SoylentSnake [he/him, comrade/them] @ SoylentSnake @hexbear.net

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Joined

5 yr. ago

Ugh I hate how right I know you are. And what you said about never having a relationship again rather than using these cursed objects does put things in perspective for me. Honestly my in-person connection game is historically decently strong so there's a big part of me that's just like eh fuck it, I'm gonna carve my own path and throw these dehumanizing piece of trash apps in the trash.

But on the other hand, atomization - there's vanishingly small numbers of places to even make organic connections (this ofc goes beyond romance and sex as well). And idk, people seem less open nowadays to letting a friendship organically grow into something more? Which yeah is typically where I've had the most luck and are the relationships that have felt nicest and the least forced. Though this also carries risk because the friendship can be fucked if things don't work out (something I am very painfully dealing with now).

Yeah this seems to be true. The problem is that so many of these profiles seem to be people I would actively not enjoy spending time with lmao so the incentive to always be swiping right is limited. But who knows, they could be nice people just trying to play the same game I am in a way that I personally find offputting.

Okay so I absolutely hate the apps - I think they're an utterly satanic totem to how thoroughly atomization/the Demiurge has won. However if they're a borderline necessity for meeting people/getting laid nowadays, anyone more knowledgeable than me got the lowdown on how to ruthlessly game the numbers as a dude who dates women and femme-presenting people? The vibe I get is that this is the only way to make them work for you in this demographic because of the demographic skew.

(Plz don't take this as a "wah wah poor me I'm a widdle put upon man" post I realize women have a whole other set of issues on these things which are overall worse i.e. fending off predators & creeps)

That viscerally disgusts me lmfao

On the plus side: spooky season is nearing

(I consider it to start in early-mid September)

This reads like Elliot from Mr Robot if he actually read theory (in a good way lol)

Love when "dirtbag left" heads guest on Deprogram it's like my two friend groups coming together

Felt. It's an important tool for a lot of people but it ignores the material realities that fuck with our ability to feel mentally healthy and good, not to mention the fundamental existential angst to being alive that'll never be fully healed. Also completely ignores the barriers of access to it (like no one takes my insurance and I have no out of network benefits, for example - if not for that I absolutely would be in therapy)

"I can feel my lungs vibrating"

But bro feeling my lungs vibrating is the only way for me to feel aLIVE rn (nah I should definitely do this though, better to adjust to a less immediately pleasurable norm than to do permanent damage to myself)

Gotta stop listening to music so loud. It's been really cathartic for me during a tough period but I think it's starting to damage my hearing. Why do I have such a hard time not doing shit that's bad for me? (This and drinking come to mind lol)

I switched to Apple music from Spotify so that I could listen to shit I own more easily and lmao how do I change album art? No Love Deep Web is showing the original uncensored album art (it's just a full on dick) and uh I don't want to get in trouble at work

Why do I find it so much harder to immerse myself in media than I used to? Whenever I watch or read things it's always at more of a distance now. Maybe it's just that I'm aging and this is part of it. Also a lot of the content is getting worse but this even applies to good stuff.

Does make me appreciate it more when I find stuff that hits me though I suppose. Sympathy for Mr Vengeance went incredibly hard and I loved rewatching True Detective high a couple years ago. And Berserk Golden Age arc is still a gutpunch.

right back at ya <3

Thank you

Nah actually it's worse than nothing, just an ugly hole in my life and source of constant anxiety because I have to see this person every single day.

Final update on my stupid recent love life saga: sent my crush/friend an olive branch after a terrible conversation last week and she agrees it's for the best that we not be friends. My favorite friendship that I've had in years, even though we didn't know each other that long. Maybe it was partly projection on my part but it didn't feel that way. Now it's just nothing at all. Why do we bother trying to connect with people if it can feel this horrible, comrades.

I think we all do, comrade

God I fucking hate being an atomized subject. I have a decent handful of close friends but they're all so scattered and segmented into their own cells that it's just not enough - we only see each other so often and it's still just in its own bubble that doesn't equal an actual sense of community. I'd befriended all of my colleagues for a while but those friendships have kind of segmented and/or fallen apart for various reasons so its back to pure isolation and alienation now. Being single also definitely makes it more acute, though it could be pretty lonely with my ex partner as well and it was still the right move to end things. Idk we just designed human society wrong, we could have had something so much more beautiful and real but we're stuck as fucking pod people because of the stupid cosmic horror that is capitalism.

I'm recommitting to my volcel oath

When I first listened to Have a Sad Cum BB I was a bit perplexed because I was thinkin wait there are other kinds?