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[TW: dysphoria][support] Need advice on my dysphoria struggles.

Sorry in advance for the depressing thread, but I don't have anyone in my life with trans experiences and I need advice on what I'm feeling.

As much as we might wish we could waking up one morning with the body of a gorgeous k-pop idol or something, the fact is reality doesn't work that way. And this kind of thing is what I'm struggling with the most, the fact that I'm always going to struggle with body hair and masculine features.

I was on HRT for one month, and still have the relevant medications in my bathroom, but stopped. Partially due to lack of support, but mostly due to self-doubt and lack of confidence that I'll ever be happy with how I look. I just couldn't see the woman inside coming out.

I kept asking myself: what would be worse? Constantly wishing I could successfully transition, or transitioning and having to live with never being able to pass? This became additionally concerning with the uptick in abuse against trans people.

Part of me feels guilty for stopping and falling back on the safe suffering I already know, and a part of me feels guilty for giving up, part of me is scared of all the new things I'll have to learn if I re-start, and another part of me is concerned about how my partner would feel if I started again, I know she doesn't approve but doesn't want to say so.

For those of you who are/were larger, or taller, or older, or more hairy, how did you manage these concerns? For those of you without resources in your life to aid your transition, how did you get support?

Thank you for reading.

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We're monsters
  • For every verifiable, fact-based statistic on the internet, there are a thousand bullshit, nonsense statistics made by @froghorse

    I'm just guessing here.

  • Russia's central bank raises interest rates to 12% after the ruble plunges
  • It seems like their economy is reliant on a series of short term fixes, and as each one winds down another bigger one needs to take its place.

    12% interest is another example of this, it will improve things in the short term but has no effect on the underlying problems, meaning that in a couple of months or so something even more drastic will be needed.

  • China's fertility rate drops to record low 1.09 in 2022
  • And the rest of the developed world is going to follow close behind as long as the wealth inequality stays as ridiculously broken as it is.

  • NASA temporarily loses contact with one of its most distant spacecraft | Ars Technica
  • You say that, but some journalist said we were one million years away from flight and then something like a week later the Wright brothers conducted their first flight.

    While we may not be quite that close, it may not be as far away as you think.

  • Mitch McConnell escorted away from cameras after freezing during a news conference
  • The lizardpeople living in the sewers of NYC were performing updates, so their control signals couldn't get through...

  • Birthright citizenship is fundamental to “who we are as a nation.” So why do Republicans attack it?
  • What could be a more fundamental part of the American Dream than the "tired, poor, huddled masses" trying to give their children a better future through naturalization.

    This is just another Republican nail in the coffin of that dream, killing everything that made others envious of America while they shout more and more shrilly that America is still the best country on the planet.

  • Brands that don't buy enough Twitter ads will lose verification
  • gold checkmark identifying that the account belongs to a verified brand.

    Blue checkmark and gold checkmark are different things.

  • Google is already pushing Web Environment Integrity into Chromium
  • But a massive amount of them are. Small and solo creators on Youtube or Twitch need to conform to the rules of Google and Amazon, and even medium size creators are influenced and coerced by the precedents and market trends set by the much larger corporations.

    And it doesn't matter if not all content is provided by large corporations, those large corporations employ the most people, and dictate in a lot of ways, the rules of the employment market. It's due to their habits and practices that wages are artificially low and expenses are inflated for record profits.

    Until corporate greed is managed properly, consumers will always struggle to have enough expendable income to pay content creators, and therefore will always be searching for free content.

  • Google is already pushing Web Environment Integrity into Chromium
  • They are absolutely not separate issues. How can I be expected to shell out $15 per month for 10 different content subscriptions if I can only just afford to put food on my table?

  • Google is already pushing Web Environment Integrity into Chromium
  • Surely you can reverse that and point out corporations whining and moaning about people expecting free content when they're barely paying their employees enough to afford to pay their bills.

    The problem starts with corporate greed, hoarding revenue by keeping employee's salaries to the minimum acceptable, providing as little functionality as possible to reduce overheads, double dipping by selling a product/subscription and then selling their customer's data, and then complaining they aren't getting more money for what little they are doing.

    Then inevitably a little guy like Kbin comes along and suffers because the internet is filled with soulless, ultra-capitalist corpo scumbags.

  • What distribution is most used in production environment
  • RedHat, CentOS, Debian, Ubuntu.

    All are good choices.

  • Florida's new Black history curriculum says "slaves developed skills" that could be used for "personal benefit"
  • But the other side of that is no political accountability. There's no risk of punishment, so why should they care? Insider trading, corruption, nepotism, general lying, acting in bad faith, and intentionally misrepresenting facts to disrupt useful debate.

    Politicians get away with all of that and more, and get paid massive amounts of money, above and below the table, while they do it.

  • Florida's new Black history curriculum says "slaves developed skills" that could be used for "personal benefit"
  • It's so weird to me, what do they expect to happen to the economy of their state when their workforce has such a poor education?

  • Diablo 4 Won't Receive Another Patch Like Controversial Season 1 Update "Ever Again"
  • I think perhaps we can come to some middle ground between those two sentiments though! The nerfs were a bit heavy, but the game is still new, no one should really be so upset at major changes dropping before the start of the first season. People acting like Blizzard stole their money and slept with their mother... The game isn't even unplayable.

