It’s insane that your parents test your blood for estrogen, that feels abusive and like something that should be illegal.
its a part of the blood test that i do for vitamin d regularly so i dont get a severe deficiency. T and E were both tested last time on request of my parents to know if maybe something was wrong with my hormone levels to cause my transness. turned out to be false of course. no idea if it will be tested again but i consider it a 50/50 chance.
EDIT: I’m not a lawyer, but searching around I found that at your age you can probably legally reject the blood test, see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mature_minor_doctrine
this is only a thing in the US and i am in germany also it would be super suspicious to my parents
And so I don’t ask people to call me Amber, she/her, because I don’t feel like I deserve it. Once I’m over there, then I’ll ask. Once I malefail.
I do the same, and it is corroding me very significantly.
can confirm, especially the eating me alive part. plus i have controlling parents to the point where i have had to buy HRT illegally and am not even able to take it until the next parent-controlled blood test is done. luckily i wont have another one of those again since ill be turning 18 before that. also im kiiind of worrying about how i will hide how much money i spent on the HRT (which i had to do using shady gift-card-to-crypto exchanges because my bank accounts are monitored :| )
(i read all of this but do not have any comments except for on one part)
I am also doing monotherapy as that is the only option I have. I do DIY-HRT and none of the sellers i have access to sell anything but estradiol anyway, so this is an easy choice.
FYI, I will be going on Estradiol Enanthate. I'm still not 100% sure when it comes to how I'll be dosing things, and I cannot start yet because I have a parent-controlled blood test scheduled for a month from now (the last one before I turn 18). I do already have all the injection supplies and the estradiol itself though!
If you were looking for support in your friend and they ended up hurting your feelings, you could try to express that to them. That you were seeking validation and help from them but their behaviour/answer wasn’t what you expected from them made you feel rejected.
I have, and they didn't take it super well. I also don't think I can currently deal with the mental distress of interacting with them further.
Or, id you think they’ll be confrontational and want to avoid that, you can also write a diary of your feelings.
I've been writing a detailed diary for over a year now :P
The thing is, thinking that way actually impedes your ability to pass. Passing is not a product of any individual thing but many things, and how people perceive and respond to you depends on lots of factors many of them do not do with physiological gender signifiers. I spent years denying myself everything I ever wanted. I wore loose baggy clothes, I didn’t try with my skincare or haircare, I would obsess about the way people perceived me and tear myself apart in the mirror over every little detail. I was making myself miserable, and holding myself back and being so obviously insecure about these things actually made me less likely to pass. Fully embracing my style and showcasing my curves and my skin has made a massive difference in the likelihood of me passing. I rarely do not pass anymore.
look at you literally describing me!
It’s okay if you can’t today, or if you still want to wait.
is it? i feel two conflicting things:
- if i start now i have a higher chance of being happy
- if i wait i will be more secure and sure that this is right and have a higher chance of being happy
I believe there are, but even there I'd be too scared to go / come out. (Honestly considering I have had a 75% rejection rate, including another trans person, this isn't too surprising.)
Dysphoria is not what makes someone transgender!
Yeah I know. I've already cut off ties with that friend mostly.
CW: rest of this message is infused with my brain worms around passing
Many transfem people do not pass. [...] You don’t owe it to anyone to look a certain way before you can be yourself.
I'd actually rather live with dysphoria forever and simply be dissociated and self-hating the whole time. Not because I don't think I'd be a "real woman", but because if I can't for the most part look like a cis woman, I'm STILL going to have the dysphoria, but then I'm also going to have to deal with people telling me I'm an abomination - it'd only make things worse because it would just add to the existing pain.
Then again there is basically no way for HRT to make me look worse, and I already look so fem that if I was actually trying I could probably already pass.
Going to queer events and making new friends would be a great way to expand your support network. Depending on the size of your town, you’re probably going to run into the same people pretty often and you’ll get to know them over time.
Funnily enough, I have been to a queer event. Except then I just stood on the sidelines the entire time, always far enough away for nobody to notice I'm even there.
I find Linux to be MUCH easier to use. Granted, this is unusual, especially for an i3wm user, but hear me out: Although Linux has a very steep learning curve and using it seems very hard at first, this difficulty is short-lived. Getting anywhere is significantly faster and requires fewer steps, and the "simplicity" of windows quickly turns into complexity when you actually want to multitask and keep having to resize and click through dozens of windows.
Of course, I also really like the freedom of actually owning my system, and that of tinkering with all the software on it when I am annoyed at something not being how I'd like. Privacy is a nice bonus, but honestly the lesser concern since I already have none anyway by owning a phone and being too lazy to degoogle it.
