I'd also been in a relationship for almost 9 years (ended a few months ago) so this is all brand new to me. The apps are a whole other kettle of fish, if you've seen me in previous megathreads you've probably seen me complaining about them lol. Though they are ofc related and I think feed into the transactional and dehumanizing aspects of hook up culture. But yeah I wish there was more space for men to feel this way about it. But hey it's just one small facet of how patriarchy & gender norms hurt us all.
Doing some soul searching and I'm having a lot of complicated feelings lately about hookup culture and casual sex, honestly I think it could make for a good full on post in menby but I like my comfy low commit megathread shitposts.
Spoiler tag for readability
spoiler
But like...I'm starting to think maybe I'm just not built for casual sex/casual intimacy? Which as a man feels like it's taboo to admit, like you're made by patriarchy to feel weak or feminine for it (I'm personally totally cool with my femme/androgynous side but you know what I mean). Idk, my recent experience maybe isn't representative - I hooked up with my friend and went in with strong feelings, and the boundaries were kind of confused inherently (claimed she wanted something strictly light/transactional after the fact knowing I had deeper feels, but then acted in a way that felt very intimate and romantic). It's possible I could enjoy it in a situation where the terms are more clear. I also don't want to extrapolate too too much from one exp or demonize my (now former 
) friend because also like people are fucked up and are allowed to have mixed feelings and cognitive dissonance about what they want and idt there's a bad guy or anything.
But I also feel a deeper critique brewing that goes beyond my personal preferences. There's a version of casual hookups that I think can be done ethically (where people are very explicitly clear about their terms) but under capitalism where we're so heavily encouraged to treat people transactionally, I feel like maybe there's a lot of inherent latitude to navigate people's feelings carelessly in order to get what you want while not doing anything "wrong" on paper. And ofc under patriarchy men are conditioned to boundary push/cross consent lines and that's a much bigger and more fucked up and destructive problem. Idk, I feel like there's been an overcorrection in the (correct) rejection of puritan bullshit toward a belief that we're all supposed to feel like this stuff is light and risk/consequence free in more progressive circles when in truth it really isn't always that way. Or like...under capitalism sexual liberation is always going to be warped in unhealthy directions (sorta like liberal/capitalist co-option of any kind of liberation movement).
Maybe I'm just sad and making a bigger point out of it than I need to though, idk. Idk comrades. I just d k.....
Thanks comrade. Yeah I think you're right and I'm probably just giving myself a complex out of guilt/overthinking the whole situation.
I think u might be spitting on this one thank u comrade president π I'll definitely take this into consideration
Tbh I should probably join an org but idk what the "least bad" one is in the US. The American left obviously fucking sucks (me most of all) but that's no excuse not to try to help where I can I guess...
Edit: we don't ontologically suck ofc or like suck as individual people but u know we just suck because of the material conditions of the US, nobodies fault & realized original post seemed a bit 2 negative and I am trying to have better vibes
Hobbies aren't giving me pleasure lately. Well, that's not entirely true - journaling, very slowly starting to try to creative write again, and music are OK. Movies, TV, vidya, reading all suck ass right now though and aren't at all enjoyable - it's like I'm engaging the media with numbing gel on my brain or something. I think with my recent mini-divorce I crave togetherness with others at the moment more than self-directed activities. Which then ofc circles back to how fucking atomized we are. Friends are great but they're not reliable. The workplace and bars are two of the only spaces of collective anything, and both are super obviously problematic. Parks are nice but people mostly go there to do their own thing.
Idk, comrades. This spiritual emptiness shit bites.
comrades I have a bit of a dilemma...I have a cat who is extremely, unusually needy. Like won't stop crawling all over you and nuzzling you and stuff even if you give her affection - she just always pushes for more. Since me and my partner split up I really really feel like I'm not giving this cat what she needs. I've been trying to be more social and not be in my apartment terribly often at all, and when I am home I really just want solitude (she's not the kind of cat who you can just passively give affection to, it's always gonna be an active effort that costs emotional energy so I can't really just chill with her while I'm focused on doing something else).
I've had her for 8 years and I do love her but this is the first time she's only had one person taking care of her and I don't feel up to the task. Should I like...try to find a new home for her? Like I'm still keeping her alive and healthy ofc but I really don't think she's terribly happy with me as a solo caretaker.
my favorite medicine for bad feelings is finding a way to put some kindness out
My sister in Marx that's incredibly sweet & u are a real one for this 
I should make this my go-to as well
One wolf is trying to be a more openly loving and vulnerable individual, the other's core mantra is "I am the Beast I Worship"
Fuckin love Burial, homie. I'll definitely check out some of the other suggestions! I've also fucked with Max Richter a bit thru his movie/tv soundtracks so I'll peep his non-media-attached work as well.
Gotta branch out with my music taste...but I am notoriously narrow/choosy. Still, I don't want to play 
out. Open to recommendations in the realms of alternative/underground hip hop, industrial noise music/ambient electronic, maybe just a little seasoning of sad indie (I love Neutral Milk Hotel for example). Some flavors of more experimental alternative rock I can fuck with too (longtime Radiohead guy).
samesies. it's one of the reasons why we gotta build a better world, or at least try to do our part in what limited way we can as individuals. (Says the terminally online guy who does hardly any praxis at all...)
Lol yeah I only learned it recently, I just kinda instinctively knew I might enjoy rocking a more subdued goth look better suited to a 30-something for a while and that seemed the closest label for it
While I still think the apps are inherently problematic (at least in their current forms under this current system), I respect you sticking to a more authentic approach and finding value in them through that. And yeah I've tried a few different cover photos, still hardly any matches.
my eternal truth as well comrade
With spooky season approaching....is it time to start pulling the trigger on the adult/corporate goth look of my dreams??? I've never fashioned before....maybe a couple rings and a nice blazer or two wld be a good place to start? 
I've already got the all black thing down most days.
But are also ruthlessly and systematically denied to us by late capitalism
DAE love and togetherness are basically the only things that matter???
