Your username has suddenly become your only means of staying alive. How bad is it?

No shit, Sherlock

I'm good until I run out, I guess.

Oh dear.

I dont like this game

A little slimy and unconventional but I’m up for the challenge

Finally, my time to shine.

I have no idea why situation would cause smoking weed and having sex with sharks to be a matter of life and death but I'm incredibly curious to find out

Pretty sure my time would be up.

I'd say pretty fucked, one way or another.

I like my odds

I planned for this exact scenario

Either I'm a lawyer for warlocks making sure they don't enter tricky contracts with devils, which I assume pays well, or I'm a lawyer and a warlock so will soon have my own TV show.

Well considering I only learnt to drive automatic, it’s not looking good.

Let loose the flaming giant elephants of war

I don't know what's in it, but its keeping me alive.

I guess eternal life through some profane kind of undead cyborg magic... Bad maybe?

I have food and transport, I think I'll be ok.

The cure is worse than the disease.

It’s great.

It’s the choice of a new generation.

I'm more worried about innocent bystanders tbh...

Vanth is from Etruscan mythology, a female demon that escorts the dead through the underworld. Generally seen as a helpful guide rather than mean or frightening. So if I can mix mythologies for the sake of a colorful mental image, Hell-Uber across the river Styx, please tip your driver.

On the plus side, I probably don't need much income as a demon.

Pretty good I think!

I would survive just fine as long as you follow my instructions. I can live on a diet of 90% hay with a small amount of species appropriate pellets and a salad every day. I am going to need a lot of room to play and shouldn't be confined to a small cage. At minimum I need an exercise pen as my home base with at least 6 hours so I can run around the house and binky. I should have a box to hide in because I'm easily frightened and I would live underground in the wild. I will do better if you keep my water in a bowl but by all means put it in a bottle if i prefer that. It's better for me to stay hydrated than to try to exist within some ideal that doesn't work for me.

And for the love of God it's a myth that I don't need medical care! I have a very sensitive digestive system and it's a critical emergency if I don't eat for more than a few hours or if my eating slows and my poops get small. So many people say their lagomorphlecture just died with no warning but if they knew what the warnings were and took them to get treatment they would be ok.

I should definitely be soayed or neutered regardless of your society's beliefs about that. Uterine and testicular cancer are very common and I'm unlikely to live past 6bor 7 years old if you don't get me fixed.

I am a very social creature and I should be kept with a bonded mate. If I lose my mate I will become depressed and need either a new lagomorphlecture to keep me company or a lot of your time to help me get through it. It can help me accept the loss if you show me the body of my mate so I can understand and accept that they are gone.

I will provide you with further instructions for my care later on.

Guess Im poopin.

If knowledge is real and can be applied to anything, I guess I'll be alright

I have meat at least

I guess I'll just jump into the nearest body of water, even better if it's at night.

My mighty herd will protect me! 🐐

I'm in GREAT shape. :D

I guess something is better than nothing.

Staying "alive" shouldn't be a problem.

Can i manifest it as a super power?

I'm set for as long as breakfast is overburdened

I'm pretty happy.

Depends on where I live. I'm dead in the coming summer.

Roll around in some kelp and then float away

For fuck sakes, can we not do this on Lemmy

I guess I’m in my twenties forever now‽

I'm really impressed at how well I'm staying alive...wow!

Well I won't have any problems with doctors I suppose

Not happy about this, but present

Depends on which one it is, one of them is significantly more helpful than the other.

Oh fuck.

I cast spells

I'll be OK.

Well, coffee is essential. It's just more on the nose now.

May very well go up in flames, is how bad.

Uhhhh...

I can't think of anything more metal than subsisting on arsenic, lead, and belladonna mixtures.

Maybe I can try to convince people to put me in charge

I am the person who should have died at every turn, but somehow being the only one that lives to the end, I imagine.

or I die by licking a diseased corpse.

So, hard to tell if its good or bad.

....... Ohhh.......

...... Ohhhh nooooo........

(unless it doesn't have to be literal if I can get a job voicing Facebones let's fuckin gooooo)

Not too bad,

I didn't choose the chug life, the chug life choo-choo chose me!

(And it's got a picture of a train!)

I mean... I'm a pope and a king. I think I'll be alright.

It's me or the other guy

I'm... uhh. I think I'm screwed here.

Looks like I'm drinking my way out of this. Who wants a brewski?

Si vous dites mon nom, vous comprendrez.

I feel pretty safe

At least I’ll be fed

I'll survive for a little bit but I will almost certainly be the cause of my own death.

I think it'll be okay come night time.

