Researchers Dispute Claim That Ancient Whale Was Heaviest Animal Ever

A new study argues that Perucetus, an ancient whale species, was certainly big, but not as big as today’s blue whales.

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“‘The data is clear. And that data is telling us the heaviest animal to ever walk this earth still remains yo momma.”
- Oh yeah? Well yo momma so fat she got smaller fat people orbiting around her.
  
  (Wait, are we doing snaps?)
  
  Yo momma so fat, when walmart wants to lower prices they have her sit on the roof.
- Ah, that reminds me about this Day9 classic about Graham's Number.
Edit: Damnit somebody already beat me to the yo momma joke.
- I'll still laugh if you tell it to me. Go ahead.
  
  The reason the scientists were studying ancient whales in the first place is because the scientist couldn’t get your mom off his mind.
- There’s another one in there about a being an ancient whale and you let that slip too.
It's pretty amazing that as huge and awesome as creatures in the past were, probably the biggest living thing ever is alive right now.
- biggest living thing
  
  Animal.
  
  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Largest_organisms
  
  When considering singular entities, the largest organisms are clonal colonies which can spread over large areas. Pando, a clonal colony of the quaking aspen tree, is widely considered to be the largest such organism by mass.[1]
  
  probably the biggest living thing ever is alive right now.
  
  So they're technically correct.
  
  Just not in the way they meant to be.

12 comments