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/13974203
> Hey, so I [17 MTF] have now known I'm trans for a bit over 1.5 years. Still, I have only come out to precisely 2 friends and my parents, even though I am a member of several groups that are trans-supportive. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to that. > > Some reasons that I believe are part of why: (CW transphobia included) > - My parents didn't take it super well and are kind of on the edge between transphobic and supportive. (They have a lot of transphobic views but are generally not malicious about it and try to use gender neutral terms for me most of the time.) > - One of the friends turned out to be quite transmed despite being trans herself, and has invalidated me on several occasions for not having enough dysphoria at the time. > - I'm scared other people won't take it super well and I have no functioning support network. > - I'm scared I'll be seen as some kind of abomination > - I don't really feel like I "deserve" to come out since I haven't started HRT yet (and my parents do not support me starting, so I have to do this in secret) and don't feel like I pass well enough. I know I don't need to, but telling my anxiety any of that has no effect > > This anxiety is absolutely crippling my progress. It extends not only to coming out but also leaves me too scared to even make an attempt to pass. I look pretty fem already and have sufficient voice training for most situations, but I don't even attempt to use that voice in public just in case it might slip. For this reason, everyone assumes I'm male very quickly upon me saying anything, which also leads to the anxiety worsening because now I'm also scared it was the looks and not the voice. > > Additionally, I am non-confrontational to the point of fawning a LOT, which means I end up trying to appease anyone I have a conversation with even when there is no reason to. If someone criticizes the way my walls are painted for example, I will always agree with them to at least some extent, even if I actually like the way the walls are. This also makes coming out super hard because there is absolutely no way I will stand up for myself if someone reacts negatively. And that'll of course validate them in their negativity. > > As I've said, I have multiple groups that I know to be trans-supportive. But there, I am afraid coming out might still lead to disapproval due to me "not passing enough". (Once again, I know this is a harmful way to think, but that's what I'm here to fix.) > > I'm on a waiting list for a therapist, although I don't know how trans-supportive they are. I'm primarily there to help fix the anxiety and possibly get the autism I suspect to have diagnosed. I do hope they're good with trans stuff too, but it's not a requirement as I've already sorted the medical things out with slightly less-than-legal options. > > So, my question is: Do you have any tips on how to reduce this anxiety and expand my support network by coming out in more places? >
Hey, so I [17 MTF] have now known I'm trans for a bit over 1.5 years. Still, I have only come out to precisely 2 friends and my parents, even though I am a member of several groups that are trans-supportive. I have extreme anxiety when it comes to that.
Some reasons that I believe are part of why: (CW transphobia included)
- My parents didn't take it super well and are kind of on the edge between transphobic and supportive. (They have a lot of transphobic views but are generally not malicious about it and try to use gender neutral terms for me most of the time.)
- One of the friends turned out to be quite transmed despite being trans herself, and has invalidated me on several occasions for not having enough dysphoria at the time.
- I'm scared other people won't take it super well and I have no functioning support network.
- I'm scared I'll be seen as some kind of abomination
- I don't really feel like I "deserve" to come out since I haven't started HRT yet (and my parents do not support me starting, so I have to do this in secret) and don't feel like I pass well enough. I know I don't need to, but telling my anxiety any of that has no effect
This anxiety is absolutely crippling my progress. It extends not only to coming out but also leaves me too scared to even make an attempt to pass. I look pretty fem already and have sufficient voice training for most situations, but I don't even attempt to use that voice in public just in case it might slip. For this reason, everyone assumes I'm male very quickly upon me saying anything, which also leads to the anxiety worsening because now I'm also scared it was the looks and not the voice.
Additionally, I am non-confrontational to the point of fawning a LOT, which means I end up trying to appease anyone I have a conversation with even when there is no reason to. If someone criticizes the way my walls are painted for example, I will always agree with them to at least some extent, even if I actually like the way the walls are. This also makes coming out super hard because there is absolutely no way I will stand up for myself if someone reacts negatively. And that'll of course validate them in their negativity.
As I've said, I have multiple groups that I know to be trans-supportive. But there, I am afraid coming out might still lead to disapproval due to me "not passing enough". (Once again, I know this is a harmful way to think, but that's what I'm here to fix.)
I'm on a waiting list for a therapist, although I don't know how trans-supportive they are. I'm primarily there to help fix the anxiety and possibly get the autism I suspect to have diagnosed. I do hope they're good with trans stuff too, but it's not a requirement as I've already sorted the medical things out with slightly less-than-legal options.
So, my question is: Do you have any tips on how to reduce this anxiety and expand my support network by coming out in more places?
Best of luck in the future, and may this community not tear itself apart!
In diesem Kommentar wurde das Deutsch vergessen.
Hier, ich werde das mal richtigstellen:
RegAus sind halt einfach ultra ätzend zu entkäfern.
Dieser regulärer Ausdruck ist inkorrekt. Er trifft nicht auf "Kollegen" zu, aber dafür auf Kollegeinnen, was meines Wissens nach nicht korrekt ist (korrigiert mich gerne).
Der korrekte reguläre Ausdruck wäre entweder für alle Endungen folgendes:
/^(Sehr geehrte|Liebe)( Kolleg[a-zäöü\*]+|s Kollegium)$/gim
Oder die Sternchenvariante:
/^(Sehr geehrte|Liebe)( Kolleg(en|innen|\*innen)|s Kollegium)$/gim
Der trifft zu auf:
- Sehr geehrte Kolleg*innen
- Sehr geehrte Kollegen
- Sehr geehrte Kolleginnen
- Sehr geehrtes Kollegium und das gleiche mit "Liebe" statt "Sehr geehrte".