When an artifact of unknown origin knocks out the entire crew, one underwear-clad Commander Tucker remains conscious in the decon chamber. But when the criminals come aboard with their heist carts and Santa sacks, Captain Archer plays their hierarchy to his advantage while Trip tries to yes and. Where could paper-based old person games help tell this story? What’s the turkey of Enterprise? Who has the thirstiest website? It’s the episode with a very disorganized pile of women.

When nobody invited Ben and Adam to program a film festival, they decide to go rouge and put one together themselves. But after Ridley Scott’s sci-fi classic almost gave them both a seizure, they’re more prepared to see the franchise’s latest release at the theater. What isn’t practical to bring aboard the Nostromo? Who can sit with both jocks and nerds in the lunchroom? How does Robert Altman’s Alien differ? It’s the episode that gets value for its mucus!

When the Entrepreneur happens upon a rogue planet, they bring their night-vision monocles down to the surface and find their dad’s friend’s campsite. But when Captain Archer meets a super hot wraith who needs saving in the jungle, leveling the hunting field becomes his top priority. What technology should be available to us in 2024? How do you get Drayjin meat to fall off the bone? Which type of ball kick is the most satisfying? It’s the episode that definitely lives up to its title.

When Commander Adama gets pissed at the President, their game of civilization chicken spurs a mutiny in the fleet. But while Starbuck’s side quest reveals exactly who is pregnant, the rest of season one’s interesting questions remain mostly unanswered. What type of fuel do Raptors use? When should you throw away a toaster? Who had the weirdest day? It’s the episode that‘s a little too incurious.

When the Entrepreneur gets a hail from some unusual Vulcans, Captain Archer invites them aboard for some chicken marsala. But when T’Pol gets curious about their walk-and-chew-gum-at-the-same-time philosophy, a very hard sell from Tolaris lands her in sicksbay. Who wants to shoot ropes in Ben’s childhood bedroom? Is there a diet Riker among the crew? What does a trackball say about a work station? It’s the episode where Robert Pine didn’t stick around for a moral reckoning.

When Boomer stumbles on an inhabitable planet, President Roslin’s hyper-religious pivot starts raising eyebrows on the Audrey 2. But while Dr. Baltar encourages Boomer to take herself out, Starbuck hatches a plan to blow up the damn basestar. Who was giving long shrift at STLV?  How good could a Mission Log party be? Where are all the song sequels? It’s the episode that identifies the second dumbest genius ever.

When Tucker and Reed return from an away mission to find wreckage from the NX-01, their busted shuttlepod systems leave them stranded with just a few days of air. But when facing their mortality in different ways leads to very un-immaculate vibes, getting drunk and blowing up their engine are two of the three things they can agree on. What do power strips next to the bed indicate? Where’s the bathroom on the shuttlepod? Which of these two drunks is also a Shimoda? It’s the episode with a pink lipstick problem.

When the Quorum of Twelve doesn’t stick to President Roslin’s meeting agenda, she pulls Dr. Baltar close in order to keep Tom Zarek away. But when a mystery man gets interrogated after bringing a ceramic gun to Rex Manning Day, his death in custody raises questions about about the Tigh’s luxury getaway. Who is not represented at podshop.biz? What does Star Trek Prodigy deserve? Which part of anarchy is kind of neat? It’s the episode that has reached the halfway point!

When T’Pol takes the fall for the Andorians attacking P’Jem, Captain Archer’s final attempt at a hang gets them both kidnapped by rebels. But when the crew’s rescue mission gets Tucker and Reed jumped too, Shran’s sense of indebtedness pays out double for the Entrepreneur. What heightens the urgency of being tied up with a colleague? Which food prep is best left to the professionals? How do you save money on a casket? It’s the episode that rockets Worf to the middle.

When the Audrey 2’s low-fuel light comes on, the fleet sends out Raptors to search for tylium ore. But when they find a Cylon base in the way of their objective, Starbuck learns how to delegate so Apollo can carefully blow up the damn refinery. Does Assistant Cousin Greg have a last name? Who has the reddest shirt on Battlestar Galactica? What’s one good thing about Elosha’s job? It’s the episode that’s going full barn!