  • What type of game do you want to play that doesn't really exist?
  • I don't think so, the ARPG I have in mind wouldn't be open world, would have no campaign and much less focus on story overall, a much more detailed crafting system akin to Path Of Exile but perhaps less punishing, and much more focus on stacking up as many extra modifiers as possible rather than being limited, push your team to get the best rewards.

    No timegating, no daily/weekly quests you must log in for, the only limitation is your skill.

  • What type of game do you want to play that doesn't really exist?
  • I've been thinking about an ARPG based around World of Warcraft's mythic dungeons.

    Scalable, multi-player, enhanceable instances where completion of more difficult versions of the instance rewards in better gear and crafting options.

    The idea is that the content is created for a 5-man party (1 tank, 1 healer, 3 dps) but you can try solo it, or bring up to 20 people to massively increase the difficulty and the rewards. Instances would follow WoW dungeon's formula of trash mobs (which drop crafting materials and have rare drop chances for certain gear) pathing you towards a succession of bosses with very different, complex mechanics with stages, signaled abilities, and skill requirements.

    This would include a character levelling system to unlock new class abilities and mechanisms, a party finder system, certain dungeons locked behind character level and the completion of other dungeons at a certain difficulty level. Perhaps you could extend it to add in "world bosses", massive 200-man bosses with a chance at particularly unique loot, but of course that would require a certain level of infrastructure and a game population making it justifiable.

  • *Permanently Deleted*
  • Okay sure but who's going to fill up all the for-profit prisons and act as military gun fodder? Won't somebody please think about the military industrial complex??

  • Is now the right time to switch to Linux?
  • To provide a different perspective to everyone else, I would say that it's not the right time if you want everything to "just work".

    I tried out Ubuntu 22.04 just a couple of months ago, and only one game of the several I tried "just worked". Everything else either didn't work at all, or required hours of searching and troubleshooting and problem solving, with mixed success. And I'm not a technophobe, I'm a software developer with experience in system support.

    People keep saying there's lots of guides out there for most things, and that's true. But that doesn't necessarily mean the guide will work for you. I tried multiple "guides" to get my games working and most of them didn't help. Either they were too old, or there was a step that I couldn't complete, or I completed the guide and there was an error that isn't mentioned in the guide. Or any number of other problems.

    Regardless of what people say, it may not be as simple as "switch to Proton and install Lutris". In the end I just got frustrated with having to work so hard to get my own computer to do the things I wanted it to do, and so I reverted back to Windows and had all my software working as expected within a couple of hours.

  • Terraria + tModLoader on Ubuntu?

    Does anyone have experience getting tModLoader to run properly? When I try it with the Steam snap, using Proton, the game loads fine but when I get in to a world it goes black except for the UI.

    Other threads have a few solutions, like using the Steam linux runtime instead of Proton, and running the start-tModLoader.sh file from terminal before trying to play. But these didn't work for me.

    Does anyone know how to get it working?

    0
    New install - Help, 3 out of my 4 regularly played games aren't working!

    Spurred by the move to non-proprietary software I swapped out my Windows 11 for Ubuntu 22.04 LTS, and now 3 out of the 4 games I regularly play don't work well enough to play. I haven't checked games I only play occasionally, but I expect issues there too...

    1. Path of Exile via Steam - Works perfectly, in fact maybe slightly better than Windows
    2. Overwatch 2 via Lutris - Runs but with significant stuttering making it difficult to play
    3. Diablo 4 via Lutris - Cannot run due to "Graphics Initialization failed" error
    4. Melvor Idle via Steam - Runs but with minor stuttering and randomly breaks requiring complete re-install

    I've Googled, and tried the most common solutions to these problems (like configuring Lutris to use VKD3D v2.8, running the script that Lutris provides with Overwatch, and add D4 to Steam and run from there) but no real positive changes.

    For the most part, the rest of Ubuntu has been fine, but I don't want to be locked out of doing things I want to do on my own machine... Would appreciate any tips before I get too impatient and go back to Windows!

    Thanks in advance.

    13
    What's your Sci-Fi unpopular opinion?

    It's a slightly click-baity title, but as we're still generating more content for our magazines, this one included, why not?

    My Sci-fi unpopular opinion is that 2001: A Space Odyssey is nothing but pretentious, LSD fueled nonsense. I've tried watching it multiple times and each time I have absolutely no patience for the pointless little scenes which contain little to no depth or meaningful plot, all coalescing towards that 15 minute "journey" through space and series of hallucinations or whatever that are supposed to be deep, shake you to your foundations, and make you re-think the whole human condition.

    But it doesn't. Because it's just pretentious, LSD fueled nonsense. Planet of the Apes was released in the same year and is, on every level, a better Sci-fi movie. It offers mystery, a consistent and engaging plot, relatable characters you actually care about, and asks a lot more questions about the world and our place in it.

    It insists upon itself, Lois.

    328
    /kbin meta @kbin.social Anomandaris @kbin.social
    Are there any plans for a "shelf" to store collections of magazines? i.e. I don't want to see politics on my main feed, but if I add a bunch of political and news magazines to a politics shelf, then I

    Are there any plans for a "shelf" to store collections of magazines? i.e. I don't want to see politics on my main feed, but if I add a bunch of political and news magazines to a politics shelf, then I can go switch to that.

    \#kbinMeta

    0
    Anomandaris Anomandaris @kbin.social
    Posts 5
    Comments 91