It's bad.

I'm in command but my crew had BETTER stay on my good side.

Will you have a cup of tea? Ah go on, there’s plenty in the pot. Go on, have a cup of tea, so. Go on! Go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on ….

I sell tea, as 418 is a teapot, so I'd say not so bad

I have to either rob or digitally pleasure someone named Cooper

Not so bad

Not nice

Very bad. I'll I've got is a really gross bagel

Guess I'm setting fire to a lot of robots ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh I'll be "Stayin' alive," alright.

I guess I'm a black rabbit now. Could be worse.

I think I'll be ok.

I'm gonna have what plants crave.

I guess I'm a rightwing pod caster now.

Sounds like I'll be doing psychedelics or phenethylamines possibly. Not a bad way to live.

Sorry guys, the end times are on us, but at least they're cute and fluffy.

As long as I don't run out of fuel and crash...

It's my name, so I guess I'll do ok?

My username is a bird that steals fish. I'm not sure how I'm going to get on the good side of one, but I guess I'd better get used to either seafood or hunger

Oranges and collared greens, I suppose. Could be worse.

It's bad for you. I'm a steal yo girl, and if you come near my taniwha hideout, I'm going to eat you.

... I'm so high right now. That's probably how this ends for me: humans bringing me some cannabis, getting me too high, and leading me somewhere out of the way.

Oh well, I'll die happy

Every 3 letter agency would be after me shortly

I certainly wont be starving to death!

Has a slightly toxic, mysandristic taste to it, but overall the stew is much more palatable than anything else that came from this awkward creature.

I'll be just fine.

Another day on the job, comrades

I spelt mine wrong.

I uh ... might be okay once I figure out what's going on

I gotta eat pineapples

Welp, time to change my diet, as if they didn't have it rough already by being lonely. Sorry little dudes

Time to stab Polyphemus in the eye and get outta this cave, I reckon.

Im okay with this, whole movies exist with this outcome, good times ahead

Everyone will let the Wookie win?

Brb, loading up on carbs.

Well, fuck

Uhhhh I suppose I like cereal

I'm in luck! 😁

I'm not sure about nutritional value, but it could be worse

could be worse

You got a quarter?

Basically no change.

Well, I can hunt, I guess.

This is not how I expected to get a degree in arachnology

Guess I'd better whip out the scarves and space berets. I'll be just fiiine.

Maybe dying isn't so bad after all...

I guess that I'm now praying to a really shitty version of Satan, uh. Or perhaps selling really cheap lamps?

("Lvxferre" is just broken Latin for "Lucifer", or "light-bringer")

I'm just some random Lord now, which theoretically will come with resources so I should be okay

I will foolishly ride my dolly to safety like a wobbly skateboard. See you later losers!

I'm going to pick my nose!

Seeing as you can't eat rocks I'd practically be dead.

:,(

I'm aceing at it, sadly.

The best I can make sense of it is that I make my money as some sort of emo catboy vtuber. Assuming I'm not already reasonably popular, that boils down to how good a streamer I can be and the economic factors of going into the EN vtubing industry after the initial boom. And I'm already at a disadvantage because "emo catboy" is a weak concept that lacks originality.

Curse this mortality, amiright fellow human?

Pretty good but I have the feeling Quantum Computing will kill me if Im not careful.

Not a lot changes

I'm a very old Musketeer.

It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.

Ooo fishies

I stare at the wall reciting pi over and over, while my body withers, mind untethered, consumed by a mathematical void.

Link and Shulk, doing it 69 style, would have to be involved.

Suing beverage companies for having severed toes inside

I can live off soiled bread I suppose

If you have one of those halo things your already kind of dead right?

McDonald's stocks go up 200%

I'd be just fine.

People think I'm bullshitting all the time.

With the US healthcare system? Expensive.

I mean there are a lot of doors that are our only means of staying alive in some way. Doors are very important.

Haha, I’ll still be around in millions of years.

Yeah I’m pretty fucked if my ability to stay alive is predicated upon my assembly programming abilities. Don’t ask me to multiply.

My name is genuinely not actually Steve so I'm good

I'm fire proof, and a shit speller.

The walls are closing in...

I'm already dead

I hope for your sake that your name isn't Jack.

Most of them are dead, but Mr Burns has enough money to keep me going a while.

I feel like I'm not the one it's bad for.

We musn't speak of him. He is legend.

I'm mostly fine, I hope

It doesn't have to be good, right?

I guess this one is a bit of a freebie for me.

I try to save money anyway, so I guess it’ll be ok. At least as long as nobody needs avenged.

I should be fine, just gotta change my name