When the Entrepreneur finds an alien ship sinking into a gas giant,  the away team gets trapped in its gravity well due mostly to Captain Archer’s general thirstiness. But when his white knight routine doesn’t work out (again), finally doing his Klingon homework gives him the upper hand. Which is the only black void on the NX-01? What gets Porthos off? Where are all the brass instruments? It’s the episode that’s misophones vs. everybody.

When Dr. Baltar finally produces his Cylon detector, suspicion at the top delays the first set of test results. But when a surprise reunion pushes Colonel Tigh off the wagon, an unexpected new element sours the comedy broth. What’s not very practical aboard the Audrey 2? Does this story propose a new reason to keep #datgap? Has Ben reached his Baltar saturation point? It’s the episode that’s not kink shaming anyone.

When the Entrepreneur hails a ship that doesn’t respond, Captain Archer decides to grab the sickly aliens aboard and bring them back for treatment. But when the cure for their genetic malaise creates an ethical dilemma, Dr. Phlox has his first professional disagreement with Captain Archer. How do you get a Doctor into your social circle? What’s not a good reason to get into a relationship? Who was on vacation during this production? It’s the episode without any writhing, legions, or pustules.

When the fleet catches a Leoben on the Gemenon Traveler, Starbuck gets assigned to interrogate him with an extremely specific bucket. But after President Roslin wakes up wet from one too many NyQil dreams, she hears Leoben out before returning to Commander Adama’s position. What doesn’t belong on a postage stamp? Where did H.R. Giger get all his ideas? Who definitely deserves a swirly? It’s the episode that’s fucking with us like the Cylons are fucking with humans.

When Captain Archer tries to hail a mysterious alien ship, it leaves without hitting triangle on the Entrepreneur. But when it returns for a noisy scan that leaves the ship stranded, Archer starts to have some doubts about space exploration without key weps. What are Yuban coffee cans good for? Does Ben have a favorite order at any given restaurant? Who always reads the room? It’s the episode that identifies and then destroys the most pleasing shape in science fiction!

When a Number Six shows up on Audrey 2, she provides Dr. Amarak’s prescribed evidence that Dr. Baltar blew up the defense mainframe. But when Lieutenant Gaeta gets assigned to Project Magnify and Enhance, a desperate conversion to monotheism starts Gaius on both a redemption arc and a new method of Cylon detection. How does Boxey like his PB&J sandwiches? What has Grace Park never had on this show? Which unnerving reality still exists in bathrooms of the future? It’s the episode that imagines even more octagonal possibilities.

When the Entrepreneur stops to ‘sup some aliens at a stellar nursery, one of the guests they invite aboard knows exactly how to save them from destruction. But when crew member Daniels claims to be from the future, Captain Archer has to decide which time traveler to trust. Why would a person bring two things to a party? What’s the wrong order of beers for a power hour? Who is smarter than Captain Archer? It’s the episode with multiple Star Trek Discovery spoilers!

When a Doral sneaks aboard the Audrey 2, he sets off a public-relations bomb that gives Sergeant Hadrian a free hand. But even though the Chief and Boomer don’t have an alibi, the investigation reveals a flight deck crew that’s pretty terrible at cover-ups. What’s the latest relationship technology that FODs need to understand? Where else could Sharon have gone for a beatdown? How are Centurions different from Sentinels? It’s the episode that loves a courtroom easel!

When Starbuck goes down hard in Juarez, the Adamas risk everything on the search and rescue mission. But when she finds the Cylon raider that shot her down and hot wires it back to Galactica, Commander Adama extends the last cigar in the universe and welcomes her back into the family. How much air do you want in a spacesuit? Is there something off about Caprican Pop Tarts? Who is also named Boxey? It’s the episode that knows its cuts of meat.

When the Entrepreneur gets sent to help a freighter in distress, its acting captain is a bit of a base-model Toyota Corolla enthusiast. But when a friendly check-in from a Maritime standpoint starts seeming more suspicious, Captain Archer outlaws frontier justice and Mayweather convinces his boomer twin to release the Nausicaan hostage. What’s the most painful part of adapting to life in LA? Is Captain Ryan a Captain Josh? Which story needs the Petkoff treatment? It’s the episode with a very short Death Wish.