It’s like a different language

My wife's old dutch grandma once had a sip of beer and said "it's like an angel pissing on my tongue"

Talking about how many children she had "your grandfather would throw his dirty undies at me and I'd get pregnant"

"How're we gonna fuck this pig" is my favorite. Means "how are we going to start this unpleasant task".

Fun fact: Saying it at work can net you several funny looks and more!

One I learned in the fleet was “…more fucked than a ten cent whore on a day raining dimes.”

My favourite is the (apparently) Australian saying "I'm so hungry a could eat the ass off a low flying duck"

One of my favorites:

"It's hotter out here than a fresh fucked fox in a forest fire"

My dad has a lot from growing up in a small farming community in Kansas:

“Shakin like a dog shittin prune seeds.”

“I gotta piss like a race horse.”

“So dumb you couldn’t pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the heel.”

"like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs" in reference to watching your ass.

"colder than a witches tittie in a brass bra"

And I thought my language had something unique. Turns out, saying "even from a sack full of pussies he would pull out a dick" to an unlucky person isn't that unique to us.

I have a pretty mild one that I've used all my life: "Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise." I said it once to the owner of the company I work for and he thought I meant I wouldn't do what he'd asked of me, and he got a little upset. I had to explain it meant the opposite. That I had to explain it to him didn't really ease the angst of the situation...

this is Lemmy's finest thread to date

My wife's granny in West Virginia: "I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating crackers"

I grew up 5 mins from West Virginia. The hillbillies were always saying wild shit like this lmao

"you look like 5 pounds of shit in a whore's lunchbox"

Went back home after like a decade and ran into my dad's old boss from when I was a kid. His southern drawl was pronounced and nasal like a side character in an old western, "Well I ain't seen you in a coon's age!

I was bewildered regarding shitshow at work and said, "it's like going around your butthole to get to your elbow" -- the californian and the Canadian had apparently never heard this phrase before. I realized then it was a southernism 😂

I like the Newfie sayings: "She's tighter than a squall of shit through a tin whistle"

Y'all gotta check out this artist "lilbubbychild". He creates these incredible animations of southernisms. As a lifelong southerner, I can attest that most of these have been said by someone in my life.

https://youtube.com/shorts/z9lv4UunN2k

"The Man on The Moon couldn't see that!" (Still not sure what this means) "Tighter than a fish's pussy" (Self-explanatory) "I was no more good" (I was shocked and surprised/amused) "Hand me that 'little chicken' over there, would you?" (Little Chicken replaces any and all nouns)

My favorite is when it's raining "...like a cow pissing on a flat rock."

My southern friend says "It's hotter than the hammered down hinges of hell", which I just love.

They are descended from Scots-Irish immigrants, many of whom came over as indentured servants. Of course they have poetic souls.

I also very recommend southern Italian for this. It is comical.

I once heard someone say that something was scattered "all over hell and half of Georgia". I use that all the time now.

I had a guy tell me once that his boss was so mad that was, "gonna shit down one leg and kick it off with the other." He was perplexed at my laughter.

I do like "that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon" in reference to a bad smell.

"Flatter than piss on a plate."

What exactly is wrong with those sayings? Are they racist or something?

Sex is like Chinese dinner: it ain't over 'til ya both got yer cookies.

Hornier than a three peckered billy goat.

Busier than a one legged man in a kicking contest.

Do the needful

"Smoother than hammered bat shit"

"Slicker'n two eels fuckin in a bucket of snot"

The southern simile

In the South of England if something happened fast we say "like shit off a shovel!"

You have to respect the originality of it, though.

British English has an inordinate number of slang terms for being drunk, and given the right context and intonation just about any phrase can be made to mean "drunk"

Australia has some good ones too.

Are you busy? "flat out like a lizard drinking"

Should we start? "I'm not here to fuck spiders"

"going off like a gumtree on a gas line " was a common saying in our school, but I'm not sure how wide spread that one is, referring to how damn flammable they are.

I also love that "a bees dick" is a valid unit of measurement on most construction sites.

is that good luck or bad luck?

Southern Spain is also famous for sayings like these, some that come to my mind that I've heard from some friends:

"Hungrier than a snail on a glass" "Has less fat than a goat's knee" "More leg than a box of shrimps" "This is harder than sweeping the floor upstairs"

Cajun French is just bad French, but Cajun English is wild sometimes... "Mais, gotta make the groceries, me."

When your car runs like ass: sounds like Satan spray-shitting hammers and nails into a sheet metal toilet

"Busier than a three-peckered goat

My Grandfather- "I'm hungry enough to eat the ass out of a skunk"