time.
    Science Memes @mander.xyz
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    Feces is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Floss can be rinsed and used again, just like your toothbrush
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Glue a dead wasp to your hand to allow you hit your boss as hard as you want.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: The name "Super Bowl" is taken, but "Super Plate", "Super Mug", "Super Fork", and "Super Carafe" are all still available to be monetized.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Instead of making a big mess ripping out each page you have read of a book, just cross each page out with a marker.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: If you struggle to understand the lyrics to a song, most likely it's just about heroin.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Any cash money given to you when you work a cash register is your money! It was handed over to you! You get to decide how much to keep and how much to give to the business.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Need some space? You can yell "Get off my property!" from just about anywhere. Few people ever actually check the paperwork to prove it.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Save your burned out light bulbs. Next time you stay at an AirB&B, switch them out for working ones.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: It's pretty easy to just follow an Amazon delivery van around and get free packages. Make a quick blue vest if you feel nervous to deflect suspicion.
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Wearing a shirt that says "For entertainment purposes only" in large letters could get you out of legal trouble for your actions
    Shitty Life Pro Tip @lemmy.world
    kriz @slrpnk.net

    SLPT: Not happy with your living situation? It could be a lot worse. If you were on Mars you wouldn't even have enough oxygen to breathe! Venus would crush and boil you!